Perspectives - Vol. 1, No. 2 - My Child is GayBarb Chandler Updated: May 1st 1996
Imagine that your teenager tells you one day that she or he is lesbian or gay. Suddenly you are faced with some very challenging issues that you are not prepared to deal with as a parent. You've entered a very alien world, a world that you never thought that you would be involved with. What can you expect? What are some of the issues surrounding being a parent of a gay or lesbian youth?. Accepting your child's homosexuality, and educating yourself on the subject takes time. The initial news will come as a shock, even though you suspected, you're stunned. Your unspoken suspicions have been confirmed. You never thought that one of your children would be homosexual. Tears spill, anger flares, disbelief sickens. Take your time to organize your own thoughts and feelings regarding the information you have been given, before beginning to address the parenting issues around having a gay or lesbian child. After you have recovered from the shock of this announcement, you will need to begin to face some issues that parents of gay and lesbian youth have to deal with. - "Why did he/she tell me?"
- "Why is my child homosexual?"
- "Is homosexuality a mental illness?"
- "Can therapy change sexual orientation?"
- "What are we going to tell family and friends?"
- "Who can I turn to for support?"
It is reasonable to assume that your son or daughter took you into their confidence because they love and respect you very much. Sharing this aspect of themselves with you is important to their mental health. This process, which is referred to as "coming out," has been found by mental health researchers to be strongly related to psychological adjustment. The more positive the gay or lesbian identity, the better one's mental health and the higher one's self esteem. There is no simple reason that a person is homosexual, just as there is no simple reason why a person is heterosexual. Many scientists share the view that sexual orientation is shaped for most people at an early age through complex interactions of biological, psychological and social factors. Gay and lesbian people are from all types of cultural backgrounds, races, religions, and nationalities. They work in all occupations and live in all parts of the country. In July of 1994 the American Psychological Association released a document which stated that homosexuality is neither mental illness or moral depravity. "It is simply the way a minority of our population expresses love and sexuality." Some therapists have who undertaken conversion therapy, changing orientation from homosexual to heterosexual, report having changed their clients sexual orientation. The American Psychological Association states that; "close scrutiny of their reports indicates several factors which cast doubt; many of the claims come from organizations with an ideological perspective on sexual orientation, rather than from mental health researchers, the treatments and their outcomes are poorly documented, and the length of time that clients are followed up after the treatment is too short." In 1990 the American Psychological Association stated that; "scientific evidence does not show that conversion therapy works and that it can do more harm than good." You should not confide in any other family member without your child's permission since it is his or her life you are discussing. If you get their permission, you should not tell anybody unless you have reached the point where you are not defensive about your child's homosexuality. Unless you can be positive about your own feelings more than likely you will communicate your unhappiness or doubt to others. It is very helpful that you talk with people outside your situation. The knowledge that there are other parents who have gone through very similar situations such as yours helps you to realize that you are not alone, and provides you with sympathetic people who can help you to clarify your thoughts and feelings. Therefore, when you are ready to share your feelings with someone outside of your family. A resource which is very helpful to parents with a child who is gay or lesbian is PFLAG, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. PFLAG has chapters in most major cities. Resolution takes time. Don't despair. You will evolve as a wiser parent with some very valuable parenting skills. You might never had thought you'd need these skills, however, through mastery you have become a stronger parent.. Reference
Chandler, Barb (1996). My child is gay. [Online]. Perspectives. [1996, May 15]. | 
