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Loving Too Much

Question:

I have noticed myself in the pattern of “loving too much”. My relationships always seem to begin healthily, but inevitably end. It is always the man who ends it. The more he pulls away, the more I try to keep him. I repeatedly sacrifice myself simply to stay in the relationship, and have ended up in serious emotional trouble a few times. However, after a lot of grief and healing I returned to being happy and single again. Right now I am involved in a new relationship that is beginning to follow this same pattern. I have become emotionally attached to a wonderful man, and he is pulling away despite his good feelings for me at the start. I don’t want to lose him. I know that if I love him more he will leave me. I need advice on how to save this relationship.

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

It sounds to me that you may be codependent. If you feel that he is pulling away talk to him. He may feel hurt by something or even doesn’t realize he is pulling away. Talking to him can help you determine what, if anything, you do that pushes him away. I don’t think that you can love someone too much, but you can show your love in the wrong way. Discussing this with him can help your relationship. Make sure you take care of yourself most importantly, even if it hurts your relationship. If you cannot take care of yourself then the relationship is not a healthy one for you. I don’t think that it is too late for you by any means, so don’t be discouraged. If the relationship does end though, try not to blame yourself. Finding information on codependancy could help you also. A possible starting point is Serendipity. Sincerely, – Anne

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