Social Skills
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Ad Disclosure: Some of our MentalHelp.net recommendations, including BetterHelp, are also affiliates, and as such we may receive compensation from them if you choose to purchase products or services through the links provided
There isn't one social skill; there are many. They involve actual skills, knowledge and beliefs about self and the world that come together to make people better able to manage relationships:
Socially skilled people tend to be confident people. They feel generally good about themselves. While they know they aren't perfect, they do feel they are "good enough", and worthy of other's love and caring. They expect that other people will probably like them if they give them a chance.
Socially skilled people tend to be outgoing and positive about life. They take the initiative when meeting other people, and make it clear, through their body language manners and words that they are in a good mood, or (and this is the important part) at least willing to look for the good in a situation when they are not feeling so hot. Other people tend to find these qualities to be rewarding and want to be with such people. Less socially skilled people tend to be less outgoing, and frequently less positive when they meet others. They may be perfectly nice, but no one gets to find that out, because they do not tend to introduce themselves, but instead wait for others to introduce themselves.
Socially skilled people tend to have a good grasp of social protocol. A protocol is a shared convention for communication. Protocols allow two people (or groups) from different backgrounds who may have very little in common to know how to speak with one another without anyone getting offended. For example, socially skilled people understand what other people are expecting to hear when greeted or approached, or how they expect to be thanked when they have given a gift. Because they understand what to do, they are able to produce desired responses that those people want and expect. They know, for instance, to shake hands when meeting a business partner, kiss on both cheeks when meeting a European friend, and make a special hand sign or give a hug when greeting a close childhood friend. Other ways that people express their command of social protocol might include that:
Social skills are, in essence, the personal skills equivalent of marketing skills in business. You may be a wonderful person, but if you don't know how to present yourself to people in a way that helps them want to "buy into you", you won't find yourself with many "customers" (e.g., friends). There is a competitive aspect to many relationships, especially when those relationships are new. A good command of social skills helps you to put your best foot forward, and be maximally proactive. When you have good social skills, you have the tools necessary to make relationships happen.