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What Is The Point Of Life?

Question:

I’ve tried mental help for my depression. I’m even on anti-depressants and i feel even worse than i did before. Counseling does not help me. i have lost the will to live and now I’m thinking about doing it. whenever i talk about my depression and how i get picked on in school and how almost nobody cares what happens to me, i feel even worse afterwards. some people can be saved, but others like me will not. If someone wants to die, just let them. Death isn’t a bad thing, it’s a relief from pain and suffering.

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Answer:

Editor’s Note: This was posted as a comment to another advice entry, but I thought that it made sense to treat it as it’s own question/comment. The assertions made here are too important (and too mistaken) to let go unchallenged.

You don’t come out and say it, but you’ve written a suicidal comment here. You talk about dying in the end as though it is something that happens when people want it to happen, but what you don’t come quite out and say directly is that you are thinking about helping that process of dying along in some active way. I know you know this, but maybe not all the readers do, so let’s make it clear.

Feeling suicidal is a pretty common thing to feel when you’re moderately or seriously depressed. In addition to all the physical sort of depression symptoms (such as a reduction or gain in appetite, sleep needs, etc.) and either agitation or retardation of your activity level, there are also a characteristic set of psychological/mental symptoms of depression. It is common that things that used to motivate will lose their motivating capability. It is common to feel worthless and helpless. It is common to begin making a variety of thinking errors. For example, you may take responsibility for all the negative things that have happened to you, while discounting your role in creating the positive things. You may rewrite history such that it seems to you that things have always been terrible/horrible/awful when this isn’t really entirely the case. In general, the brain starts doing a sort of attentional narrowing and filtering such that everything is seen through the lens of depression. Your perspective narrows, essentially until everything looks depressed and there is no apparent way out. When these sorts of things are happening, it is rather easy to look to suicide as a “way out” and as an appropriate fate.

I’m tempted to say (and I will say) that the situation is complicated by your stage in life. You’re apparently in your teens, and either at junior high school or high school. I say this because your comments are too mature to be the work of an elementary school student, and because in college it is very unlikely that people would tease you (things aren’t cohesive enough for that). High school can seem like it will last forever, but it doesn’t. In reality, it is a short four years (short in comparison to the rest of your life which will unfold if you let it). Life opportunities typically open up after high school. You break with the people who’ve known (and teased) you all your life and make a new start working or going to college, or whatever. The new people don’t know to tease you, and many of them were teased too and aren’t interested in teasing someone else. From my perspective of 20+ years post high school graduation, and speaking as someone who used to be teased and beaten up regularly in grade school, things get better as everyone gets more mature and responsible. In fact, many of the most successful and well adjusted adults I interacted with at my 20th high school reunion were not popular kids in high school. I say this to give you the benefit of another human being’s perspective, realizing that you’ll probably discount it and say it won’t apply to you. Maybe so, maybe not, but please do recognize that you don’t yet have the benefit of adult perspective and freedom at this teenage time of your life. If you off yourself now, you won’t ever know how things might actually turn out.

Still, here you are today – suicidal – and no amount of “it will likely get better” is going to help right now. You say you’ve tried “mental help” (whatever that is – therapy? self-help?) and anti-depressants that nothing makes you feel better. In fact, talking about how pathetic things seem – how indifferent people appear to be towards you – actually makes you hurt worse. I’m not surprised that talking about painful experiences is painful, and you shouldn’t be either. It is important to distinguish between two kinds of pain, however. There is the pain of damage such as occurs when you are being injured, and then there is the pain of growth and adaptation such as occurs when you are stretching your legs or lifting weights and it hurts. There is no injury occurring in the latter situation. Stretching hurts because you are tight and you are stretching yourself to be looser. Stretching makes you healthier, but there is some pain involved. Therapy can be the same way.

There are a couple reasons why you may not have experienced therapy as helpful. You may have had a not-very-skillful therapist, for one thing. Or perhaps, you simply didn’t feel like talking and did not engage the therapy situation? It can feel humiliating to have to go sit with a therapist. Maybe you didn’t want to participate? While such a position would be understandable, you must understand that therapy cannot be helpful if you don’t engage it. If you have the opportunity to try therapy again, please choose to do it (rather than just go along with someone else’s idea), and get yourself a therapist who understands how to skillfully treat depression. The best protocols for treating depression seem to be “cognitive-behavioral” at this point in time, so ask for a therapist who can offer you that sort of therapy.

There are several things that can go wrong with medication treatment as well. First of all, your doctor could have you at the wrong dosage. You might not have taken the medication regularly (easy to do when you’re depressed). You might be taking or eating something that interferes with proper absorption of the medicine. You might not have given the medicine enough time to work its effect on your brain. Bottom line: If you think the medicine isn’t working, go complain to the doctor and ask for him or her to adjust the dose, try something different, etc. Getting medication to work properly is trickier than it appears. It would be irresponsible and inaccurate of you to assume that since your first medication experience didn’t work out that no medication treatment will help you.

It is likely that you have really good reason to be depressed. You don’t say what these reasons are except that you’re an outcast and picked on, but I’m sure you have your reasons. Therapy is not miracle work; no amount of it in any form will address environmental situations that lead you to be in pain. So keep this in mind too. Sometimes you have to alter your environment before you’re going to feel better. If you are being bullied and teased, you perhaps have the option of avoiding the worst bullies, or seeking the protection of school authorities or even the police. You might ask to be transfered to a new school. You might work on your ability to physically protect yourself, through martial arts training. You might work on ways to verbally protect yourself too – some of the best current comedians developed their stand up routines in part as a reaction to being teased and needing ways to defend themselves (with humor). I’m not at all sure if any of these suggestions will be helpful, but the point is that there are options you may not have thought of or may have discarded in your depressive pessimism that would actually help you out. None of these things will make life a paradise, but some combination of them might help you feel better.

The big illusion of suicide is that it is the only solution to an otherwise unsolvable and terribly painful problem. This is how it seems to the typical suicidal person, anyway. Suicide is not really the solution it appears to be, however.

First of all, the problem that suicide is intended to solve really can be treated or lessened in intensity by other means (e.g., changing the environment, psychotherapy (to change your mental attitude and behavior), and medication to change your brain).

Second, suicide is too permanent of a solution to be workable, given the very changeable nature of your complaint. You’re in a private state of hell now, but it is not one that will be permanent. Your mental state will change with time, continued pursuit of treatment, and an active approach to altering your environment. If you kill yourself, you will have confused the temporary with the permanent.

Third, suicide may seem like it would only affect yourself, but that is not at all true. Suicide would affect your entire family – parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc. All of the people who are close to you will become very wounded in one form or another, and the ones who care about you the most will be most wounded. You may want to punish your family (or members of your family) for all I know, but consider that if there is even one person in your family that you care about, your suicide will carve a permanent hole into that person’s heart that will never repair. Life will go on, of course, but living with permanent grief is never a good state of affairs.

The fourth illusion that makes suicide appear attractive is that it seems like you might be able to “show them all” by killing yourself. Like you’ll prove something – get them to listen to you for once, take you seriously. This is fantasy. No one really cares about your life but your family and yourself, and a few friends you might make. To the rest of the people you might matter as an abstraction, but you aren’t quite real to them, and they won’t mourn long if you pass. Your decision to suicide won’t make people care about you more or less, and the crueler of them will make jokes about you winning the “Darwin Awards”. You killing yourself won’t prove anything, is my point. There is nothing you can do, ultimately, to force other people to care about you. If you can learn to care about yourself, however, you will find that various people notice that, and will start to care about you. It’s not a paradox, but it may seem like one at first.

In sum – Please don’t kill yourself. Your situation is unlikely to be as grim as you may think it is. You are very likely to outgrow it. There are better solutions (changing the environment, working hard at real psychotherapy, working with the doctor on a useful medication regime) available to you. I recommend postponing the thoughts of suicide for now (they’ll always be available to pick up on again if you need them), and trying again to make a better life for yourself with the help of professional assistance if necessary. Give yourself some time, and work hard on solutions that may be helpful before discarding them. See if you can’t make a difference.

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Comments
  • Anonymous-1

    When it's been going on for years - albeit with short reprieves to give some home - then comes crashing back? When half your days are spent in a nonfunctional state, and the rest are spent forcing yourself to pretend? When you've done the CBT, the groups. When an SSRI doesn't work anymore, then the SNRI doesn't work anymore. The next cocktail kinda works a bit, but has you cycling up and down like a yo-yo. When after 15 years of hell, ooops.... maybe we got the diagnosis wrong. Then the quetiapine knocks you unconscious by 8pm, and the only way you can make it to work is to wash down double doses of buproprion and modafinil with your coffee. And all you are anymore is angry all the time. And convinced by your personal experience and the larger body of "evidence-based" medicine...STAR*D, STEP-BD... that it's just going to keep going on and on. How much is enough??

  • Gaylon

    This is the first time that I have written to anyone in reference to their state of depression, or desire to end their life. About a year ago, I tried to hang myself in my attic after my career came to a crashing halt, and I longer saw any good in the word. I also noticed that I no longer took any pleasure in the things that I used to enjoy, such as fishing with my friends and playing my guitar. I felt an incredible loss of hope and no longer knew what I believed in, if anything. I was an avid jogger, but found that I could barely walk around the block without extreme tiredness. I no longer cared to eat, and food had no flavor, so I began to lose weight. I would find myself staring in the mirror in the morning with a toothbrush in my mouth and not even know where I was, or why I was feeling this way. Fortunately, at the last moment, I relieved myself from the noose, cried like a child ( I am 40 years old) and and allowed my friends and family to help me, and to convince me to get the help I need. I am still struggling as I am having trouble finding employment ( I have a Business Degree and Masters Degree) because I can barely function under small amounts of stress, but I know, I KNOW!, that ending your life is an act that is done when the chemicals in your brain have ceased to perform properly. You are not weak, an outcast, or inferior in any way. There are so many sources that can help you get through this horrible time, and they look forward to helping you. Your friends want you to ask for help. There are many churches available to assist you through your current pain. I am seeing my therapist and psychiatrist tommorrow and I can't wait. I'm excited!! Please know that there are others out there who feel the same as you, and that you are not alone. We are a special and courageous group because we are battling the horrible spectre of clinical depression, and live each day to seek the help that we need to make it through. If you are currently feeling suicidal, please call a suicide hotline, and ask for help. They are wonderful, caring people, and they do their job because they understand your pain. I never know what tommorrow will bring, and I know that there are no guarantees, but I do know that I have a lot of good things to offer this world, and there will be a day when I look back on my depression and celebrate the fact that I got the help I needed and made it through.

  • paul

    I have a horrible social anxiety disorder fear of being forgotten and I have managed to push almost every person that I love away. To me there is no more meaning to life, its total and complete toture to be alive day in and day out. I think helping death along is not only the right thing to do but it just might be the only thing to do.

    Editor's Note: The presence of suicidal feelings and thoughts are a common enough symptom of depression, which is a close cousin of anxiety. Part of what happens in these sorts of conditions is that judgement becomes clouded and options seem to become compressed. Please keep in mind that just becuase you feel suicidal, that doesn't mean that suicide is the right response to these feelings. The best response when you are feeling suicidal is to consult with a mental health professional. If you are or should become urgently suicidal, it is appropriate to take yourself to the hospital emergency room, or to call 911 or a suicide hotline. Otherwise, it is appropriate to discuss the thoughts and feelings with your regular therapist, or to make an appointment with a therapist or doctor to address the feelings. There is real and effective therapy for social anxiety ask about medication to help control anxiety feelings, and cognitive behavioral therapy to break down and reshape the beliefs and judgements that contribute to the anxious concern in the first place. Likewise, depression and suicidal ideation can be helped with medication and/or therapy. Please seek help. Please do not act on these impulses.

  • Mike

    Hi, I can relate to the question. I have thought it many times. It really boils down to the question of what is the meaning of my life? I think it is when we lose that sense of any meaning or purpose that thoughts of suicide sets in.

    I have suffered from Avoidant Personaility Disorder and Bipolar since I was a teen. I am now 42. At first I had suicidal thoughts but they always cleared as there was always hope. Now, as time goes by I am more cynical about life and the prospects of hope for the future. Sometimes just being allive is nothing but pure hell. In the past it has been that evolutionary and biological instinctual desire for surivial that has kept me away from suicide.

    Unfortunately, now that I have aged, and am still desperately alone, I feel that instinct lessen. I have no relatives , very few friends who I actually talk to, and my only significant social contacts are really what I get from therapy. Therapy helps, but the pain and suffering does not abate. Cycles of depression and mania and the avoidant personailty is difficult to deal with and drains me as each year goes by. I really see no purpose to my life at times. Although I am not thinking I will end it all right now I honestly do not believe I will exist 5-10 years from now. I refuse to be comitted again. The next major episode will probably be my last. I simply refuse to be locked up beyond me will once again. I have had enough of that and am tired of people taking charge of my life. It is humiliating and degrading, and as someone with avoidant personaility I cannot stand being at the mercy of someone else, being told when I will do things in public, when I will eat, who I will sit with, when I will watch TV ect, being forced to sleep in 4 person rooms. I feel like a child and a prisoner and I loathe relinquishing control of my life to someone else.

    I always come out more psychologically messed up than I went in. Always. It's just that in the hospital they load me up with so many meds I am a zombie and feel nothing at all

    With today's HMO factory style medical care I feel like I am on a conveyor belt. I always felt like nobody really cared and I was just being shuffled from one thing to the next in an effort to maximize profit for the HMO. Once i get accustomed to a therapist they either leave the HMO or are transferred. To be honest I have found the level of mental health care in this nation has deteriorated rapidly over the last 5-10 years. Doctors want more money and want you out of the office as fast as they can. They are constantly overbooked in an effort to maximize their business.

    Anyways, on this question - What is the point of life? Ultimately, why do doctors or the government care if we live or die? Does it objectively matter one way or the other if any of us live or die? Is there some grand universal principle at work here? Some will give you an answer based on moral or religious principles. Others might give a pragmatic answer based on social and legal norms. The answer will depend largely on who you ask. Ultimately, we are the only ones who can assign meaning to our lives, and ultimately we are the only one who can answer that question. Nobody else can do it. They can only give their opinions. The only subjective aspect of this issue is the government has the legal power to stop people from forcibly comitting suicide. Dotors and therapists are required to comply.

    I wish you the best of luck. Work hard at therapy and try to stay positive.

  • Dana

    My boyfrend was drunk.I just got home from a meeting with a friend and saw his friends out side of the door. They told me all about it and his cousin went to talk to him. He was drunk wanted to kill him self His friends told me He had the gun up to his mouth one taggled him and other took the gun away.He even wrote a note,then they call the cops they took him to the hispital. I called and they wont give me the info they are saying He is sleeping I dont know what to do. I want to go see him

  • kamrul

    i lost my all happiness from my life.because i lost my love. she did cheat with me. i belived her so much but she cheat with me. why?why?why? what is my fault?how can i love to each other? if i will do this will i not be a lier? because i allready lovet her? what can i do now?

  • Jason

    My point is that depression is embedded in my very soul. It will never leave. It doesn't get better.

    People run around pretending to care so much about others: life is so great, so meaningful. All I see is contradictions, hypocrites, and ignorance. To me, you literally have to pull the wool over your eyes and LIE to yourself to be happy.

    It's not that this is bad - I wish I could do it. But my point is, that once you realise this you CANT go back. You just cannot decide:

    "OK, I'm gonna be this shallow happy-go-lucky guy who has no introspective powers and is thus able to function because I ignore all of my faults and think I am better than everyone else."

    Your revelations stay with you, your depression NEVER leaves. The drugs numb you but you literally feel like your on drugs - doctors prescribe them so you are less of a nuisance to others, because that's all people want from you, they don't really care about you getting better. As long as you are not complaining or exhibitng outward signs of suffering that cause other people to notice you (and hence ruin their moments) its all ok.

    They don't even know what its like. Their logic truly is a reflection of their own complexion: just wants attention, trying to manipulate you to get something, lazy, weak, self-absorbed, egotistical, chose to feel like that, weird, and so on...

    So my advice to all you people reading this is: think about what I've described. If it scares you in general, or you see parts of you in me and are worried about slipping into depression, don't do it. You WILL NOT be able to come back.

    To get over it: forget drugs, forget talking about your problems unless it is to somebody you don't know: only then will you escape negative social consequences.

    My advice: Do something stupid, i.e. literally ridicious. Go and do rolly polly's in the supermarket. Shout the names out of every tube station as you pass them, etc.

    This will allow you to see the fun possible when you do decide to end it: how much money you can blow, people you can piss off, crazy stuff you can do before you die. You have nothing to lose. And in the immediate it will relieve those painful thoughts.

    Trust me, this will help you but only in the short-term. In the long-term you are stuck with whatever bad thoughts you already have: they will always reoccur. But every time they do, don't deepen them, don't indulge in them. Do something stupid, and you can avoid going deeper into something from which you can never escape.

    To people who do finally kill themselves, hats off to you. Your braver than I am. The only reason I didn't do it was because I was to scared. The ultimate ridiculousness: I can't even do that right.

    Ciao peoples!

    Editor's Note: Depression is a condition that affects judgement in a negative (e.g., depressive) manner. A condition of biased interpretation occurs. By this I mean to say that situtations tha would be otherwise interpreted as minor setbacks start looking like huge crushing defeats when you are depressed. The aim of psychotherapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Depression is to identify these biased interpretations and beliefs and help the people holding them to break them down so that they do not reacted to so strongly. I think it is very likely the influence of just such a depressive bias that makes you believe so strongly that there is no hope possible, and that suicide is an attractive option. It surely seems like this is the case to you, I don't doubt, but from my outside perspective, I can say that neither of these beliefs are true. Depression is something that can be helped (although the helping process is sometimes very convoluted). If the depression lifts, the desire to suicide will lift somewhat as well (eventually, anyway). There are multiple ways that depressed mood can be treated: medications (singularly and in combination), psychotherapy (CBT and Interpersonal Therapy, and also psychiatric interventions including various forms of brain and nervous system stimulation. It seems premature to suggest that your depression can never go away before the full range of treatments has been tried. This is not to take away from the emotional pain you are experiencing, however, which sounds substantial.

  • John

    Ive been in a very similar situation to the one above, i am just finishing 6th form but have no aim in my life. The only reason i dont end my life is because of the hurt it would case other people. The way i have thought of this is that it would hurt people more than the pain you would avoid by ending everything. Therefore i live for others, its not the best way to be but it stops me from killing myself, try it. This sounds depressing but then stop and think, why am i living? most people i think in the end work out its for others or that they are living for each moment and that they keep their minds closed because they cant handle the reality that comes with realizing that we are all so insignificant when they think beyond the here and now. Im not sue why i post this... Suppose i wanted this guy to know that he isnt alone and that even if he is unhappy with life who gives us the right to end it?

  • When is enough enough

    It is so hard too talk to anybody on a daily basis let alone if you are feeling bad or suicidal, the thought of talking to my mental health professional sounds great until I am faced with the option especially if dont know someone. Personally having spent 20 years feeling on a scale of horendous to worse with the odd moment of grey and light in between, now seems to be the time to not consider my mental health professional but more to find the right information to guarentee the conclusion that when I decide that it is right time to die that i will ensure it actually happens as opposed to the more terrifying idea of getting it wrong and waking up later

  • pragya

    Dear friend,

    I was in the same state of mind. I tried suicide 3-4 times, but each time i was saved. i had a horrible time. but the last time when i tried to commit it and was saved, a friend of mine gave me a self help book by dale carnegie 'how to stop thinking and start living' . that book clicked and since i had no one to share my sorrow with and every one was more angry over me. so i made Dale carnegie as my real friend and obediantly followed him through that book. it worked in the sense that finally succeed in concentrating my mind on what interested me most. and put all my energy in that one thing. my views and opinions about the events havent changed yet (i m currently seriously working on that) but i m happy with my life, though outward situations are not the way i want. But I have faith in God now, and that is the biggest power if you really believe it.

    now thought of suicide doesnt touch me even in the most difficult situations. Because surely I have found meaning in life.

    So if I can change and have better life, why can't you. Dont say no one loves me, GOD DOES. But only if you start loving him. If he has given you life, there is some reason behind it. Find it out. I too Love you Dear(I mean it because you are a soul like me created by God ) and really wish that you live happily and healthily. May God bless you. I wish you read this

  • dustin

    ok where do i start? ok lets start by saying this article is BS. meaning of life? none. ok seriously lets get down to brass tax here: what is the point in life? work, home, eat, sleep, get paycheck, pay bills and the process starts over again. so when you have absolutely nothing, (home, car, ect ect anything), whats the point other than being homeless and believing in some GOD(S) that we really dont have any scientific proof that this person or it exists, and believeing that this thing will "Save" us from whatever situation that we're in? or on the flip side...you have everything you want...ok what then? you still have to do everything the middle class and lower class people do. Absolutely no enjoyment to life whatsoever. so honestly, what is the point to life?? dont tell me to enjoy it cause all i have to say is one word: MONEY. takes money to enjoy life. what if you dont have it or cant get enough of it to actually enjoy things in life?? what if you have to work your whole life and you just get a freakin tombstone that says your name and date you were born and died? wow real rememberence there. oh gee he worked all his life, paid bills and thats it?? thats real living there. and honestly, why wouldnt suicide be an answer?? like it really matters if it hurts people that are close to you, your not going to be seeing them so whats the problem? so you tell me what i should do...get a job so i can make money?? or just run around naked trying to enjoy life with no money? money is everything. everywhere you look: thats money. takes money to make society, takes money to kill it. so really if theres a point to life...it better be more than just money cause without it your a freakin peon.

  • Anonymous-2

    I find life hopeless myself. I don't see a purpose in living other than to be the animal that we are. We have a natural instinct to keep pushing on no matter how disparing things become.

    When one said "we pull the veil over our eyes to believe this existence is worthwhile" I agree. But that notion right there can be disputed by the "depressed people view things negatively and wrong" (the "wrong" bit is usually said in lengthier and kinder words so that they don't look rude in the eyes of the happy ones)

    The purpose of life is none other than your parents either making a mistake or creating you in hopes it'll improve their marriage or creating you in hopes you'll be this wonderful thing that wishes to trudge through life too.

    Life is here because random particles and chemicals mixed together to create the first organism which eventually mutated, evolved and became people. The reason we live is simply that. No purpose. However we assign purpose to it because we have this instinctual will to live, and the best way is to think everything is great instead of everything is sad. If we thought everything was sad, we wouldn't want to live. So we tried to make ourselves happy and the best way is to assume we have purpose.

    You don't go to see a film about a flower growing. You'd spend a month in a theater waiting for that flower to come to fruition. Instead we go to see movies which propel a plot, a person who has a purpose, to achieve or not achieve something.

    We wish to entertain ourselves instead of watching a flower grow, so we add this belief that there is a reason to live.

    So what it comes down to is that it's individual. Pain is probably the only reason people don't commit suicide more often - next to not wanting to hurt people who wish to try this life.

    There is no purpose, just a veil we place over our minds to make the movie fun.

  • Bela

    As I have nothing better to do at 1 am, I googled phrase 'point of life'. Something I've been thinking about a lot lately... I ended up here, found some hope I guess. Anyhow, I did try to kill myself. With liquer and pills. I ended up sleeping really long, feeling bad as hell and vomiting. The next day was worse. I knew I had failed and besides that, I had to wake up like everything was normal and go have a life. Smile and pretend. Smile.And noone knows or gives a &#@! that life is pointless and people...(*rolls eyes*)... I walked around that day like a zombie. I haven't touched booze or any medication since that time (about a month ago). For some time I felt better, but now I'm right back in the beginning. Before that day I never actually thought I could end myself, but I remember I didn't feel a thing when I tried it. I didn't think. Watched tv, the sun was even shining and drank and cried and cried. and then someone else came home and I went asleep. Noone knows. And I can't tell. They don't care. They don't know. Now I just listen to the silence, wish the pain went away, but every time I think about ending my life I start crying. Too scared. I know I could stay in bed for a week and the world would be still the same.Weeks, months, it's all the same. I just feel I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired of everything... ok. had nice time venting.

    Life is pointless and everyone has to find their purpose or reason for living individually.

  • D

    I’m trying to find the point to all this pain. What is the reason behind the life we live if there is nothing but trying to find a way to ease the anger and sorrow that constantly eats away at us. Why do we have to pretend that we can just give it all away to our creator and he will make it better? That doesn’t change that it happened and it’s constantly in your mind reminding you of the things you’ve done or the people who have hurt you. When everyday you are reminded of how much people hate you and all the ways you are flawed, that you can not make anyone happy not even yourself. Repeated you cry out to a greater being and ask to have it all taken away. It still happened and you still have to live your life being reminded of how worthless you are. Daily you face more people or the same ones over and again who don’t need you or hate you because of who you are. Then why do we continue to try to be better. It never works no matter how hard you try. Everyone around you is miserable as well. What is the point? Why do we continue to live a miserable existence? We are raised by people with incredible flaws that make horrible decisions and drag us through there life, then we continue the cycle trying not to be that person but also having children and dragging them through our horrible mistakes and insurmountable flaws. Why then do we not see that there is no point and that we are caught an unending vicious circle of misery and regret. No matter how much we pray or ask for forgiveness we are still caught in our own heads with thoughts and memories of all we have done and been through. We are told to let it go as if that is possible. We are told to give it away and act as if nothing were wrong with anything. To float through life as if there was nothing we could do about the way we are or the way our lives go. We make decisions and then live by them. How many times do we go through this over and over and try again and again to change with the end always coming to the same point. There is not point. There is no reason for being. I am saturated by the life I have come to live. It is overwhelming with bad choices, mistakes that can not be forgiven or undone, Losses that can never be regained and words spoken that can not be taken back. We try not to become the worst people in our lives and we end up as just that person. We try so hard to avoid the qualities we despised in others as we grew up and yet in our efforts to not become that we become something far worse. Are we meant to live a life alone with our own thoughts? Calling out to anyone who will listen out of our need to fix or be fixed. No matter what we do even to try to be a good person and help others we are reminded of how awful we must really be by those close to us. They reflect who we really are and how we must be to them. They hate us and bring to the surface what we really are. We are pointless angry hurt creations that have no point to exist. We seek out another hurt and broken being and create perfect little creatures that we then corrupt and hurt and lead into the life that we are living just so we don’t have to do it alone. What is the point? Some of us are taught that there are other elements in life that contribute to the way we are or the problems we have, spirits or beings that can hinder and cause problems. Then there are those that don’t believe that at all. They believe that we are who we are and everything that we do is just part of us. No matter what it is or how bad it may seem it is just who we are and we should just accept it. Who’s to say which one is the correct one, or if it even matters. We evolve our lives around what we believe and what we are taught is how we have to believe and we try to pass that on even though we don’t quite grasp it ourselves. We act a certain way because we were told to, we think a certain way because of things that happen to us then we are told that if we just forget about it and stop thinking about it we can make it all go away as if nothing ever happened. What a load of crap. No matter what we do it will always have happened and when we have the same thing happen over and over we obviously have a problem no matter what we do to change or try to fix it. We find ourselves making bad choices or being harsh because we find no point in cushioning things. Why make life easier for someone else when we know it didn’t help us any. We are still making pointless decisions and changes to try to pretend again like we aren’t who we are. No matter what we do it’s never right. Those around us constantly remind us of our flaws and then when we think we’ve done something right it is slapped in our faces. We are taught to love and be grateful, but we are not taught that we don’t have to get love back. That even the unconditional love of a child is not unconditional. That marriage is not the joining of two but the overtaking of the stronger personality. No matter what you do in life you will never be loved or accepted for who you are. You will always have to change to please others and you are never good enough as you are. The ridiculous thoughts of growing up and being a parent are blown away once it happens. You don’t have any control over your own life let alone your children’s. No matter what you try to teach them or do for them its always wrong. Your spouse constantly contradicts you and does nothing but tell you that no matter how you approach a situation that it is the wrong way. No matter what ideals you have for your children they are unreasonable. That you need to do things there way because its better and because they are more persuading then you are they always overtake and feel that they are in charge of you. You then find yourself not a parent anymore but a child again to a much younger person who tells you how to think and act and makes sure to instill the guilt they need in you to keep you locked in a confined space all the time. You loose what little individuality you had. Then when you try to seek a spiritual reprieve even that is taken as an offense and you get lashed out as though you have taken away from the family by trying to better yourself. You are made to feel guilty for not wanting to do things that make you uncomfortable and things you disagree with. How many times does the word hate have to be lashed at you before you believe and think that you are to be hated? How many times can you take rejection from those who you have no choice but to take care of them? How much is considered more then you can take when you finally can’t take anymore. Then you’re stuck at the beginning and you’re angry and hurt all over again even after you thought you moved on and started a life of your own. What’s the point of moving on or even trying? Some people even believe that it’s cruel to reproduce. To bring children into a life that you hate or feel is useless. Why then do we still do it? We use them to try to improve or make ourselves feel better yet we end up creating another being that will be as empty and damaged as we are. We continue the endless cycle when we could just stop it. How come a thousand moments of joy can’t overcome one moment of misery? We spend our entire lives trying to find joy, some through church, some through sex, some through addiction, but all for the same reason. We feel this need to be pleased. We all want to feel happy yet we fight with our own minds with the opportunity to be so. We are constantly unhappy, why? Why is it that we have a need to be happy all the time? That just means that we are never happy and clenching to any moment that brings us out of our pit. When we tell others of the wonderful things that have happened, it’s never because we want them to know. We tell others so we can try to convince ourselves that it really happened and really mattered. We gloat or boast about something and try to make it seem so important but what we are really doing is trying to convince ourselves.

  • Anonymous-3

    brilliant writting from dustin and jason

  • stane

    I was very short and weak first 8 years of school. Some who were picking on me were almost 2 times my weight and i could not twist their smallest finger with both of my hands. Some of them lifted me throw me into the wall, over tables, ...

    lots of pain growing up. About age 10 i first remember having wishes to die. Cos i just had enough of pain. But at that time i was going to catholic church and priest said that suicide is same as killing another man. " big sin" or something like that. And that was stopping me from killing myself cos. i can never kill a man that is evil, wrong, ... and i don't know what happens after death. It is possible, if its true, what some Christian teach, that i would be going from bad "this painful situation" to worse

    "hell where u don't want to go". Specially if its something like this dude talks about: http://movies.magnify.net/video/23-Minutes-in-Hell-Bill-Wiese
    well if its true or not i just don't know. Well to get back, my death wish was getting bigger and bigger. And at age 20 was very big.

    And i stopped being a catholic. So one big thing that was in a way of me doing suicide was gone. Then i meet some Christian missionaries and i become disciple of Christ,saved, born again, Jesus is Lord, ... but suicide wish was still just getting bigger. I started doing more and more extreme things like walking on many edges, so much that i lost my fear of heights. I was hoping i might slip and fall into the pit. But in my mind was always a thought: u can stage an accidental fall that could fool all people, but u can't fool God, cos he knows your every thought and word before you say it. At around age 30 the thoughts turned into laud screams in my head, like jump out from the window 7 floors, drive full speed into a wall, ... u are worthless, loser, u will never get the point of this life, u are useless, ... one time i got to the edge of the river and said to God i have enough of this life, i am no better that any1 else who does not have Jesus or have faith in You so i will just go ahead and burn like most will if its true what most Christians preach about. I know u can help me God, u did it so many times before, but i have enough of this fight against evil and my selfishness, pride, life,... i just want game over.The pain was so hard. I could find easy 300 reasons why to jump in and only 2 or 3 why not.

    And as i stood before that river i noticed that it has interesting name in our language if u read first five letters it says love you, but if u read last five letters it says kill you. I was wow never notice that for almost 25 years that i know for the name of this river. And at that moment when i was one step from death and thinking all this, a friend calls me that i didn't talk to or see in months. And i say to him interesting timing, why did u call me ? He said:
    Just to say hi, how are u its been ages since we last talk or see each other, ... I was Wow again timing. Only me and God knew where i was at that time.

    After the talk i said ok i will try to live some more and i guess somehow accept this pain and this death wish. But after few more months it started to get stronger and stronger again. If i didn't work or sleep i had in my mind constant all kinds of ways how and why to kill myself. It got to its pick over one year ago and i wanted to tell this to one older man that i knew for about half a year very humble, joyful, and with lots of love for all around him. When i wanted to tell him what is going on in my head, and how insane this death wish is, and that i was totally in love with death, there was nothing i wanted more. So i go to this man and i just said 3 or 4 words and he totally change his voice and spoke to me with such power, no man ever did before or ever so far in my life. When he rebuked me with just few very strong loud words i felt like as i got into another dimension, like matrix time stops and everything turns around. And that something very dark went out of me. He said something like that: STOP IT RIGHT NOW, THE SPIRIT OF DEATH IS IN YOU MUST RESIST IT ! AND CONFESS THE TRUTH NOT LIES. TRUTH IS THAT GOD WANTS YOU TO LIVE! When he stopped speaking in that powerful voice that was just beyond what i ever heard, he shook his head and looked around the room and his first words in his normal voice were:

    UUU That was Holy Spirit. We both learned something today. And when i got back from shock of that awesome moment, i felt such peace in me that i can't describe it, so so free. Not one voice of killing myself left in me, all gone. For few weeks i felt so light so free that i keep telling all who got in conversation with me Praise God, Praise God more for His Love is amazing.I asked that man (his name is Daniel) how did u speak like that and how did u feel that moment. He said that when i opened my mouth he sow all the room get full of dark and evil presence that by no means wants that would stay in his appartment, where he has Bible talks for people that are seeking God. And he felt like, he is looking at me as i would be a child with no clue that i am in a very dangerous situation like child playing next to a mine field.

    Since that moment on i am free from those suicidal voices. Over a year now it was only 2 or 3 times that the spirit of death wanted to come back, but could not, cos now i can feel him even when he is still far away. And if i picture it 4 you: i get some bad days at work, boss, ... and it comes like a question: wouldn't be easier just to leave this?, ...its like a lion, that got burned hard, when i see it looking around the corner and wanting to get back into me. I feel like showing a litttle fire of confessing the truth and as it sees the fire is so terefied of it that runs away from me.

    So if u read all that (its very short version :-) conclusion would be There is a point to this life,
    if u look 4 it with all your heart, strength, mind u can find it with God

    If you don't believe in God and that there is nothing after death, then it could be pointless to live with constant pain. It would sound better just to end it, than to keep suffering until you die, if that would be true. But what if it is a lie and there is something after death and what if there is heaven and hell ? If i don't believe that i have a brain or person next to me cos i didn't see it. Does it mean that we don't have it for real? Or if i don't believe in gravity ...

    There is a chance if u kill yourself that you just might get from bad to a lot worse.

    If you are all the time full desires to die, to get away, escape, feeling worthless, loser, nobody, no point to this life, ... Try confessing the truth in spoken words not just in the mind. Find some things that are good, help someone, and help some more people in anyway you can and you will find out that some people have even bigger problems than you have. Like this guy:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8fupy0aMFU

    he has no arms and no legs and he is still full off joy, faith, hope, love. When i sow this short video it moved me to tears. All my problems got so small so fast.

  • Mark

    Dr. I was wondering: can i ask you point blank - what is the point of being alive ?

  • Glenda

    .. I see no point and wish my suicides were successful. Instead I'm still here. Yuk.

  • Anonymous-4

    Depression can happen after trauma, even when that trauma is birth! What a mad planet we all live on. The truth is, it's your heart that connects you to existence. For must of us, that connection is obscured by a wall of trapped emotion. Remove that wall, and you're left with an exquisite sense of joy and connection. Life is only lonely if you're alone, not if you're connected to everyone else.

  • try it, not trite

    look - if you think there is no point,

    or if you are considering suicide,

    chances are: 1) you think you know all there is to know.

    That, 2) or there is nothing worth knowing that you haven't already known there is nothing worth experiencing that you haven't already experienced.

    I submit the following: 1) there is a great deal worth experiencing. Whether it be the simplest things: the taste of vanilla ice cream, the coolness of a single blade of grass... whether it be the things you have already experienced, like the gliding of your hands over the surface of water... or whether it be the most complex of situations unexperienced: the "incredible lightness of being" while in love, or a fit of maddening, righteous anger...I submit that our sensations, our perceptions, that never cease as long as we allow them, are worth having.

    life is composed of now. Every "now" that exists, we choose. Right NOW, go out your front door and feel some grass. Feel the unfettered air upon your face.

    Recently, I had a life and death experience. I've had several in my time. I thought I was a goner, and you know what I thought? I remembered the taste of ice cream. I remembered savoring it as it melted on my tongue I wished I'd had some more.

    I also submit 2) there is so much that you don't know. If you commit suicide, or linger in depressive thoughts, open the door of your mind, and tell the pattern of thoughts taking residence to GET THE HELL OUT :)

    seriously, though, read some schopenhauer, nietzsche, sartre... they will blow your mind. Sparknotes some philosophy. It's easy to understand and it will cast you out of the wilderness your mind has placed you in.

    Try it. You might like it. And if you like it enough, you won't need a "point" --- you'll have something. Sense. Beauty. Literally... at your fingertips.

    PS get some endorphins! exercise makes you happy!

  • Anonymous-5

    Why does there have to be a point to life-it is pointless. Just enjoy life to the full, as you have the chance.

  • Mr. O

    Having recently suffered from 2 life threatening accidents in a row and having survived both, 1 of which 4 full grown men held me down and laid me to waste only to wake up in the hospital to be told if the police haden't came round the corner when they did i'd be dead, and having fallen down a 40ft drop to only fracture my spine and the docter telling me "your lucky to be alive young man" it really seems to have opened my eyes alot, I relise now that some where out there I must have a guardian angel watching over me.

    It's these kind of things that make you wonder whats the point in all of it, we work, we sleep, we eat, and we just do it all over again, we get old and we die, why we go through with this i'm not quite sure, the outcome is still the same as a suicide or a murder or even an accidental death, we die, in the end we all die, I see no purpose in life except to seek out purpose to live so in the end I can only say life really is a difficult journey having 72 million people pass through before me and not knowing if any of them did find out why we were put here just makes me wonder, "what makes me think i'd ever be the one to find out why we are!?" We're human, and life really has no meaning, I only hope that one day soon the answer to life is really found out, rather than letting some docter probe me to only ask me, "do you think your normal boy?" Yes i'm about as normal as the other 5.98 million people in this world, I hate life and have to keep putting on a fake smile everyday and acting as if everythings grand and everythings perfect, well it's not, it never is grand, and it never will be, what people need is an "escape" thats what everyone needs, we all think it just some of us think it in different ways than others!?

    Mr. O

  • Anonymous-6

    i would like someone to give me three good reasons to live

  • Anonymous-7

    why would you commit suicide seriously? do people even know what happens then? people dont even realise how much pain it would bring to their loved ones and friends if they got any. another thing is, suicide would not make you feel better. how many people believe in ghosts? survery shows thats 40 percent of people in the world believe in ghosts and other 60 do not. they believe because they have seen things and felt things. Its been proven that ghosts are the souls of people who have committed suicide or of people who got killed. so basically once you kill your self no heaven will accept you and even hell will reject you, you will not find light at the end of the tunnel nor will you be uplifted into firery hell, but you will stay stuck in the place you died and you will wonder inside that place for eternity never finding peace. so suicide wont make u rest in peace, learn to grow up and treat others how you want to be treated and i am sure you ll be accepted. life was not meant to be easy, those who are rich havent always had it the easy way, learn from the rich and successful people and stop thinking your life is miserable, life is not just joourney it is what you make of it, you should be thankful to wake up alive every morning as many people dont get that chance so get over your self and start thinking what difference you can make to this world dont just sit there and think how much your life sucks, it only sucks because of you not wanting to make it better. do something about it and move on.

    Dr. Dombeck's Note: Not to defend suicide as a useful or desirable action, but in no way has it been proven (by any definition of proof that I would accept such as scientific proof) that ghosts exist, or that ghosts (if they do exist) are the souls of the murdered and suicides. Some people believe in ghosts. Some people don't. Both can't be right and neither can prove anything definitively. So on this point, it boils down to your particular faith and beliefs, and not facts.

  • Dhanna

    I am in a bought of depression myself. These days, they are brief and a result of hormonal imbalance during mensus. But, the depression is real enough. People who can't understand suicidal thoughts should be grateful. It means they haven't gotten to a point in their lives where there seems to be no point. But, it doesn't erase the very real sense of dispare and hopelessness a person in depression feels. In fact, through out my life and times of depression - I have actually been made sicker by the "just get over it" attitude of others. People who respond to depressive people need to be mindful that they are skilled in not providing him or her with more fodder to feel isolated and alone.

    This post, from this young person sounds like me 17 years ago. High school was a truamatic time for me. More because the adults in my life, mother especially, chose to react to my need for support and help by ignoring it. I felt unvalued and what ever saddness was there was inspired into a serious case of depression. I never wanted to die. I just wanted to stop exisiting. I suppose that distinction is what made suicide an impractical route for me.

    As an adult, my depression has faded. But I get S.A.D. certain years and my menstral cycle, especially since turning 30, has been a big of a monster as far as hormones and depression goes. I have yet to find a doctor willing to take the time to help me resolve this - which doesn't serve my mood well in dark times.

    The reason I want to thank you for writing this response is that it is a response of someone who actually gets it. I would guess you have had depression or loved someone with it at some stage in your life. I needed to find this today. Even though my hormones will pass and tomorrow, I will be back to myself - today all the pain and suffering of my life floods in and I weep like a small child who just needs a mother who would, for once, care. It is amazing how quickly an adult can be pulled back into the pain of the psyche. Your distinction between the two types of pain is vital for a person with depression. It is a cruical reminder that growing pain is real and feels like loss, regret, and a death of a part of who we have been. But a reminder like yours is that most pain is growing pain and it will pass.

    I pray this young person has read or reads your response. I pray that all people with depression do. It was the first time in my 35 years on the planet where I felt a professional actually heard me.From my own experience... the feeling of not being heard is the critical tipping point of what I go through.

    So thank you. Thank you.

  • Robyn Davies

    I see suicide as a form of euthanasia, because it is a choice to end your life when in suffering and pain, whether it be a terminal illness or serious depression both are uncontrollable (what confirmed my belief of this was when I saw an animal commit suicide)(we do it to animals why not to us? You wont let me make the decision to do it when healthy and yet when I am in terminal suffering you wont either? wheres the logic? we do it to animals dont we?). From an early age I had promises made to me and future pathed out for me whilst surrounded by those that I love, but that was easily taken away. Now to be frank I have nothing to live for. I find it extremely hard to make friends and confide in the internet as that is the only thing in my life I feel in control of. I dont want to be a part of this depressing rat race only to have all you have worked for taken away, I dont want to be surrounded by all of these selfish, thick, vain people in the world who think that being someone is being famous. I cant stand the lies and promises people cant keep, I cant stand the fact that I am surrounded by people who think life is a popularity bitching contest, and when I do finally find someone who thinks and feels the way I do they either die or like I do think about how shit people have made this life every living second of the day and continue to be miserable. I am told to get on with it or seek help, but at the end of it all, it is all a waste of time I feel this way and I always shall. All the small things have just eaten away at me through the years and I just have no more to give. Whats the use? Its sad but hey I'm only 17 and have felt this way since I was 7 you would have thought I would have gotten over it and got a bit of perspective. well hows this for perspective. I think I would rather be terminally ill and want to live, than be healthy and spending every living moment wanting to die.

  • Anonymous-8

    Whether it be people, pets, or spiritual beliefs love is a strong motivating force in finding happiness. I agree with others that it is out of love for the people who care about us that we should never commit suicide. While you may feel as though life is pointless or hopeless, others do not. It is they who you must consider. Unless with your desire to end it you have lost your compassion for them and with it concern for thier happiness. Life has is challenging moments, in 39 years the most challenging of things I have encountered is the death of a loved one. My brother, when I was 15 commited suicide. When he died my father was broken. Already an alcoholic he began drinking more heavily. He died of liver disease when I was 21. While these were the most personal of losses I have experienced. There were others as well and I can tell you that each time I lost someone who I loved It added to the cumulative grief I have suffered. Recently I was working in a morgue and I went into the new cooler to hook up power to the lights. I was unaware that the mortician had at some point put a body in the cooler for storage. It was a 16 year old girl who had killed herself. I did not know her but it saddend me deeply to see her in that state. It seemed so un-natural for someone so young to have lost thier life. I will always remember her face so empty. Her family was devistated. She had many people who cared about her, some of whom she did not even realize. Her death will affect them for the rest of their lives. I wonder if she new the effect her death would have on a total stranger working in the morgue. I have thought of death many times. I have read philosophy, the bible and even studied buddhihism and I still have found no empirical evidence which proves or disproves our significance in this life. I have however experienced over and over the grief one feels at the loss of another human being. So please. Find a place that makes you happy, and stay for a while longer. In all likelihood you will find it to be the proper choice. People love you whether you realize it or not and someone will be hurt if you die. Someone once told me that in any given moment you are either extending love or projecting fear. Try extending love maybe you'll feel better. thanks for listening. Peace be with you...

  • Marvin

    First of all, I would say that suicide is not primarily related to the question: "life - yes or no?" ("to be or not to be?"), it is mainly a question of "when and how" we die. Let´s face it - we are not immortal and sooner or later everybody will die. If I commit suicide, I will just make my life shorter and I will have the power to decide on the way how I will die. Some people can appreciate "life´s simple pleasures" and they do not want to be robbed of any minute of it (ok, it is their way), some people like surprises and they are eager to see how death surprises them one day, whether they die of cancer after a long period of suffering or whether they get injured in a car accident and then they will die after several years of suffering or being disabled etc. Other people can be afraid of becoming a ghost roaming in this world after committing suicide. None of those kinds of people will probably decide to terminate their own life.

    But as for me, I do not like my life. Not because it is full of pain and disaster, but mainly because I do not like the pleasures of life. I do not like looking at flowers, I do not like feeling the gentle breeze, I do not like friendly talks with people, I do not like waking up or falling asleep, I do not like eating my meals and I do not find any extreme pleasure in defecation or in working for my employer. I do not suffer all the time, sometimes it is bearable, but I would not regret if I had died 10 years ago and had never experienced those bearable moments of my life.

    And I find no comfort in the idea that one day I will get seriously ill, injured or very old, and that then one day I will die under the circumstances which I will have no power to influence or change. Meanwhile, my parents and all the beloved people will die, I will go to see their coffins during the funeral, and from each of these funerals I will just go back home, because I did not want to kill myself in order not to make them suffer because of my suicide. I just wanted to make them happy to watch me as I clumsily play the sad comedy in the disgusting show of my life. But they enjoy the spectacle, I have no right to spoil their fun, yeah? But one day, they will die and I will still keep my life, because maybe some unknown person would get angry or sad if I killed myself, right? So I will live on, and wait for slaughter like a blind lamb. Nice perspective, isn´t it?

    Not for me. I prefer having the power to decide when and how I will die. I might miss a lot of nice moments as a result of my decision, OK, but I really do not want to experience those nice moments... And do not worry, I will not miss anything after my death, after my suicide, because I will not exist anymore after my death. By committing suicide I will just make my life shorter a little bit. Just a question of time, nothing more, nothing less. No need for dramatic over-reactions... I did not ask for life and I will not annihilate it, I will just make it a little bit shorter and I will avoid some pain and some pleasures which I really do not like so much...

  • Poo Cat

    I typed "what is the point" into Google and ended up here. It is so very sad to read some of the comments here. I feel depressed and have thoughts about suicide but on reading the comments all i want to do is shout "Don't do it!" - even though there can be no answer to "what is the point?". The only answer I can think of is the people that love you,

  • Jin

    I'm not surprised to see idiots explaining why suicide is just choice of how and when to die since we all die eventually anyway. Their stupidity in responding to a child who clearly needs help with explanations on how suicide isn't a big deal are old meme. Dangerous, but the same old indication of people who just want attention for radically asinine ideas. What bothered and surprised me was the assorted flippant ways in which Dr. Dombeck has responded to some of this person. Sure, it'll go away eventually but it doesn't FEEL that way and saying that thoughts of suicide can be revisited if he wants to sounds to me like this person is just as irrelevant to Dr. Dombeck as he feels to others around him. People reaching out for help, wanting to know what the point is, don't want to be talked down to. It fuels their feelings of unimportance.

    Dr. Dombeck's Note: The need to be understood in a felt way is very powerful, and at times can be very ellusive. Similarly difficult to communicate is to help someone else feel understood. It is a very very difficult thing to digitize. By this, I mean to say that such feelings are best able to be perceived in a face to face context. They simply don't come across well through the medium of text. There is also the problem of perspective. I do not intend my responses to be flippant and do not experience them as that in the moment of their creation, but once published, people judge what I have written not by what I intended but by how it appears to them. So - this is complicated. I prefer to speak my mind in responding, hoping that an authentic if imperfect voice will be preferable to readers than platitudes. Also, there is no time available for composition and refining how to say things in just the right way. However, this approach clearly doesn't work for all. I ask for the reader's forgiveness, if I have come across rawly at times.

  • Debbie

    We hear all the normal quotes. "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, it's a selfish thing to do to those that love you."

    How long before a temporary problem is permanent? 1 year, 2 years,5 years? Not all problems are temporary. Is it not selfish for those you love to force or guilt you into staying here when you have been miserable for so long? What about your feelings? Why the stigma? It is just death and we all have to do it at some point or other.

    Call it depression, mental illness or whatever you want. Each individual should have the choice. I find times of joy in my life, have family I love and a good job. I hate life. I don't want to be here and don't feel like their should be stigma attached to that. I am tired. I am tired of struggling to make ends meet. I am tired of trying to do good and be good to people to get my teeth kicked in, in the end. I am tired of having to deal with people I don't want to deal with. I am tired of feeling pressure to attend family or work functions I don't want to attend.

    Who made up the mental health rules? Who thinks each of us can be neatly diagnosed by information in a book? What if in the end those rules are found to be all wrong? Just because we as a society believe something now, doesn't make it real. Science has changed its mind about many things over the centurys.

    I say, if you want to die then just do it. I for one am currently deciding and will be shipping out what I want to make sure I give to a few select people before I go.

  • kind and heartless

    I think I'm in depression. No one else knows. It got better for a while, but it's gotten worse again. I don't know why I should live. There are no reasons. People sometimes give the reason 'Because people love you' or 'Because of love', but those are no reasons for me because I don't think love exists. We have been told of this fantasy called love, but there is none. I don't believe people have the ability to care for one another. I believe it nearly all stems from self interest. I DO believe there is such a thing as pity. I have never been able to care for someone else with no ulterior motive. Never. I often pretend I care for people when I couldn't care less. I DO sometime pity people, but I still haven't ruled out the possibility that that could just be from self-interest also. Despite that, by other people I am considered a gentle and kind person, and when other people speak of suicide, I am horrified (pity). I have no true friends. Sometimes, people really do seem to almost care for me, and I am shocked, but the next moment, when I need someone the most there never is anyone- that person I believed to care only wishes to use me in some manner. I don't think I've ever laid eyes on a person who cares. It would take someone so selfless, that I believe it to be impossible for human nature. I remember a year or two ago, when there was about 2 or 3 months strung together, where I was always happy. I would wake up in the morning and be smiling and well rested. Everything is different now, but I still want that happiness back. I don't think I will actually kill myself because I have not forgotten what it feels like to be happy. I felt joyous. I felt like I could walk on water. I felt content with myself. I felt like I had just run 10 miles. I like being around happy people because it helps me to remember how good it felt. I never speak of my problems, and never shall in my life. I never mock or want to hurt people. It hurts me (pity). I'm desperately afraid of people. Even my own family. They have never done anything to purposefully hurt me, yet I cower inwardly whenever a person speaks or looks at me. It's normal to cry myself to sleep. I feel so horrible when I feel this ill, because it means I am reliving history. I will never have children because I don't want them to have to suffer like I have (pity). I'm scared all the time, mostly when I am with people. The smallest thing makes me want to flee. I love being alone. I love sleeping. I could sleep for hours and hours and never tire of it. It is the only place I feel safe and happy. But once in a while my misery finds me there too and is much worse, and I will go for many hours without sleep. Sitting in a corner of the room with a blanket around my shoulders and body...my face against the cool wall...sitting on the smooth cool wood floor...falling asleep like that is the most comforting thing in the world to me. The walls hold me and don't let go. They are secure. The blanket keeps me warm. The cools walls and floor keep me from becoming overheated. That is something no human will ever be able to give me.

    When I wake up I'm afraid again. When I wake up I know there is no such thing as love- in my dreams sometimes I can convince myself that there really is.

  • Dianna

    I am at a time in my life where I wonder. I am 53 and been maried most of my life. Went from father to hubby. I been wondering what I should of or could of!!! I have been depressed for almost two years now.

    My marriage has been a roller coaster marriage. He's a drinker. I hate it when he drinks. I should leave..not sure why I don't.

    Part of me just wants to ended this life. I want a better life. Where there is love joy peace. Is there such a thing. I have consider taking my life....I know it's wrong.

    Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed..I go whats the use. Same old thing. I hate the weekend's.

    I gain so much weight..I hate it.I look off full..none of my clothes fit. I try to lose but ...can't seem to do it.

    I don't have insurance anymore..so I want go to Dr's.Even when I had insurance I was ashame to tell my Dr...that I just wanted to end my life.

    When your depressed there is so much that goes through your head...My brother past away in 2005 and I said than he was lucky to be gone from this world. I wished it had been me instead of him.

    I don't think I would really end my life unless I am pushed to far. Hope I never find that out.

    I do try at time to say things will get better. Just wonder when. I have a trusted issue with people...even my family. As for friends I never had any...sad 53 years old and you think I would have at least one.

    I try and just stay to myself and never let anyone close to me. Not sure why.

    But life goes on...I just keep hoping there will be a better tomorrow. And if that never comes...than I know some day I will have peace love and joy when this life is over.

  • Anonymous-9

    I honestly don't know why suicide is such a hot topic. If someone wishes to end their existence, why shouldn't they be able to? There are some perks to living, no doubt but, all in all, it's pretty rough, too. And, lately, the rough times far outweigh the happier ones.

    So what are the pro life arguments? That something is wrong and all you need is help? Through pills? Therapists? What if none of that actually works? What if it really is all for naught? What if we truly are alone and our lives are meaningless? Is it, somehow, okay to guilt the person into living because of how it'll affect their family?

    If anything, I'd say suicide is a natural reaction towards life. It means you're a rational human being, able to evaluate our surrounds and environment and come to an actual conclusion, instead of letting it run its course. You die through diapers, cancer or randomness, so why not go out on your own terms?

    You can't argue against it, because there isn't a valid argument to be made. I am right. Life isn't as sacred as they want you to believe, believe it or not. It musn't be protected at all costs. It is yours. Do with it what you will.

  • jessie garcia

    thanks for your input i think you are right and sometimes suicide isn't the best choice some people are just too down to really know wether or not life is worth living.

  • shaney

    Kind and heartless, ive never agreed with anyone so much until i read your comment. although ive got too much of a caring family too do myself in, i go through the exact same struggles as yourself. the sleeping in until 2 in the afternoon, the beflief in not a single soul who could honestly understand the state of mind im in that plagues me every single morning. i love life and the people that i encounter everyday all i want to do is be good to people but i just cant cant get past the fact that most people do not care and are too preoccupied with what they have to do today and that noone really is courageous enough to open their minds to the infinite possiblities of this life. just like you, i am horrified of the thought of killing myself, im not that selfish to leave my family in a constant state of despair and sadness for the rest of their life due to my inabilty to accept the reality of life, which is, life is a goddamn struggle and theres no two ways about it. i too am afraid of trying to act like a normal person around people and i too find no greater comfort in my life than being by myself and doing the things that truly make me happy. but, regardless of everything, there are a few moments that truly make us feel like this is all worth while and i know everyone reading this has felt the same way. coming from a person who was entertaining the idea of just ending it all tonight, i thought of that one simple thought and it made me feel alright, even if just for the night. as thom yorke said, :"it's a long way to go, before we can rest. but its all for the best". god bless you all

  • HELPLESS

    most people don't understand that bipolor is NOT a choise. it is a disease. i have been fighting this horrible disease since my son was born. he is now 11, my son is the light of my life but very challenging at this age and i'm sure more challenges await. i don't have ups and downs as normal for bipolars, just the extreme down. 11 years is a very long time to live horribly depressed. there aren't very many people who wouldn't say oh just shake it off and get on with your beautiful life. you have a wonderful husband, beautiful son and all the material things anyone could want. i do work with a dr. of pharmacology and take many medications. nothing has seemed to help. i stay to myself always and when tossed into a group situation i cover my problem very well. no one would ever believe i live with such a horrible disease. it only makes me feel like a very poor mother and wife. i have no family or friends to help. it's all i can do to get through a day. we'll that's about it. i came to this website quite by accident and felt that anyone else sharing the same problem perhaps we could help each other .......i don't know. this is just one little blurp i thought i might share with someone out there that understands your pain and realizes that it is a disease and not just the blues you can shake off. the best to all that struggle with the same.

  • Anonymous-10

    Read this it may make everything clear.

    http://www.personal-development.com/chuck/point-of-life.htm

  • Anonymous-11

    All that blah but the question is NEVER answered. What is the point of life? When you are dead you wont even care about your family or friends, you'll be DEAD. They'll just have to deal, you wont feel worse, the suffering WILL end,...because you'll be DEAD. High school dont last forever? True, but the future is an illusion, it does not exist so just wait a few years of suffering to see how it goes? What if it doesnt get better? Nothing is for sure. If you die you wont know if it will get better but you can be sure it wont get worse. If you die that's it let the living deal with that if they care at all. If you decide to wait and see like some sort of entertainment 'woohoo' enjoy. But back to the question...nobody knows no one will a 'right' answer other than a socially acceptable guess.

  • Thomas

    I've been thinking of ending my life more and more over the past year. I've been unemployed since 2006 and have no prospect of meaningful re-employment. I'm living off my savings and they won't last forever. I have a wife who really does not love me... I don't think we've loved each other for several years, and my lack of a job does not help matters. Our son (13 years) is the only thing that keeps me going, the only one in my life that I love and loves me. I would not like him to know I had killed myself, but lately I am getting to the stage where life is too much to bear. Ending it would solve it. And really, WHAT IS THE POINT? (I am an atheist so any talk of religion is not going to help.) Like some of the others who have commented here, sleeping is becoming an escape. I have taken to sleeping in the afternoons. Sometimes I just find a quiet corner, away from people, and sit and fall asleep for an hour. Time means nothing. The whole universe could disappear and I would not care (except for my son). But what is the point of striving to overcome life's challenges? Why? What is the point?

  • Anonymous-12

    I have to admit my life is also not worth living. I'm attractive, intelligent but..... what does it mean? I suffer from avoidant personality disorder, depression, diabetes and my life is permanent hell. I had an affair with my psychiatrist which was basically the only shining light i've had and then he dumped me and left me bankrupt. Now i'm in a worse position than before, I can't work or even leave the house. What is the point?? I'm sick of trying to fit in and struggle constantly with the contradictions around me and now even my care provider has turned because of the affair. This world is truly messed up.

  • Bung

    I have to say that ending it all has been close to my thoughts for some time. After two and a half years of deliberation I have decided that now, if ever is the time. I was in the Navy for six years. Had three kids there. In my last year my wife went home and I left this hemisphere. When I came back she was someone I had never met in many, many ways. I spent two and a half years dedicating my life to getting my wife back and thank god she at least cared a little, if not for that my endless dedication to her and my children would have been fruitless. I thought about suicide for hours many, many nights in a row, for years. I have to say though, In my case things got better. We have been married about 9 and a half years and are very happy right now. I pray to the god/gods above that things work out for each and everyone of you. I hope this helps, just knowing that hope is a posibillity.

  • Sergei

    If you are depressed and seeking some kind of relief, you need Jesus Christ in you life. Just ask him for help and he will not let you down. This world is full of filth and hatred and only God is the way out. I was also really depressed and found no joy in life until I asked God to help me. And he did. You should give it a try!

  • 39 male

    If your attractive, smart, and in shape, just have fun partying.

  • Alan

    I agree with your 1st reasoning, that the suicide solution maybe helped by therapy or medication.

    but, As per you 2nd point,I want a permanent solution.

    3rd point, I know suicide will affect my family, my kids & my wife more than anyone else.. Makes you question. What am I leaving behind for them, a legacy of idiocy? makes you think maybe they should have the same peace...

    4th, I definitely do not want to show them anything. If anything at all, i wish I can just dissappear quietly from everyones mind. i've had all the humiliation my pride can take. I don't think it can get any crueller...

  • Anonymous-13
  • Mariah

    I am 16 and I sometimes wonder what the point of life is. We just live and die, and not much else. I'm not suicidal, I just wonder. I believe no one should commit suicide, so if you're reading this and you want to don't. It will hurt everyone close to you. Your life will get better. However, I do want to know what my motivation to get up in the morning is.

  • Anonymous-14

    for those of you who are encouraging suicide and arguing that "there is no point in life," i have a better question for you. if there is no point in living, then what is the point in dying?

    we all have atributes that make us unique, and special. if we use our gifts to help the world, and allow other to use their gifts to help us, why miss out on the opportunity?

    life has a lot to offer, you just have to be willing to open your eyes to it and be accepting of what gets thrown our way. when you face these bad experiences, realize that it only makes the good experiences that much sweeter.

  • Athena

    I too have contemplated killing myself. However I think I have confused "death" with "freedom". I need freedom from pain, from abusive people, from trauma, from my fears, from my apathy, from my life, which if you looked at it from the outside, you would say is not a life at all. There's no guarantee that death won't be a worse hell-hole than your life is. Wouldn't that be a bummer. So I'm trying to focus on simply "living". All the things on my "to do before I die list". If I give myself 10 years to live, then I want it to be an amazing 10 years. No worry about saving for retirement! If you want to kill yourself, there's a burden off your shoulders. If I enjoy the next 10 years, who's to say I won't want to live longer? Live for the moment!!!

  • Sigmatic

    I really appreciated this article. Such wisdom about there being other, and better, ways to solve a situational problem. Thank you.

  • Paddy Meehan

    Life sucks then you die, wanting to speed up the porocess is only natural, i am in a similar situation, 14, ginger, frecly nerd. I was bullied so badly I think I may now have some serious mental issues, my grandfather was scitsophrenic, so i inherited a lump of that, I have had a hard home life, my father hit me as a small child, my mother always prefered my sister, and 70% of the time get the impression she hates me, my grandfather, grandmother and aunt all died when I was 6, my aunt had down syndrome, at the time I was so scared of my dad and my mum was so distant I had nobody to talk to, and I have never really had anyone to talk to, last christmas my uncle who I was very close to died, my aunt who I am even closer to is on her way out, my dad no longer hits me but is a huge alcholic, I suspect he does cannabis aswell, I found a tin of it once, my mum is even more distant, my sister just left for university, everyone I have ever loved has abandoned me, all of the people I considered to be my best friends aboned me, got together and beat me up, my dad lost his job in the government cuts, we practically live in poverty, I attempted scuicide a few mounths ago. Life sucks, OK?

  • Anonymous-15

    If anyone told me they were considering suicide I would more than likely try to talk them out of it and yet.... I have thought about suicide many times, tried a few times. The last few months I've started to think its the only way I can stop everything from hurting. My childhood was horrible, its strange but I think the neglect of my mother and others damaged me more than the abuse of my father and 2 brothers. I've tried since then to get my life on track but even when I don't mess up something else happens and I'm right back to square 1. A little over a year ago I lost a baby, the only thing that gives me any comfort is that at least my baby won't ever have to suffer. But I still miss that baby I only ever got to see on a scan and never got to meet. And if this is it for me, constantly trying to keep going, to drag myself out of bed every day, always trying to get over the last bad thing to happpen and waiting for the next I can't see the point. Its not that I want everything perfect, I just want a reason to get up in the morning besides the fear that if I don't people will know how depressed I am which is stupid because there is noone to see. I am 30 years old and I can't think of a time when I was happy except when I was pregnant, despite being scared I knew that my child would be loved and for the first time I felt good about the future even though it wasn't planned and I would be alone raising a child. Now I can't pretend the way I did before that I don't care, I didn't think after everything in my life I could be hurt so much. I don't know why I'm writing this and it probably doesn't make a lot of sense. But I think I give up now, I'm tired all the time and I'm finished trying it always ends up the same way.

  • Survivor

    Few things. I philosophically believe it is each person's ethical right to choose whether or not to live. That said, I know first hand the deep and dire emotional impact of someone taking his or her life. I am 35. Three years ago the man I loved killed himself. It was the most devastating thing that I have ever lived through - worse than the rape and sexual abuse I survived. I am bipolar with psychotic episodes. My symptoms presented at 9 (started with self-harm) and I began seriously risky self-harm and suidicidal behaviors at 14. I did not get diagnosed until right before my lover killed himself, age 32, and my life reads more like fiction that fact because of my intense espisodes and very real trauma. I barely take any medication mostly because I am an educated person that thinks some of the side effects are not worth the pay off -a highly personal choice, for which I take responibility. I suffer from rapid cycling and have intense bouts of both mania and depression. I hate the mania as much as the depression - it is truly madness. I have spent so much time contemplating suicide and while today I have zero desire to do it (I'm more worried about my work deadlines!), I know the feelings will come back again. What is the point? The only one I can see is to retain a sense of humor. The rest is bs. I am an atheist. I could be wrong, and hope I am, but I do not believe in an afterlife. I have gotten through my bad episodes through leaning on family and friends, escaping through TV and interent, exercise, dance, and counseling. Group counseling has really been the best thing for me. It helped me feel less alone and like I had a group of women

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