Confused While Leaving An Abusive Relationship


I am currently trying to get out of an abusive relationship. But I’m so confused by all of my feelings. Why is it that I feel like I’m doing the right thing, but yet I feel so heart broken, as well as guilty for breaking his heart?

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
  • ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.

It is normal to feel torn and of two minds in your current situation. No relationship is all bad, or you would never stay in it for a moment. There are good moments (days, weeks, etc.) in abusive relationships. It is just that when abuse does occur, it is very dangerous and damaging, physically and emotionally. So it is perfectly possible, (indeed it is normal) to feel two ways about an abusive relationship: 1) that you love and care about your partner and don’t want to hurt him or her, and 2) that you need to leave because you cannot tolerate the relationship when it gets abusive. Both of these statements can be true at the same time. So, you are doing the right thing by leaving an abusive relationship (meaning you are doing the thing that will promote your health and welfare, and the health and welfare of those who depend on you), but because you care about the person you are leaving, you are sad about that too. It’s normal, even though it’s confusing. You might benefit by talking with other people who have left abusive relationships, and who can relate to how you feel. You can often find support groups for battered women by contacting your local women’s shelter.

More "Ask Anne" View Columnists

Myndfulness App

Designed to Help You Feel Better Daily

Myndfuless App Rating

Download Now For Free

Learn More >