I have noticed myself in the pattern of “loving too much”. My relationships always seem to begin healthily, but inevitably end. It is always the man who ends it. The more he pulls away, the more I try to keep him. I repeatedly sacrifice myself simply to stay in the relationship, and have ended up in serious emotional trouble a few times. However, after a lot of grief and healing I returned to being happy and single again. Right now I am involved in a new relationship that is beginning to follow this same pattern. I have become emotionally attached to a wonderful man, and he is pulling away despite his good feelings for me at the start. I don’t want to lose him. I know that if I love him more he will leave me. I need advice on how to save this relationship.
- ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
- ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
It sounds to me that you may be codependent. If you feel that he is pulling away talk to him. He may feel hurt by something or even doesn’t realize he is pulling away. Talking to him can help you determine what, if anything, you do that pushes him away. I don’t think that you can love someone too much, but you can show your love in the wrong way. Discussing this with him can help your relationship. Make sure you take care of yourself most importantly, even if it hurts your relationship. If you cannot take care of yourself then the relationship is not a healthy one for you. I don’t think that it is too late for you by any means, so don’t be discouraged. If the relationship does end though, try not to blame yourself. Finding information on codependancy could help you also. A possible starting point is Serendipity. Sincerely, – Anne
More "Ask Anne" View Columnists