Being Gay: A Life Style Choice? - LGBT Homosexuality And Bisexuality Meanings

The question of what causes some people to be gay has been a topic of endless debate among the general public and the mental health community. Generally speaking, the religious community of every persuasion views homosexuality as an abhorrent sin against God and nature. Deeply religious groups among Muslims, Christians, Catholics and Jews reject homosexuality as totally unacceptable in the eyes of God. Therefore, most orthodox religious leaders view it as a life style choice thereby condemning the homosexual to eternal hell.

The American Psychiatric Association, the organization that writes and publishes the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, with the cooperation of professionals from psychology and social work professions, listed homosexuality as a mental disorder until the 1970's. Based on increasing amounts of research the APA decided to drop homosexuality as a diagnostic category. They found that as long as gay people adapted well to their sexual orientation and were able to function in society, there was no reason for them to be placed in the category of having a mental illness. Therefore, when gay people seek psychiatric counseling there is no reason to attempt to counsel them to change their sexual orientation. In other words, there is no reason why a gay person should not be considered normal.

The fact is that little is know about why some people become gay and others do not. Here are some of the major areas of study on this issue:

During the 1990's evidence was found that a gene could be the root cause of homosexuality. It was thought that the X chromosome, which is passed from the mother to the son, carried the variability that accounted for becoming gay. More recently, both the X and Y chromosomes have been investigated to determine the causes of homosexuality. The Y chromosome is passed from the father to the son and it is this Y chromosome that determined the sex of the baby. All of these studies have been successful to the extent that they have found genetic factors to be the cause of homosexuality in fifty to sixty percent of the populations studied.

Along with the study of genes and chromosomes the environment in the womb of the mother, as well as other prenatal factors, have been studied to understand how it can affect sexual orientation. A very recent study found that mothers who had given birth to several male children are more likely to have a son born who will be gay. It is thought that something happened in the mother’s uterus after she delivered her older children that altered the fetus of the last child in a way that makes him gay. It is speculated that hormonal changes occur in utero resulting in the brains of the individuals who become gay being affected in ways that are as yet unknown.

There is a long list of researchers who have speculated for many years that the environment, as represented by the family and the home, are the key determiners of homosexuality. Sigmund Freud wrote that the child, fearful of his father wrath, identifies with his mother and, unconsciously takes his father (or men in general) as the object of their sexual love. This is a variation of his controversial Oedipal Conflict which has largely been rejected in the mental health community.

Other and more recent writers have discussed sexual abuse in the home or neighborhood at the hands of relatives and or friends and neighbors. Then, too, there is the issue of poverty and its impact on human development and adjustment in every key area of functioning.

It has been my good fortune to have worked with a few psychologists, social workers and psychiatrists who are gay. These are healthy and well adjusted people who are excellent practitioners in the fields of medicine and mental health. In addition, I have had the experience of treating many gay men during my long years as a psychotherapist. These are people who sought treatment for depression and anxiety and, in a few cases, for personality disorders. In all cases, these were hard working, law-abiding and extremely successful people who were well-adjusted to the fact that they are gay.

Among this sample of men I have known as professional colleagues and as patients in my practice, none ever reported making a choice to live a gay life style. Quite to the contrary, most gay men reported experiencing the usual childhood sexual urgings but towards boys rather than girls. In a few cases, the dawning of awareness of sexual preference did not begin until adolescence. Some of these men made efforts to be heterosexual, dating girls and attempting sexual intercourse with females. In most cases they reported feeling no sense of satisfaction from sexual intercourse and realized they really were gay. In other cases, there was the complete inability to function heterosexually but no difficulty functioning homosexually. However, most of these people liked having women as friends but never made any effort to perform heterosexually because they had no desire to do so.

In all cases, these men reported the fact that they accepted their homosexuality, had many friends, some had permanent intimate partners and had no wish to become heterosexual. However, everyone agreed that it would be a lot easier to live in the world if they were heterosexual beings. The reason for believing it would be easier to be heterosexual is that gay people must cope with a lot of hostility and prejudice.

As a result of everything I have read, learned and experienced as a mental health worker, I long ago concluded that homosexuality is not a matter of choice. Instead, it seems quite clear to me that there is a combination of genetic and biological factors that cause people to become gay. Choice and willfulness have nothing to do with who does and does not become homosexual. Those who are gay have no more choice over their sexual preferences than those who are heterosexual.

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I have an older gay brother and a couple of homosexual cousins,so im pretty sure its bio.

The bible names plenty of sins that makes no since at all,Maybe if you people werent so close minded you would understand.

Some of these comments are the most foolish I've ever seen. I can only speak for myself as a gay male, and I can assure you at no point was it a choice. I come from a Roman Catholic home, no divorced parents, no overbearing mother/father, no abuse or lack of love, etc. None of the so-called reasons for having this instilled in my mind or what have you.

There was no point that I 'came to terms' with myself or that I watched pornography and suddenly was taken into some sort of fad as a teenager. Indeed, I never got out of the 'girls are icky' phase. I encountered both harassment to the point of being attacked as well as a very few who did want to treat it as a fad (merely to pull strings or emulate a minority group)-both of which don't help people understand or at least tolerate me either way. Contrary to media, I do not have a fish out of water wrist, hold parties of sex and drugs, prance around with a lisp or any of the other stereotypes out there. I am attracted to men, I always have been, sexually and emotionally. I have tried such encounters with women and I don't know what else I can do to convince people that all the devotion in the world does not 'cure' or give me a choice in the matter-there is zero there for the female sex. I am not 'proud' of being gay, I'm merely at terms with reality. I truly don't understand why the hostility-and please keep the religion argument aside. Not everyone is Christian, and people follow their own path.

So to sum it up, when did you choose to become heterosexual? Or, if you will-could you honestly choose to become a homosexual? Could you do so, just put the image in your mind honestly and think it is equal to how you feel now (and tell me the -only- thing stopping you from a same sex pursuit is a moral choice). The mentality that I wanted this life (it is not the life I mind, it is the awful treatment of so-called loving people) just puzzles me.

Thank you for this article. I am a straight woman and have always believed that being gay is not a choice but have always been bombarded by people telling me otherwise( Catholic Community-to the extreme).

What I don't understand is why people are getting so heated about this because of religion.

I am a devout Catholic and yes, I know the bible says homosexuality is bad etc but..so what? Everyone should be allowed, respected and left alone with their lives: EVEN IF YOU DON'T AGREE.

Right now, there's a place for religion and there are instances where it should be left at home. I'm not saying homosexual people have to be allowed to marry in the church, thats for its congregation to decide but:you cannot change how a person feels, how they are born. No matter your religion or views, it's time to get caught up in the 21st century and accept and let live.

I wonder why people in the mental health profession, tend to be seriously biased? I find it interesting that people who have a faith based response are attacked. I would like to see 'mental health professionals' give some facts (instead of saying that you just plainly disagree that being gay is a choice) and prove some points. If you want to come from a scientifical stand point, then back up your talk with some research and fact. Then maybe we could have a really good debate on whether being gay is a choice verses "being born" that way.

People of all ages today are being bombarded with this homosexual agenda. I mean honestly take a look at MTV or TMZ they have homosexual people all over these channels! They promote it to spread the idea of homosexuality. i can agree that being gay isn't exactly a choice but more of an idea that is planted in someones head which then becomes how they choose to feel. To put it plainly it is a perversion in ones mind set, and there are many reasons why homosexuality is wrong.

Homosexuality has been illegal for centuries and in no way should that be changed. The simple fact that a man is equiped with a penis and a women with a vagina should be enough physical evidence to see that that is how it was designed to be! Even the bible tells the story of Sodom and Gamorrah; it tells of the wickedness and perversion that flooded and blinded the entire town. It was so bad that the men even wanted to violate the angels that came to warn Lot.

As stated chinagirl's story, the idea of homosexuality was put apon her, that alone shows how much of an effect the sin has on people. Homosexual practices are an ABOMINATION to God and all that he has created. Religious or not every man and women will be judged as waka waka had stated. It isnt the person that upsets God it is the practice of it. As stated in Leviticus 18:22 "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." If you buy into the lie you will be blind to the truth.

Homosexuality is a decieving lie that can consume one who practices such things. Many practicers of black magic incorporate homosexual intercourse as part of their ceremonies. It may sound ridiculous but it is the truth! You cannot be ignorant and blinded by the media and music and the lies!

To conclude i would like to say that it is nobodys choice to do what you do except your own. If you want the truth seek it yourself that is between you and God.

I am very sorry that you feel persecuted because many of us in mental health do not agree with the philosophy that either addictions or homosexuality are matters of choice. How does one choose to be gay? Is it that they arise one morning, stretch, take a shower and decide, "OK, I'll be gay?" People choose to be addicted and homeless and with physically sick? I do not think so.

The major problem with subscribing to the notion that these things are matters of choice is that it becomes a handy way to blame rather than help people.

One more thing: Its curious that you feel persecuted because that is the complaint often stated by those who suffer addictions or are gay.

I cannot and will not as a professional, advocate for anything that vicitimizes another into a particular role or circumstance. As with chemical dependency there may be factors that predispose an individual to certain things. No one really knows or can prove otherwise. Most of the literature based upon clinical research trials has typically been performed by investigators with invested interest in needing their issues to be medical and supportive of their particular inclinations. I will always assert a choice and a persons ability to make one. It is unfortunate that individuals who do not subscribe to the current thinking do not receive the support they are due, and they are persecuted by those that accuse them of discrimination.

This is a statement to the sinnful nature of homosexuality, not whether it is genetic or not. This also is not to pass judgement. It is food for thought. Homosexuality is just as much a sin as heterosexuality when it comes to pre-marital sex.

We are all sinners. Most religions agree on this point. Most religions also agree that pre-marital sex is a sin. So how is sex of any kind NOT a sin. Being married in the eyes of God. Having a wedding that is recognized by the church, mosque, synagogue, etc. So whether being gay is nature, nurture, or a combination of the two is irrelavant. In the eyes of God it is a SIN just like it is a sin for a heterosexual couple to be together before marriage. No state marriage, or private celebration negates this fact. This is not a union in the eyes of God.

Each day you are supposed to try to be a better person and avoid the sins you made in the past. How can you do this if you are gay? Every day you are throwing God's fogiving nature back in his face. You are not and can not be forgiven for something that you continually do or claim you are. This is not debatable...this is a fact if you are a follower of religion. If you use curse words and you ask for God's forgivness, then that means tomorrow you should be a better person and do your best to NOT use curse words again. Continually sinning the same sin means that you were not sorry in the first place. This is what being gay is to God. He loves you, but cannot forgive you if you continually practice your sinful ways.

Gender, race and impairment all relate to what a person is, whereas homo or heterosexuality relates to what a person does.

The image of God is both male and female and is reflected in a godly union between male and female where the creative power of God, His life-giving, His self-giving and His moral nature are perfectly expressed. This is only possible in a heterosexual union.

Dr. Dombeck's Note: Your argument stands or falls on a particular and entirely faith-based interpretation of morality and reality. If one don't subscribe to the same faith and to the same particular interpretation of morality and reality (and many more liberal religious and secularly inclined people do not), it falls apart.

I took my time over the last couple of days to read over all the comments from the past two years. I didn't find an answer to my question so here it is. What if you've NEVER been attracted to the same sex but after watching gay porn then became attracted and decided to go through with having sex with someone of the same sex....does that make you gay or bi-sexual or just curious? From my understanding, after reading the posts, it's something you're born with.....how can that be if these feelings didn't come about until gay porn came into the picture?

Why? Because if being gay was genetic then you would see it in other mammals such as cats or dogs. Now how many gay cats and dogs have you seen in your life? Probably none.

Humans bodies were meant work together with a male and a female. Male and male, and female and female body parts do not go together. Nature did not make people gay because the body parts do not work that way.

Humans are also more intelligent than other mammals, which probably lead some to thinking "Why do I have to like the opposite gender? Why can't I like the same gender?" It is completely a mental choice.

Dr. Dombeck's Note: Actually, animal homosexuality is well documented. While you are passionate about your conclusion, it still happens to be a wrong one.

To the young lady that mentioned the opinion that we are not 'born' sinners -- the bible states clearly that we all carry the sins of Adam and Eve; that all humanity is cursed by the actions of our forefathers. Furthermore, that each sin is equal to another. That's because, one sin leads to another. Using commonsense-- well, bible-sense, I don't consider a woman who commits adultery against her husband any less disgusting than a man who commits adultery against his partner.

I knew I was gay before I ever felt a true sexual urge (Elementary School). Before I even knew what the terms 'gay' and 'lesbian' mean't. (And to add my part to the research done here --the much ignored scientific studies, I was not molested as a child, nor do I feel any urge to molest a child or change any adopted child to 'my lifestyle'. Neither do I feel that someone can hide their sexuality. Hiding my own would be akin to a drunkard setting a fine tea table. Some folks can accomplish this, but not all gays can be expected to simply change everything about themselves. This argument is complete nonsense and escapism. That would be like asking Lebron James to become America's Next Top Model.

Anyway, back to old scratch. I was flipping through the channels years back and happened to pause on a sermon given by a preacher who believed that "homosexuality is a demon that enters a child when their parents are not around". At first, being the unhappily gay, awkward teen that I apparently "have had the choice" to have always been, I accepted this answer as plausible enough. I have a demon inside of me....when my parents were'nt looking...a demon got inside ...of me...? See how intelligent this actually sounds when you think about what's actually being said instead of quoting and blindly bleeping and following?

I was walking around for years believing I was possessed -- like something out of a horror flick, before I actually took the moment to contemplate this biased and unproven accusation. How could the young child that I had been when I first disclosed what the term 'lesbian' mean't (as explained to me with the deepest disdane) have been looked down upon as an abomination by the God I've been taught loves unconditionally. Does he really love the lier or the thief more than me? The murderer? The adulterer? Does he really wish me "to be put to death" as stated in the bible? Slain as the animals will go? Holy ***, that's a lot for a kid to handle! Why don't I kill myself now, and save myself the miserable life, leading to the miserable after-life? (Hypothetical)

I'm gay. That is not my choice. If I could be born again, I probaby would choose a much easier way of going about life, though. Because being a closeted gay is painful; mentally and physcially self-damaging. And coming out? Bah! So religious idiots, can say that they know me? Unless you walk in my footsteps, you would never know me. And only the One ever will.

Remember, God said hold not to any treasures in this world. When we are judged, we will be judged alone. Look not to thy brother's sin before your own; when we stand before God we will be judged alone. And 'alone' is how so many gays have to face the this world.

I worked as a high school nurse for several years. Being gay was like joining a club. An outwardly gay male had "recruiting" stickers on his messenger bag. One girl came to me and said "I am not gay anymore!" It is so overly accepted now that it's cool to be gay. Boys who are bullied and feel intimidated by girls are brought into the fold of the gay community where they find love and acceptance. I saw it happening every day!

When I was growing up gays stayed "in the closet". Why is it all of a sudden, after thousands of years, that it's OK to be homosexual? God created us in His image to procreate, not just fornicate. If you have gay tendencies, then you make a choice to have a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex.

Myself being a pansexual, it was partially a choice. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that it is a choice for every gay person, just for me it was. The choice part of it is that it is very rarely that I have feelings for the same sex, so I could have chose to ignore it all my life, but the part that wasn't a choice was me liking the same sex -however rare it is ( just to clear up a fact here, being bisexual or pansexual does not mean you find women/men/transgenders/ect equally attractive ). So I chose to accept it, rather than ignore it. I realise though that many, in fact I might say most gay or bisexual people find that there is no choice in having feelings for whichever sex they feel for.

For heterosexuals who say they have absolutely 0% feelings for the same sex and believe that all gay/bisexual/ect people have a choice, would you say that it is a simple choice you could make to be gay/bisexual/pansexual/ect? Would you say you have a choice with who you are attracted to? Either way, that is not a good reason as to why you think that liking the same sex is wrong. To me, what makes something wrong is if the thing you are talking about hurts anyone, and a person being gay does not hurt anyone. I'm talking about both physical and emotional pain by the way, and I've never heard of a case where being gay in itself has ever caused anyone pain.

Of course, there are people who would say "you don't decide what's right or wrong, god does", well, believe it or not there is no proof that your book was written by or even based off of your god's rules. I'm not trying to attack religion or anything, that's just a fact. Also, even if those rules do apply to a god, if one exists, I would still rather go to hell than judge someone for doing something that doesn't harm anyone.

As for what makes a person gay, I don't really see much matter in it, the thing is that people are usually stuck with their sexual orientation anyway, and considering the damage it can do if you try, you shouldn't try to change anyones orientation, so therefore shouldn't hate it.

By the way, for so called christians/catholics/whatever you call yourself who judge gays, or anyone for that matter, wasn't there something in the bible about not judging others?

From a very young age of five or six I knew that I was attracted to boys. And yes, i had girls as friends but felt closer to boys. As time went by and I grew older I explored relationships with girls, but found that there is no satisfaction than what I would experience with boys.

Coming from a background where every family member and church denomination is against homosexuality, I prayed to God to help me change, to become straight. I did not want to gay. Why would any person choose to be what other people resent and despise? I cried to sleep many nights, because I did not want to be gay and my prayers are not being answered. For years on end I was utterly miserable and unhappy. I often wondered, why me? Why did "gay" choose me?

Then I realized that it was not a choice I made. I realized I'm born like this. I decided to accept myself and my sexual orientation and this changed my whole outlook on life. I am happy now.

Alright well I am gay/lesbian. whatever you would like to call it. and i believe that it can be a choice and you are born with it. its just simple. why cant it be both?

Some people choose to be gay. simply because they dont get attention from the opposite sex (i know many people who are gay because of that) or because they just like the same sex. SIMPLE!

Then theres the little kids who dont know about being gay and that its wrong or anything yet they KNOW that they like someone of the same sex. Yet a little boy can play with a doll and like it but not know why they like it just because they do. They cant help it.

People say it can be a choice even to a little boy. But how the f are you going to tell a little kid that what he is doing is wrong? when truly there is nothing wrong with it. Yes being gay means you cant reproduce...BUT WHAT ELSE IS WRONG. theres adoption.? And are you going to go to all the ladies out there who take birth control and men who wear condoms and tell them you dont like them. Or tell them theyre EXTREM SINNERS?!?!?!?!?!? I dont think so. Yet in the bible is states that you shouldnt do that? Why isnt that looked down on?

Yes, the Bible was written a long time ago and has had many authors, but it is not outdated and it speaks to each person individually in a life changing way. Being gay is a choice. while you are right that not everything is your choice (I.E., hair color, eye color, if you have freckles) you do have control over your sexual preference.

Dr. Dombeck's Note: You have control over your sexual *behavior*; not your preferences.

It's amazing how religion and ignorance hinders the human progress. What is truly amazing is how people can completely ignore the scientific facts and base their entire opinion on just their own thoughts, and the words of some ancient book that is full of contradictions and violent condonation.

Straight people who lack the scientific literacy, and also people who have experimented with sex and have no understanding about sexual orientation - and the difference between orietnation and experimentation - they go around spewing their unsupported ideas based on absolutely nothing.

Guess what? Your Bible is outdated- no one but you and your dellusional community cares about it.
Guess what? Your lack of psychology is so clear to us.

See, I'm so glad that I have a degree in psychology, because it helps me understand how the brain works, and how not everything is your decision, that's not how reality works.

Take your bible verses, take your deluded opinoins on bisexuality and homosexuality elsewhere. You aren't going to convince anyone with rudimentary intellectual competence otherwise.

HONESTLY, many people say that they were born gay like their unhappy with thier lifstyles. I dont get it? if your so unhappy then change it. Then comes the excuse i cant. Im 17 years old and im HAPPILY GAY/LES. I made a CHOICE to be that way. WHY?? Because i feel things for the same sex ( an urg ) and so i act on it. Because i choose to. If i tried hard enough and changed my prespective on things, i could be with some one of the opposte sex BUT i choose not to. I DONT care how people view me, thier opinion doesnt matter, AND thats why i WILL BE ME. Im going to do WHAT makes me happy because no one else has to live MY life. And thats what pride is all about (BEING PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE.) If your going to parade around saying you were born that way and cant change it like its a burden you shouldnt even consider your self LGBTQ. Just create your own little catagory in a corner somewher and stay out of the rest of our way GAY is happiness so be happy with who you are.

Dr. Dombeck's Note: Let's be clear on what you are saying here. As I understand it, you are saying you could chose to be with boys but you choose not to because your natural desire is to be with same sex partners (girls). When I assert that homosexuality is not a choice I'm talking about the idea that it is not a choice to desire same sex partners or not; I am not commenting on whether you can go against your desire behaviorally if you choose to and act straight. I expect that it is indeed possible to "act straight" if you choose to do it, but that is all it would be; an act or facade on top of your (in your case) more essential homosexual (as you identify it) desire.

If I read your comment correctly, you are saying that you have a choice to not be gay, but what you are talking about is that you have a choice as to how to act; not how to feel. your desires are not under your direct control in the same way your behaviors are.

"Because i feel things for the same sex ( an urg ) and so i act on it. Because i choose to. If i tried hard enough and changed my prespective on things, i could be with some one of the opposte sex BUT i choose not to."

It would be work for you to change your desire. That's the point I'd like to emphasize. It's not work for you to want to be with other girls. It's not work for me to want to be with women. In this very profound sense, gay is not a choice.

I'm a 16 year old young lady in I strongly disagree that you are born homosexual. I mean I don't discriminate against bi or homomsexual people at all i just believe everyone has a choice. See I have some bi an homosexual friends and all of them have turned out bi or homo from their enviroments or either their just experimenting................................................

Yes the bible does say God love you as you are ,but if you read it also saids that he destoryed the homosexual city, and your going to hell if your homosexual cause God made Adam and Eve not Adam and David or Eve and Mary.................................................................

In another reason why I feel being homosexual is not in genes cause that's just like saying petafile is born wanting to rape little kids. In that's certainly not true...................

If you have any diagreements or concerns you can contact me on my yahoo... walkerjazman@yahoo.com

For those who say homosexuality is bad "Because The Bible says so" - - Apr 7th 2010

I'm sorry. I know that's sort of a low blow. Anyway, I am a Christian in a sense. I believe in God, Jesus, and the works, but I don't take The Bible word for word. It was written by some prophets, not God, and they may have inserted interpretations accidently.

I instead believe solid, concrete, scientific evidence over it. May God smite me.

Don't get me wrong, The Bible was really cool in its own right, with its important messages of love, respect, and acceptance. It's just not applicaple in every sense, especially when politics is involved.

Also, I agree that people who are born homosexual and bisexual have a choice. They can choose to live a lie and pretend to love somebody who they don't love in order to conform to heteronormitivity, or they can learn to embrace and accept who they truly are and grow not only as people, but as soceity as a whole.

To those who compare it to murder, pedophilia, kidnapping, and the such, think. Murder kills (duh.), pedophilia scars children who do not know what they are doing, and kidnapping, well, I hope you at least understand that that is a bad thing. Two homosexual people of the same gender having sex with each other with consent. Who's the victim? Soceity, as they assume it to be evil with no evidence.

I am a fourteen year old girl, and almost certain I am bisexual. I have been told that I cannot be sure yet, since the teenage years are for experimentation, but I am almost sure. I did not choose this, any more than I chose to fall in love with my older sister. One of my best friends is a lesbian and comfortable with it.

When I discover my true sexuality, I will embrace it, whatever it may be. I hope everyone out there will learn to embrace themselves and others, instead of harshly repeating arguments that have already been disproved. But, that is your choice.

Honestly the only people who debate whether it is a choice or not are straight people. Go out and ask any gay person if they chose to be gay and you will always get a no and maybe even a punch in the face for asking such an ingorant and stupid question. If it were indeed a choice people around the world wouldn't be killing themselves for something they can simply 'choose' not to be anymore.

And i'm so sick of the "homosexuality is just like pedophilia even if they're both not choices" argument. Homosexuality is a sexual orientation, just like heterosexuality. Pedophilia is not a sexual orientation. I'm so sick of fetishes being compared to sexual orientation.

If being Gay is not a choice then end the Gay pride parades. What do you have to be proud of? You did not make a choice to be proud of you were born that way.

Child molesters have an overwhelming sex drive towards children that they say they were born with. If you say you were born gay, why are they wrong? If I have an overwhelming desire to do drugs and cannot stop, why is that wrong.

Life is full of temptations and we can either give into all of them, or we can take control of our lives and own our life decisions. Just where does personal responsibility start if every desire we have - we act on?

Being gay is not a choice. However, people can choose to have sex with someone of the same or opposite gender. Unless they are genuinly attracted to the same or opposite gender, they are not of that sexual orientation.

As for it being a choice for genuinly gay people, it is not. Why on Earth would someone in their right mind, choose somthing that leads to; hate, discrimination, taunting, un-equal rights, and being stereotyped. Gay people can get married (to women) and have sex with women and produce children, but that does not make them straight.

Likewise, a straight person can have sex with a member of the same gender. This does not make them gay. The factor, in both cases, is that they are only gay or straight, if they are genuinely attracted to that gender.

Some people say that a childhood trauma may have caused the sexual orientation, but does it really seem possible that 1 in 10 people out of the entire population, were turned homosexual by sexual abuse by a member of the same gender, on top of all the heterosexuals abused by members of the same or opposite sex?

Also, when it comes to it being a matter of choice; Did heterosexuals choose to be heterosexuals? Can any heterosexuals thinking its a matter of choice, turn to a member of the same gender and suddenly choose to be genuinely attracted to them? Don't you think that many homosexuals pray frequently and try to change from what they think is an abomonation?

Projecting the message that homosexuality is wrong, bad, a choice, sick or anything negative is a recipie for disaster. It makes homosexuals who want but cant change think something is wrong with them. Look at Bobby Griffith, a gay young man, who jumped off a bridge because instead of accepting they're son's sexuality, they pushed the message that it was wrong, and he could heal through prayer.

This is also an example of how homosexuality is not rooted in content of environment. Griffith was raised in a strict christian household, as are most closeted homosexuals. Being closeted permanently out of fear, with no option to change, can lead to severe mental issues.

Being closeted is like peer-pressure, the homosexual feels they must repress their identity for fear of what others will say, think or do.

Face it people, homosexuals are everywhere, about one in ten people are, and they're not about to dissappear.

I am a heterosexual but my aunt is lesbian. My family is religious but we dont try to change my aunt because there isnt ONE thing we would want to change. For people that think these wonderful people are going to hell I think your wrong. If God is who we all think him to be then why would he ever turn his back on one of his own or better yet God does NOT make mistakes. HE created us the way he wanted us to be. Stay strong and stay true to yourself. Dont change the way you feel because people tell you its wrong. Everyone is perfect the way they are.

For those homosexuals who aren't afraid of being open, please email me if you get a chance. Id like to ask you a couple questions. (privately).

Okay, im 16, im Bi, and my older brother is Gay and happily married. I am currently doing a newspaper article on my school newspaper in the opinions section. The Topic? Is being gay a choice? Well, i don't believe so. First of all, why would you choose to be gay? You want to be treated like crap by those against what you "choose to be." Its not like choosing what to be for halloween. It is reality. If you are attracted to the same sex, then let it be. Why would someone "choose" to live a lie and say they are straight when in reality they've been checking out guys since the age of 13? hm? Studies have proven that homosexuality is genetic. Sure it may not be hereditary but something happens in the brain when born and you will most likely grow up to be gay. For all you stupid religious people, (im not saying your religion is stupid. dont get me wrong. what you are saying is stupid.) Why is it a sin? Homosexuality had obviously been around a long time. God i guess loves everyone right? Whats it to you if the guy down the street is in a happy, GAY relationship? Is he hurting you? Does his happiness and passion for the same sex make you sick? Then you are the person with issues. Honestly, it frustrates me to know how many people in this world are intolerant and would make themselves look like complete assholes just to make someone labeled "Gay" or "Bi" feel bad. Matthew Shepard was beaten to death for being gay. Well, what do you know.. black people were beaten for being black. Did they choose that? Did they wake up one day and say, " i want to be black."? White people, like myself. did i wake up and say,
"today i want to be called white trash." Or for Mexicans, "que alguien me llama beaner." NO. We do not choose our races, and we certainly dont choose to be gay. It is what we are. What you are. If you have a problem, maybe you are uncomfortable with your sexuality.

I am a 60 year old male. I remember having gay experiences (limited to mutual masturbation) with a friend at the onset of puberty. It was fairly frequent, but ran its course within a year or so. Shortly after it ended, when I was 13 or 14 (I had a somewhat late onset and slow development in puberty) I was repeatedly molested by my male PhysEd/SexEd teacher in the gym showers, as well as physically abused by the same man. It was something I could never speak of to anyone. During my mid-late teens I molested my little sister (exposing & touching), and it took 50 years to formally apologize and seek forgiveness for it. By age 18 I became interested in girls and several girlfriends, went to prom with one, but never attempted to initiate sex with any of them (terrified me). For the next 10 years or so I had no romantic relations. Then in the late 1970's "the beast from the deep" arose in me when I was placed in a permanent baby-sittting situation with a 6-year old boy, and the exhibitionist and sexual manipulation just came out of me. I no more chose to be sexually arroused by this behavior than gays or straights choose to be arroused by the objects of their desires. It just happened to me. 2 years later the boy told his parents, my best friends, and they shut me out of their lives completely. I had a total emotional breakdown and began a new life of of psychosexual therapy, individual, group and voluntarily entering a hospital specializing in such matters. I am happy to say that I never touched another child (or adult) in any inappropriate way since the day I was confronted, 30 years ago. With therapy and creativity I found a way to redirect my "sexual object" inward, and it has saved me and all the potential victims I might otherwise have hurt. For me this reversal was a godsend; however I will never likely have any sort of romantic and/or sexual relation the rest of my life, because my condition is, as far as I and my many therapists believe, hard-wired. No sex is better than wrong sex. And my pedophile nature was no more a choice than being gay or straight - I discovered that it was the only thing that aroused me, and I am very bitter about that. I remain a technical virgin, and will likely die as one, but I know I did the right thing by putting an end to the destructive behavior of my youth, 30 years ago. You can think what you want about me. At this point the issue is moot.

Being a parent of a gay child, does not make them love their child less, so why would God who loves us all as his children love gay people less ? No one should answer for god, only he is the one to make judgement on what we all do throughout our lives.

What does it say in the bible " let him without sin cast the first stone" and " who ever judges others, will be judged themselves".

People Seem to Ignore Facts so that Their Arguement Makes Sense - 15 and Gay - Feb 6th 2010

Ok, so I'm 15, I'm gay, and I am appalled that so many of the older people on this page would just block out the facts that others present to them solely for the purpose of their arguement remaining intact. But, before I get in to what I mean by that, I would first like to say that I did not choose to be gay and, yes, technically I did choose to act on those feeling, but not doing so would have been virtually impossible.

Back to people blocking out the facts. All of the people on this page that are saying that being gay is a choice have arguements that make their own points, but fail to rebuke the points of the opposing side. While on the other hand, most, if not all, of the points that they have made have been succesfully beaten into the ground and buried as false by the opposing side yet they continue to make the same points. Two key points that I have yet to see an arguement against are:

The societal implications of being gay are overwhelmingly negative. So, why would somebody choose a lifestyle that makes it harder for them?

All of the stories coming from the gay men and women on this page saying that they did not choose to be the way they are. After all, you know yourself better than anybody else don't you? You know whether or not you made a decision. For the straight people on the page, did you ever choose to be straight? I know I didn't wake up one morning and say, "Hmm, I think I'll be gay today!"

If these valid points are not disproved, how can the other side possibly be right?

I would like to add my story to the other stories on this page: I have ALWAYS been gay. Only when I hit adolescence did this become important to me. I was 9 or 10 when I first had the "Oh no" moment when I realized that I liked men. I had always known this in a way, but it never was really brought to the forefront of my mind until i was watching TV one day and found myself attracted to several of the male characters on a show. After I processed all of this information and almost fainted because I knew what this would mean for me, I just lied to myself and told myself that I couldn't be gay.

I continued to have these feeling in various situations and eventually I admitted to myself that I liked guys, I would not however give up on the notion that I liked women as well (I guess this gave me some hope for a normal life). Eventually I just had a talk with myself in my head (sounds like I'm say that I have voices in my head but that's not what I mean) and admitted to myself that I was gay. The rest of my story is not relevant to this situation other than the difficulty of coming out to friends and family members.

But, connecting my story back to this page, you can see from the obvious difficulty and inner stuggle I had with myself that I would have never in a million years chosen to be gay (yes it is arguable that I chose to act on those feelings but being gay is on the inside and that's what this phsycological website should be about not what you do but why you do it and how you feel about it). Yes, there are many reasons why I enjoy being gay. But I promise to you that those joys are rare and fleeting when you have to be called a faggot at every turn of the corner in a highschool hallway. The horrible hatred that I have to encounter in my life never is nor has been something that I would have chosen even if I was getting a lot in return which I am not.

It is for these reasons that I KNOW that being homosexual is not a choice that any mentally stable person would make.

I am a heterosexual woman who has made the same argument on behalf of gay people as many others that are making comments. NO ONE makes this choice. I NEVER chose to like men. All of my friends who were gay were attracted to the same sex at a very young age and as they became older, realized that they were different from others. Many tried to hide it, some never told their parents, others were depressed for years, and the lucky ones (usually younger) were able to be honest with their family and friends and accepted and loved unconditionally. I was also a church goer from age 2 through 18 and became very jaded about "God" and religion for 2 reasons. I did not understand how religious Christians could so easily condemn other religions and gay people to hell. At about age 16 (when I began to think for myself), it dawned on me that no one chose to be gay and no one chose into what religion that they were born. Furthermore, it dawned on me that most "sins" involved hurting others - greed, adultry, stealing, lying, cheating, etc. People speak of being gay as a sin. If someone is involved in a monogamous, loving relationship that is gay, how can that be considered a "sin"???? Bottom line, my moral compass has developed over the years and right and wrong are easy to determine. Actions that hurt others are wrong. Actions that are loving and that help others is right. Think about it. What on earth is wrong with a wonderful relationship between two people of the same sex??? I know that I am wasting my time writing this for those who do not know how to think for themselves. BUT, it is something that I felt compelled to write. I love my friends and family who are gay. It is terrible that they are not able to always be honest about who they are and who they love. I cannot imagine not being able to talk about my husband and how much I love him. Fortunately, younger people are more accepting of those that love the same sex. I am an oddball at 41 who was able to figure this out when I was a teenager and who was also raised in a very conservative household. I just hope that everyone THINKS about this. There are so many people out there that are doing bad things every day and hurting others. That is where all of our energy should be expended - NOT ON GAY PEOPLE.

i am a 17 year old girl and while i am NOT against gays, i think that it is a choice. in the bible it says being homosexual is a sin. you have a choice to sin or not to. God gave you a free will. therefore, you can choose not to sin. if homosexuality was geneitc, that means you were forced to sin which i believe wouldn't happen. God wouldn't force you to sin. again, i have no problem with homosexuality. its your choice weather you wanna be or not. i just wanted to give my opinion..

Dr. Dombeck's Note: There is a perception in the conservative community that being gay is a choice, matched by a perception in the more liberal community that it is not. There is not a conflict here necessarily, in that when the one community speaks of being gay as not a choice, they are talking about the desire for homosexual partners, and when the other community talks about being gay as a choice, they are taking about the decision to act upon homosexually oriented desires and actually have homosexual sex. This is an important distinction to make, IMHO.

Going with your religious language for a moment, God may not force people to sin, but he certainly does put the urge to sin in this particular manner into some people and not into others. So the playing field is not level in the slightest. It is easy for a person with heterosexual desires to avoid having homosexual sex becuase it is not desired. It is difficult in the extreme for someone who has homosexual desires to avoid acting on those desires, however. To understand this, consider it from your own perspective. Assuming you desire men, imagine you lived in a world where other people put fantastic pressure upon you to never act upon that desire, but instead urge you to have sex with women, and tell you that you will burn in hell if you don't do that. That would be messed up, right? That would be very difficult for you to comply with.

I suppose that if you subscribe to the fundamentalist position that anything appearing in the Bible must be true, the above argument doesn't really matter; because in such a case any non-compliance with God's will would be wrong. But if that is the case, there is just no arguing with you because your position is simply not amenable to argument. This doesn't mean that your position would be correct , mind you. There are a lot of people out there, myself included, who believe that the fundamentalist/literalist position on this particular matter of "homosexuality as sin" is incorrect. What oracle you use to determine the truth of a position is known as "epistemology", and you may wish to read up on various ways that people do that here.

First of all, I am a 32 virgin guy with homosexual orientation. And believe it or not, this is the first time ever that I say it out loud, Although I have been this way my entire life. I believe that one must separate the homosexual orientation witch is not a chosen thing, and the homosexual behavior witch is an optional lifestyle. I have been reading about people telling that they started to have gay thoughts at the age of 9 or even 7 but In my case it goes back to when I was 4 years old, well I used to go under couches to sniff men’s feet, I know you may find it disgusting, but I keep asking my self, what pleasure could such a thing bring to a four years old boy (maybe after all homosexuality is a mental disorder), then when I was 7 years old I had this big crush on my sports teacher , I used to day-dream of him holding me and kissing me, then there was the math teacher and the list goes on, by the way I grow up in a very loving and caring family with wonderful parents who gave a lot and still are welling to give, I have never experienced any sexual abuse, and I grew up in the middle east where men need to be men and women are the housewives, I used to be a very religious young man and I think that this is what kept me alive through the tumultuous years of adolescence . I still remember this theology lesson , our teacher was explaining to us the joy a believer would encounter in heaven so I raised my hand to ask this silly question “ teacher does homosexuals get to have handsome friends in heaven” of course everybody stated to laugh and I still remember the way our teacher stared at me head to toe and told me with anger “homosexuals never go to heaven, and don’t ever say that word again” I was 11 years old and his words kept me frightened for about two weeks, then I had the chance of reading in a book that for god it is actions that count not intentions.

Through out my years I had to come up with some techniques to cope with this stressful situation, one of these techniques was this treaty I made with god, I was 16 years old and after a long fight with these thoughts and attractions I finally knew that they will never go away so I invented this written treaty with god in witch my part was to keep myself devoted to him and sinless and his part was to keep my life easy and smooth, I signed with blood on my paper and went to bed hoping that in the morning I will find some divine sing on my treaty, of course I did not find any thing but the treaty was still valid for me, and in some sort this treaty did pay off, coz two years latter I went to dental school and fulfilled my parents dreams then I graduated and went to France to have my postgrad studies now I have a very good career, excellent salary I never get sick and my parents are so proud of me.

Two years ago I started questioning my entire life, belief, faith, coz I realized that god did not do his part of the treaty, other wise why am I so sad all that time? I feel that nothing of what I achieved matters any more, I came to realize that love is the most important thing in life and I can’t have love as part of my stupid treaty, but faith was all what I had and without it I had to go through episodes of clinical depression and a lot of suicidal thoughts, I managed recently to come over it, and I can tell you now that I am ready for love, my only fear is what I hear and read about the gay lifestyle,

So I have a question for you gay folks is it possible for a gay relationship to be fall of passion and love? a monogamous (physically and emotionally) relationship with fidelity and no fear of cheating, coz I just want someone to grow old with, for that person I will be welling to leave my achievements, my country, my parents, and my god, after all I can always invent a new one. is it to much to ask for in a homosexual relationship? coz if this is an impossible thing I am definitely ready to reactivate my treaty.

People must remember that we are a Mental Health Website and base our comments, and information on the latest findings in the fields of psychology, psychiatry, neuro and brain science and social work. Therefore, we aim for scientific information.

This issue of homosexuality is one of those areas where science and religion seem to clash. However, because of our purpose, to be as scientific as possible, we cannot and will not formulate an opinion just because of what is said in the Bible.

This is not meant to convey any disrespect to those of you who are religious. On the other hand, we do not want to be treated disrespectfully. To my mind, it is disrespectful to dismiss an opinion and information, because it comes from psychologists.

To ther person who wrote that we are missing the point, I must disagree and emphasize that you are missing the point about our scientific stance on these matters.

My friend, it really doesn't matter what a psychologist has to say about the abnormal practice of homosexuality. The only thing that determines the 'rightness' or 'wrongness' of homosexuality is the Word of God. Simply put, the Bible declares that homosexuality is sin. Case closed. Please, do not try and stack your opinion against God's Word...it won't hold up.

The people that are bashing the whole "gay desicion" are the ones that are the least educated. A lot of people listen to their parents and what they have to say on the issue. We are influenced by our surroundings, yes. But being gay has nothing to do with our surroundings. Don't be an idiot. The lifestyle is not glamorous and it's not accepted. Why would people go against the grain and risk being abandoned by the ones they love, just to fall in love with a man or woman? You're being ridiculous. I think that being gay is a form of alienation which people don't understand. People bash and hate what they don't understand because it's too much for their pea brain to understand. Don't be ignorant. Don't be insensitive. Actually learn what you're trying to defend.

Dr. Dombeck's Note: Can you clarify your position here Kiersten? You seem to be upset with people who defend the idea that homosexuality is something you're more or less born with (in most cases), while also taking that position yourself. Would that be a fair assessment of what you're trying to say?

But, zoological studies of animals in the wild most definitely affirms the fact that animals do behave homosexually and that they may do so as a way to maintain peaceful relationships.

I find it interesting that the animals, bugs, fish, and the birds are never gay since they are not like us in having more intelligence. Humans with more intelligence have a choice in life and a soul and a conscious. How could humans not have a choice in sexual orientation when animals do not?

It occurs to me as I read some of these posts that the most ironic statements come out of the mouths of those who claim to believe in God. While debating whether or not being gay is a choice, people are choosing to be insensitive, ignorant, disrespectful, and worst of all, judgmental. I tend to question just how deep and genuine a person's belief in God is when that same person speaks from his alleged spirituality and attempts to discount or invalidate the trials and tribulations of another human being.

Choosing to be a decent person should be a higher priority for those who do not have personal experience with struggles or circumstances which they are offering an opinion about. Far too many people use their religious beliefs simply as an excuse to avoid being a decent person. They hide behind principles which completely contradict God, yet blame God for the indecency, insensitivity, and disrespect in which they express themselves. I suspect that if an individual's life is so pure and free from personal struggle, he would be the most compassionate, kind, sensitive, respectful, warm hearted person on the planet. Since that is not the case with those of you who so willingly choose to pass judgment on others, I suggest that you redirect your focus on the very real personal struggles that your own lives present - despite how desperately you attempt to deny them.

How can anyone say that being gay isn't a choice? It is a choice. I have read some of you all stories or comments and i found that some of you say that you were curious. THe thing about it is, you chose to to entertain that curiousity that you had. You could have ignored it but you chose. I think where some of you all are making mistakes are how you define choice.

Attraction is a tricky thing and if you open your self up to the idea of being attracted to different things , you will indeed find yourself attracted to them. I am attracted to men mostly because i was taught to be and i follow certain religious beliefs that say i should be. And therefore i am. However, i always felt drawn to the opposite sex as a child. Because males are different from me. I believe everyone feels some sort of curiosity about the opposite sex when they are young and have their first encounters with them. That i think is natural. Because even as kids we can sense the differences. However, same sex vibes really didn't exist to me as a child.

Honestly, its our environment. People hear about things that aren't popular and that want to do them. Homosexuality i believe began just like that. So many people were heterosexual and so then someone thought, i wonder how it is to have sex with someone of the same sex. And then more people just got hip to it. Because we as people love secrets and we are naturally curious beings. Yet the choice lies in what we decide to do. So, when you are doing something remember, it is becuase you chose to do it. Honestly, nothing can force you to do something against your own will. Do not blame temptation or curiosity, blame yourself.

Why would anyone choose to be gay? That is like choosing to make your own life harder. I understand why people are confused about homosexuality. Just wish people would TRY and understand rather than pass judgment.

Well i say that beibng gay can be a choice because some people choose to see what its like being gay and some are sucked in by feelings especially girls because who would understand a girl better than a girl....but some people are born that way....it doesnt matter what they still are people.

Being gay is a not a choice. The reason? Because if it was a choice then most people wouldn't choose to be it. Did you know that a gay man is 4 times more likely to commit suicide than any other race, gender or sexual orientation? Did you know that 75% of male suicides are gay? Suicide is a a sign of unhappiness. If these people were unhappy and being gay was a choice, why wouldn't they simply "change" their orientation?

There was a study done about ten years ago on whether people who are gay due to the environment or due to the genetics.

The study shown that when one twin is gay, the other twin is up to 75% gay as well, which is pretty high.

The american medical association, The american psychiatric association, The american psychological association, The American psychoanalytic association, The american academy of pediatrics, and the National association of social workers have all stated that homosexuality should not be treated as a mental disorder and that they oppose attempts at conversion therapy and that sexual orientation is not a choice and cannot be changed.

If you still believe that its a choice and believe that all these therapists and doctors that have done studies on it are wrong, then you simply have some issues.

Being gay is as much a choice as being straight. If a gay person chooses to be gay, then doesn't logic dictate the same would apply to heterosexuals? Heteros, do you remember at any time during puberty having the dilemna of having to choose one way or the other? Or did your attractions come naturally to you? That said, imagine being in a world where the majority tells you what you're feeling is abhorent and unnatural, and wrong and that you must change contrary to what is natural to you, and you have an idea of what gays go through. In some countries, like Iran, being gay is a capital crime. In the U.S. military, it's okay to be gay in the military as long as you remain closeted about it and non-practicing. Boy, what a deal! Where do I sign?

i can definitely proclaim that being gay is not a choice. i was raised as a heterosexual boy, believing that men and women were the only reasonable way that couples formed. my environment was originally composed of straight people and straight relationships, totally devoid of gay men. there may have been lesbian relationships in my experience as a youth, but we didn't even speak of these. oh yes, i am 60 years of age now.

in high school and later in college, i met men who were decidedly gay. i was still convinced that there was no way i could ever be gay. in that era, Stonewall happened. this opened up a whole new world for our entire nation, and suddenly gay people were all over the place, openly proclaiming themselves to be gay.

that was the beginning of an eye-opener for me. suddenly i began to realize more and more of my friends and acquaintances were gay, and that they were perfectly ordinary people. i found myself gravitating to thoughts of what two men together could possibly be like, and realized that i had a very strong curiosity for myself. i actually worked on that curiosity, meeting a couple of men for sexual encounters. but my straight upbringing and societal mores got the best of me, and i swore off men, thinking that i couldn't possibly be gay.

the feeling never left, however. i fantasized regularly about being sexually involved with men. it was obvious to me that reading gay porn, investing in magazines that described gay men and all else related to being gay was a natural thing for me. after too many years of gay celibacy, i ventured out once again. what i found was a whole world of delight and fulfillment. at first, feeling afraid of what i was "becoming" and of being outed to friends and family, i was in denial. but as i became more attuned to my body and its needs and my innermost desires and thoughts, i finally realized that i am, indeed, gay. i didn't choose to be gay, though i did and do choose to entertain my gayness in my life.

as a married man, it's awfully hard for me to justify my needs, and i've been inactive with men for quite some time now. however, i'm also inactive with my wife - not only for sexual reasons, but other marital issues abound also. i am sexually fulfilled, no matter what, however, by interaction with another man. the body parts fit perfectly, the sensations are truly genuine, we men together are far more attentive to each other's needs than i was ever able to find with a female partner.

there's no doubt that i am gay, and it definitely wasn't choice. it's me and how i am built. the only choice about this is that i choose to accept my gayness.

I want to thank the previous individual who expressed her beliefs about the importance of people who are true Christians not being judgmental of others. You sentiments are in the right place but there are two items you wrote about that are not correct.

Homosexuality is not a disorder or a disease. There is nothing wrong with someone just because they are gay. In addition, people who are homosexual did not make that choice. None of us made a choice about our sexual orientation. While it remains unclear why some people are gay, we do know that it is not a matter of choosing.

I dont believe that being gay is a disease or a disorder. i think everyone has a choice. i choose to be to straight. thats who i am. not because i was brought up that way, but because i could not look at a woman the way i look at my husband. I believe that by people saying being gay is a disorder or a disease its because they have to have a reason. is it possible that a man just maybe like a man because he chooses to. or a woman might just like a woman because she chooses to. if its a disease or some mental disorder then a doctor would be able to prescribe something. or there would be studies for a cure to help them get over it. by saying its a disorder then you are saying your not comfortable being gay. as for religion point of view its none of my business who your sleeping with or who you love. if a man loves a man or a woman loves a woman thats up to them the only one that has a right to judge is god him self. i read that bible if you confess your sins to god. and accept jesus christ as your savior. you truely find god. then you will go to heaven. the christians who say they are christians but judge because of abortion, and race, and sexual orientation are not true christians. we as christians are not supposed to turn our back on anyone, and we are supposed to share the gospel to everyone.

Homosexuality is not a choice!!!. I believe some people are born Gay and some are not. I dont understand why homosexuality is percieved as wrong. Why do religous people think homosexuality is a sin when God is supposed to Love everyone. People who are against homosexual should stop wasting their time and do something that is worth while.

im gay and many people think its a choice the sad thing is this is either from not being educated on it or they were taught that it is un godly. in this day and age people need to know that being gay isnt a choice becuase is being heterosexual a choice no so why should being gay be a choice the answer it isnt a choice and homosexuality exists in every single species on earth. But many people then argue that its a sin... i have to luagh at that that only shows intolerance and stupidity becuase it is saying that someone can use a holy document as a document of hate which is wrong. further more people argue that there is a gay lifestyle... there really is no gay lifestyle were all the same but some think were all flamming well some r but thats becuase of there personality and theres nothing wrong with that. last but not least people keep using gay as an insult and i ask do we still use the n word... no becuase its affensive and promotes discrimination.

TO the man who post comment below....Your logic sucks.... If you are so straight now then why have you come to this site and comment on this blog(isn't that annoying?)...It only poses one thing that you are still undergoing an identity crises and is in search for reality(poor straight acting boy)...As I have said I am gay..But that does not make me impotent...I can have as many babys as I want...If population is what you are worried about don't worry the earth is still over populated...And if your basis is the bible forget it its just another literary piece of history...

But if you feel you really wanna go the straight way good for you....I am happy for you, hope it last and I hope you would be happy... : )

look everybody up here who is gay meet the first person to reject my feelings of same sex reletionships.many years i faced the feelings of wanting to be with a boy. just curious i suppose didnt know why but i did.but i remebered how i was put on this earth god and my parents i sucked my selfish feelings up of worrying about myself and relizing that my goal in life is to live and leave somthing behind becuase if i ever messed up i could be able to plant a seed and watch somthing grow becuase nothing is more beautiful then a life being born.the main thing you cant have kids when your gay and i love kids i would love to pass somthing down and watch them flourish in life.smh god gave us the gift to reproduce to plant are seeds in a women and watch them grow.i choice NOT TO BE gay.

Editor's Note: Many gay couples do have children they are biologically related to through the use of donor sperm and eggs, and various fertility medicine procedures, including IVF. As well, many people who later understand themselves to be primarily homosexual in orientation do enter into heterosexual marriages in early life for various reasons, and many of these marriages produce children. It is not necessary to renounce homosexuality in order to become a loving parent.

I use to think that gay people chose to be gay but then I looked at myself (I'm heterosexual) and I said..."Wait a minute"..as far as I can remember..I have always liked girls and it was never a choice...it was automatic..I do not remember ever making a list of pros and cons of being heterosexual or homosexual and then made my choice based on those pros and cons. It was just there...I didn't have to make a choice..it's like I was wired that way. So, then I said...suppose gay people are wired that way too.

I've seen most gay men act feminine or they move feminine...seriously if you were gay why not just be gay and act normal. Why act so feminine? I think people should just be open to the idea that maybe gay people were born that way and until further research and hard evidence emerge we should not condemn them.

I been reading blog like this and it makes my head spin....lol..I'm gay scince i can remember and I did'nt choose to be one "sad but true"....I've tried to be hetero several times, but i keep reverting to my own self...Community,religion,friends,parents,siblings,relatives and the entire world - are all against me being homosexual..But i've tried my best to change my ways and GOD knows it...but this change only ruined my life, lower my esteem and made me look at my self with pity..I really don't know now....I am so confused...may be the only thing to end this missery is death....then maybe i would be happy...

If GOD relly love me then why am I like this? I don't want to be persecuted all the time... ~ that was so over now....

So I say kiss your GOD's ass and maybe suck his balls! I don't give a damn...I am living my life as a gay man and I ill be happy 'til my last breath....

If you don't respect my belief also i don't respect your belief, if you step on my right i'll step in yours...

So, to all homo haters well, hate you back (x10)...may your sons and grandsons be homos too...homo...

And Yes... now it has became my choice, AND I CHOOSE TO BE GAY(this is where my heart took me....) where does your heart take you?

Be happy always.. life is short, never be afraid to express your feelings..for tommorow we shall all die...we should atleast die happy....

I honestly believe that you dont choose your sexuality. I mean its true, why on earth would you choose a harder life for yourself? It doesn't make any sense. Anyone who puts down homosexuals are pathetic and are insecure with themselves. People should be accepted for who they are, not on their sexual preferences.

*Thank you to whoever dedicated their time to making the website, you're doing a great deed to help those who need it

i say whatever to all those who think i'm 'evil' - Wouldn't you like to know - Jul 2nd 2009

i subconciously knew i was gay from a young age. There was a short period of denial spurred by homophobic comments and the media but i accepted it and just thought to hell with anyone who doesn't like me. Actually that is what i told myself and not what i did. I am not brave enough to tell anyone and have had to keep it hidden. As for the choice not choice issue: of course it's not a choice. i had a girlfriend but knew i was gay because i had no feelings for her beyond friendship whatsoever. Besides there has been a study showing that gay male brains are more like heterosexual female brains than heterosexual male brains. As for all those who make rude comments i kind of like it. I get to destroy their argument and prove them wrong. It may be a bit vain but we all like the satisfaction of seeing the proud and ignorant who reject reason fall from their high horse to walk with the rest of us. What if it was reversed and heterosexuality was deemed a sickness and we should change them? I am no different from a straight person (except the obvious). I am happy and content so where is the problem? Quite frankly this whole issue makes me laugh.

Why whould I choose the above? Why would i wont my life to go in this direction. I dont, but im gay and i deal with it. Im normal like everybody else. why should i live my life as a lie and be unhappy for the rest of my life?!

I understand that this can be a frustrating issue to discuss because it evokes lots of passionate feelings and opinions. However, it is really very important to remember that we are all human beings and that we all deserve respect. There is no need for insulting and degrading words being hurled at others. Let's all take a deep breath and continue discussing these issues but with a sense of mutual respect.

I'm writing specifically to address the comment entitled: Comment to Lucas' Story - Kj - Oct. 3rd 2008. I've attempted and failed several times previously. How does one explain anything to a sub human with such mimimal intelligence? I've decided that I'm just going to say it. Either this person (and I use the term loosely in this case) gets it or not. I have no words that describe the feeling I have for you and what you wrote, which is as follows......."I read your story and that sounds touching and all, but stop using this molestation as an an excuse. Really, just stop, because if you didn't want this guy toucing you, you would have done anything in your power as a child to make him stop." That is rediculous in so many ways on so many levels. "this molestation thing?" You make so light of it, too light of it, that it's obvious to me that whatever things you say you've been through "more than we could imagine", sexual violation, of any kind, is not what you were referencing. You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about in one aspect: I quote you: "If you were heterosexual and you didn't like what he was doing to you, you would have informed someone to make him stop." Moron. Sexual assaults, more often than not, are not reported? You also stated the following, "If you didn't want the guy touching you, you would have done anything in your power as a child to make him stop." WTF?! Anything in your power as a child to make him stop? Exactly what planet are you from that children have powers that can make an attacker stop? Exactly what powers are you referring to? Children have no power to stop anything. Full grown women often are powerless to stop an attack. You represent to me the reason most don't come forward. You address surviving sexual assault as I would expect someone to address a hang nail. Minor annoyance. Deal with it, get over it, that simple. If that's not bad enough, you almost infer that somehow the child is to blame by not doing anything in their power blah, blah, blah! People are always searching for a reason for the attack....she must've done something to provoke him, what was she wearing, blah, blah, yuck. Rather than look to the attacker for answers, the woman in disected, shamed, rediculed, etc., etc. As heinous as that is, you surpassed it by leaps and bounds using the same type arguement referring to a child. You are either the coldest most vile person walking this earth or you are, by far, the dumbest. Everything in your comment was heartless, cold and most of all......false. You should stop talking altogether to avoid looking so rediculously stupid and unbelievably cruel. Unless of course that was your intention..? I don't know how a sub human's mind works...so if that is your goal, you reached it by leaps and bounds. People like you, ah, you know what you are and so does everyone else after reading your blatherings.

The human brain is subject to more than genetics only. We know that, in the mothers womb (uterus) the fetus (unborn baby) is influenced by many things in addition to genes. Among those are hormones, even the mother's hormones. Sometimes, something can go slightly "wrong" and the very young and incomplete brain is bathed in too much of the wrong hormone, resulting in the birth of someone who will grow up to be homosexual, whether a male homosexual or a lesbian woman.

These are people who become aware of their homosexual feelings when they are children, the same as boys and girls become aware of heterosexual feelings when they are very young. None of this is chosen. No one wakes up one day and says, "Golly, I think I'll be gay." Even to write it sounds silly.

ok. i hate how all of you who say that being gay is not a choise. in my opinion i say that people chose to be gay there not born gay. when people are born they are tought by what surounds them and they learn by coping what one does. obiously one is not born nowing what being gay is u learn it and addapt u r fealings and emotions to it its ones choise to reject ity or take it!!! gosh get it strait

Just kidding. Seriously people believe its a choice to be gay? Its so ridiculous these people have GOT to be delusional. Thats like me saying I chose to be white. I remember...I was 5. And I was clear at first but then this voice came and said "ok we have to color you in which color would you like to be" I was like white but then I looked like a sheet of paper so I said I wanted to be pinkish/beige. Then the voice said ok do you want to be gay or straight? I didnt even know what that meant because I was 5....but I knew I had a crush on Ryan in my class so....wait a minute. I already had a crush on Ryan! So I guess im ALREADY gay. Interesting how children who have no clue what being gay or straight MEANS have crushes on children of the same-sex in kindergarden/1st grade. So its a FACT. Being gay is NOT a choice. Anyone who says different needs to shut up because you DON'T know. I know because I can first hand tell you. I tried the straight thing but I didnt understand why I didn't want to kiss these girls. I wanted to, they were pretty, I was good looking. It didn't work. I always had a crush on my best friend(s) throughout school. Ryan, Andrew, David, Mike....In love with them I was. But thats when I realized I needed to stop trying to be something Im not and be with someone who is like me. Still lookin but I think that by the time gay marriage is legalized I should have found that person. Im 24 now so hopefully it won't take long!!! Thanks!!

GAY IS NOT A CHOICE!!!! The only thing I find more infuriating than this same old lame debate are the people that debate the issue using GOD and the Bible to justify their condemnation and judgement of other human beings!!! God is not to be used as armor or ammunition. Morons! God is love. Loving God means doing as he would want you to do. Judge not, do unto others, pray for the sinners, etc. True Christians hate no one. Even if you truly believe, even in this day and age, that it is a choice and feel it's wrong, praying would be the logical choice in my mind. Instead all I ever see/hear is self righteous ugliness. How sick is that? Boggles the mind. For those of you morons that still think that gay is a choice I got one question for you.......At exactly what point in your life did you choose to be heterosexual. Were you sitting on the couch one day pondering, well, let's see, I think, hmm, yeah... I choose guys. Sound stupid? Yeah, duh, because it is. You didn't decide to choose, you just knew!!! Hello?!! Common sense people. My son has hope for you idiots, I do not. Hypocrites. Claim to be God fearing, etc., some of the biggest mouths I've heard againsat the gay community. Or/and the coming out deal. Oh so rediculous. I've never had to come out as a straight woman. Why? Because it doesn't matter!!! Our sexual orientation is such a small part of who we are as people. On top of that, after you do say, yeah, I'm straight, does it ever cross your mind that maybe that person won't look at you the same? My son is gay and I couldn't be prouder of him than I am. I have two boys, both are bi-racial. Imagine for a second you self righteous hypocrites why would you choose to make either of their lives harder than they already are because society is so completely out of wack. A true Christian that believes in doing God's work, would go out of their way to embrace people. Help people and help others to help. I'm not even really that religious, I believe in God, but I'm sick of hearing all this rediculous nonsense. My youngest has been called an N. and been approached by a hostile, full grown man, with a knife, simply for being. My oldest called names and other things. I could go on, but I hope if you have half a heart and a logical mind, you'll get it. It's real easy to stand on someone to make yourself taller, or feel taller. It's more fulfilling to embrace someone and help them to be the best and happiest person they can. Gay, straight, bi, what does it really matter? I'll never get why it matters. Why are people more determined to bring poison than joy, acceptance? Why can't we just live in peace? My son still believes it can happen. Hope the jerks among us are few for my boys and the great many. P.S. Get a life already!!! You don't dig what you call alternate lifestyles, don't live one!!!

All beleivers of religion have an obligation to learn what homosexuality is and then make an informed decision on how to proceed. Todays article is based on year old information from NARTH - The National Association for Reserch and Treatment of Homosexuality (www.narth.com), article at http://www.narth.com/docs/deemphasizes.html.

Please help end censorship in our schools and public libraries so those with unwanted Same Sex Attraction can get the assistance they seek (ww.endcensorship.com). You can find resources and links at www.normalchildren.org or www.ismychildgay.net.

There is an insightful video, 18 minutes long, at www.homosexuality101.com which every parent, teacher, counselor, and clergy person needs to see.

Editor's Note: NARTH is an organization of psychologists who take issue with the APA position on homosexuality, namely that it is a normal variation of human sexuality and therefore not a form of mental illness. They take a somewhat nuanced position on the matter - they recognize that there are genetic and biological influences that push some people towards homosexual interest but resist the idea that acting on such urges might be normal or acceptable:

This is, IMHO, a harmful position to take. On the one hand, NARTH is acknowledging the evidence that suggests that there are strong biological reasons that influence people to have homosexual interests. On the other, they are strongly against acknowledging homosexuality as a reasonable sort of desire to act upon. Clearly, homosexuality frightens these people and they want to do what they can to discourage it. What the actual danger is is not made entirely clear, however.

In order to discourage and suppress homosexual behavior, these folks resort to shaming tactics . They suggest here, for example, that homosexuals are at an increased risk for acting out as pedophiles even while denying that there is any good evidence to support this position. They are also happy to amplify the sense of shame people who are struggling with whether or not to act out on homosexual feelings may already experience by offering "reparative therapy". Creating and amplifying the sense of shame that homosexual people may experience is an ugly kind of act in my opinion - one that is figuratively violent. it acts to stomp out those struggling people's freedom (and responsibility) to choose their own path. I find such behavior on the part of the NARTH membership (that part which agrees with NARTH's published positions) to be irresponsible and against the spirit of what psychotherapy is supposed to be about - being a nonjudgemental witness.

Does anyone choose to be born white, African American, Native American, Indian, Semitic, heterosexual, or homosexual? No, they do not. Many of these things are genetic, others are hormonal, and others are hormonal and genetic. But, in all cases, it is not choice.

People who are gay report realizing it when they were tiny children. And, heterosexual people remember knowing it when they were tiny children. Either way, we are "wired" to be the way we are. No one wakes up one day and says, "gee, I'm going to be gay."

One more thing: gays sexually harass others no more than heterosexuals and actually, a lot less. In addition, the average gay person wants to be with another gay person and not with someone who is heterosexual.

Homosexuality is a choice. That's it. Sure, in life we're all tempted to make wrong choices. Homosexuality is one of those wrong choices, as is killing, burning down a house, stealing a car. It's a wrong choice. Just because it feels good, it does not make it right. I hope they never repeal the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. Military members are striving for teamwork and accomplishing of tasks as a unit, as a team. They don't want to have to worry about who is checking out their rear, or what dude is going to ask them out, or 'accidently' touch them. No. There's already enough sexual harassment between men and woman. We don't need to add this gay stuff to the mix. Sure, be gay. But I don't want to hear about it, see it, or be around it.

I want to wish you good luck in your training. This is a wonderful field of endeavor.

However, I must disagree with part of what you just write. People who are gay are just as complex as everyone else. Yes, there are some who live a heterosexual life style, marry and even have children. The trouble is that they are so very unhappy that the marriages fail. You see, there is a lot less choice than you might think.

There are also those gay people who could never live a life of pretense because it would just not be possible for them.

No, being gay is not a life style choice. People are "hard wired" for this and that means that they are not making a choice.

My opinion on this matter is that you do not choose to be gay. You do choose whether you are going to act on those feelings that you have. Homosexuals could be completly miserable and be with the opposite sex or they can be HAPPY and be with the same sex. Aren't we suppose to strive to make ourselves happy? Isn't that one of the main points of life? To be happy. SO yes there is some choosing that goes on with acting on the being gay part. But they did not WAKE UP ONE DAY AND WANT TO BE GAY!!! THEY CAN'T HELP THE WAY THEY FEEL.

Being bisexual, I do not see how exactly people can assume that it is a choice. Are you homosexual/bisexual? If not, you cannot make the assumption that it is a choice to be homosexual. When you are reincarnated into a lesbian woman or gay man, your opinion may change. You may find that, in fact, it is not a choice, and you have judged others wrongly.

Personally, I believe there are some people who choose a gay lifestyle who are not actually gay. I believe that being gay is an issue of chromosomes just as much as being male or female is, and believe science will prove that. Whether some chooses to love someone of the same sex or opposite sex, I don't believe love is ever wrong. I know of Bible stories that talk about men sexually assaulting other men as a means of demeaning them. Stories that describe sex crimes but I don't know of verse or story that describes to same sex people genuinely in love with each other. Consequently, I don't think the Bible condemns same sex marriage. Yes, a male and female are needed to reproduce. But God's order to be fruitful and multiply was to Adam and Eve. It doesn't mean that every married couple must produce children. You may recall in your Bible reading that John 8:7 says "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Matthew 7:1 says Judge not lest ye be judged, Joel 2:32, Acts 2:21 and Romans 10:13 all tell us that "ANYONE who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved" - (Never says sinless people, straight people, men, women, black, white. It says ANYONE) And Comparing you to God, Matthew 7:11 says you are evil. (That is talking about all of us dude)God gave us free will and deductive reasoning. Blindly quoting sections of scripture and saying they are black and white with no room for debate or any grey area and not considering the genre of the text, the author, the time period in which it was written or the realistic possibility of what was being said, is choosing not to use our deductive reasoning and free will. What about the Parable of the Talents, Christians? Remember after all...that whole "free will" thing...that is why we are here in the first place right? Because God did not want mindless zombies who could not think for themselves and choose to love Him or not. He didn't want to be a dictator. Some Biblical passages are historical accounts and others are moral lessons. Moral lesson lessons much like The Three Pigs or The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Good lessons...made up stories to teach them.To all Christians and other religious people who are gay bashers...John 13:34-35A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

I really think its funny how many people use "god" to get through life. I think its very simple minded to use something imaginery to help you. People who are educated and who don't live in the middle of no where understand that being gay is not a choice and religion has no logical bearing on anything. Let science prove there is a god but realistically there isnt because by that logic there should be magic and all sorta of other crazy things going on. Its great to have religion I would associate myself with the Christian faith, but only in the sense of doing good for myself and other people. "God" loves everyone and saying use god to fight your urges? We are human beings. We can do whatever we want. The people who have "sinful" urges are the ones who commit murder, pedophelia, robbings, etc. But for there to be so many beautiful, intelligent, succesful gay people in this world how can it be wrong? I wish I was straight because I am jealous of all my straight friends who can get married and have kids. How am I going to have kids? Why would anyone choose I lifestyle that involves ridicule and hatred for you? I mean I personally never experience this because I live in a liberal, educated city. Unfortunately though in rural america or the south where people are less educated they rely on god which is not a good thing. Church and state were seperated years ago so get over it. One day my kids will look back and not understand how people could be so intolerant. Being fat is a choice how bout not letting them marry? Being black is a choice, we all know that. So we shouldnt let them marry either. Oh yea and those asians. They chose to be sinful in there asian ways! See how ridiculous this all sounds??? Smarted up and usher in a new era of love and equality! And fyi I have nothing against religion but ppl who use it to answer all of lifes questions are pathetic. Religion should be for you and you only don't worry about other peoples lives.

I'm one of those so here goes I know I'm waisting my time and that I'm by no means a perfect person. If one accepts the Bible as the truth, and I do, then one must believe that homosexuality is a choice unless it was something in the water at Sodam and Gomorrah where everyone was caught up in it. Not even ten men who were worthy could be found out of the cities. They were all destroyed. You gotta serve sombody or something. God Bless. Don't waste your time getting personal about this posting because I won't read it.

again i have more to say....KJ you sure do spend alot of time on this gay issue... are you sure this is not an intrest or question in your mind? I was also reading comment about someone bringing up homosexuals in the bible. Hello it was back during Kings they always had slaves doing sexual things too. They were little boys!! Dude for real all you ignorant haters take a look at yourself obviously you guys have issues. Not the gay people. All the gay friends i have are smart, loving, and caring people. Uh some are millionaires. They are happy in life.....Whuts your problem? and again why do you NON gays comment and sit and read through all this? why does it bother you so much? Are you in the closet? Humans and ANIMALS are alike...so the comment about animals not being gay? READ, STUDY before you ignorant, mean, ugly people say comments. Oh also, do you straight people also dress, look, and feel better about themselves then you? There only problem in life is dealing with people like you! I am a mother of four two boys and two girls im fine with it if they come out gay at least i know they well probly be soft hearted then your ugly ass! I just wanted to know what signs to look for to make this as easy as possible for my sonhe is six years old and likes ballet vs tball runs loves girls clothes girly colors ect... just seeing if it was the raising with sisters or maybe hinting some genetic sign of being gay. my husband has three gay uncle and two aunts all in the same family grandma and grandpa were supposedly not gay but i do think it is both genetics and choice. Either way my husband and i know that is fine with us we will still love him regardless!!

I do believe that it can be both genetics and choice by bad experience. I was curious because i have gay uncles and aunts all in the same family. I was concerned for my little six year old boy. I have two daughters that he is growing up with. I cant tell if some of his intrest are gay or because he is with sisters all day. I read a little of the comments and can believe the hate from the people who are not gay. My thing is those people that are against gays why are you on this website? i was just checking for behvior issues. What is your excuse? Dont have nothing better to do buy bash other people? Another thing the girl that was asking where God was and disliking other people....well all the people that are soo ugly...kick back and read what you wrote. You r so inhuman...there are plenty of gay animals to one comment...You r going to die just like we do. I am not gay i have four kids and a husband live in a healthy home...You apparently dont.

I truly believe that just like ANY OTHER detail of a persons life, being Gay IN GENRAL, is neither a choice nor a genetic difference. You cannot name ALL GAY PAOPLE as having made the choice to be Gay, nor can you name them all for having some sort of genetic link to being the way they are. PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT, this means that for one person, they may have chosen to be Gay, for another, they just are Gay, they were, are and always will be Gay, because that is how they were made. Think of "genetically gay" in this perspective: every single embryo, of any species of any thing on this planet starts out as FEMALE, in Gay people, the FEMALE embryo never completely made the transformation into male. Therefore, their body is male, and their mindset, emotions etc. are still female. Now in the choice aspect of all of this, i think of it as any other stereotype, they want to be different, to stand out. Gothic people dress gothic to stand out, emo people are emo to be unique, same as choosing to be Gay.

Hi Joe and Everyone,First, to Joe: Please do not pop anyone in the mouth. As much as I understand your frustration we must all remain under self control. I know you agree with me and I sense that you meant what you said only in a "metaphorical way." But, there is just too much violence in the world and it solves nothing.Second, I am writing a second article that will include the issue of homosexuality, as well as other minorities, and will discuss why all of these groups are singled out for rejection and harm. Watch for the article and let me know what you think.Dr. Schwartz

I would like to pop James in the face right about now. All I know is that im a 19 year old male and have ALWAYS been gay since the time I knew what it was to like someone. Sine about 8 or 9. But...apparently I chose to get made fun of all throughout elementary school. Apparently I chose to have my mom get freaked out when she found out and not talk to me for about 5 days. Apparently me and my 25 year old brother who just recently came out as well (shocking right?) both chose to hide our sexuality for soooooooooo long in fear of being shunned by our friends and extremely conservative extended family. Im still not out to my friends basically only my mom and older brother know. My dad kinda knows ( i mean he has to) and my little brother doesnt need to know right now. Hes straight as anyone could be. My older brother is a little flamboyent but not so much. walking down the street you could not tell he was gay. Same with me... I consider myself a manly guy. I love sports, surfing, hiking, working out, ect I just also like other dudes and always have. I never woke up one day and said to myself, "I want my family to look down on me, I dont want to go to Heaven and I want to be burned in the pit of hell forever, I want some of my friends to disown me, and I wanna be made fun of by the half the population of the world...I think Im gonna start liking boys." I hate to tell you people but you cant train your dick to get hard when looking at other guys. Thats basically saying you trained your dick to get hard when looking at girls. All men (gay and straight or bi) can say penises have a mind of their own. Theres no controlling them. Im just glad to get this off my chest. Im gay and im not proud because I didnt choose this but I am ok with being who I am ( biologically gay ). thank you

I am 18 and have been dealing with my sexuality for a while now. Let me tell you that if it were a choice I would have chosen to be strait. This year I have been extremely depressed because I thought that all my friends and family would abandon me. I even started bad habits; I would cry myself to sleep some nights wondering if the world would accept me for who I really was. I am glad I found this article.

Being gay or straight is not a choice. You have about as much control over your sexuality than you do over your eye color. Why do you think people would choose to be this way? It's definantly not for the perks, we don't have any. Lgbt are denied the rights to basic American liberties everyday. Why would we choose that. I'm sorry that you ignorant, small minded people can't accept that being gay is genetic. Sure there isn't any scientific studies to prove it, but there arn't any studies saying that god is real either. Its time for all of you homophobes to take a step back and look at the big picture. There are gays everywhere, you can bitch and moan all you want, but we arn't going anywhere.

Perhaps homosexuality is caused by the same things that cause heterosexuality? Is heterosexuality a choice ?

In order for there to be choice there has to be more than one option availiable to someone. So I'm guessing that the people who have declared that a gay lifestyle is a choice must be speaking from some sort of experience where they themselves have made a choice between a man that they were attracted to and a woman that they were attracted to. If they have never had gay feelings then how can they know it's a choice? In fact, if they have only ever had an attraction to the opposite choice then that precludes 'choice' altogether.

All deliberate behaviour stems from choices. When it comes to sex our behaviour is usually motivated by desire. Who we desire and why isn't understood. Period.

The issue of homosexuality is extremely complex. In fact, it goes way beyond the issue of genetics. We do not fully understand what happens that some people become "hard wired" as gay while others are "hard wired" as heterosexual. There is evidence that, in some people, it could be genetic. But, aside from genetics, we do not understand what happens to the fetus when it is inutero in the mothers womb. It is entirely possible that, for reasons not yet known or understood, the brains of these fetuses become exposed to more estrogen than they should and that stamps them as homosexual. Or, something else happens, such as the age of parents, with the possibility that older parents may be more likely to have a gay child, or something neurological happens in the fetus or in the infant after birth that determines this. All of these could be explanations, or some of them or any other variation, including things we do not know as yet.

What we do know is that people do not wake up one day and say, gee, I want to be gay. It does not happen. This is why it is not a matter of choice.

There is no scientific research to support being that being gay is a choice, the study that is cited in this report is out of date and has been dropped by scientist for the last six years! If there is no scientific evidence that being gay is genetic.... it means you were not born that way! ITS A CHOICE, i no it is, you no it is.... now stop lying to yourselves.

Okay. Well I've been bisexual since I can remember. I had feelings for both girls and guys. It was hard at first. Not thinking I was "normal" but I came to terms with my sexuality. I am perfectly fine being the way I am, don't let others put you down. Honestly, It's soooo not a choice. I mean, at the age of about 5 or 6 you can't just up and say "I'm gonna be gay!" No. It doesnt work like that. We are all just how we are, we can't change it. And You really shouldn't have to. So have some gay pride and be who you are! :)

My wholelife sence I was like four five years old I remember being atracted to other boys...For Me being Gay/bi is no were near a choice. HOw can You controll and choose what Your atracted to? Makes no sence that's why they cal;l it atraction and not choice. I also grew up as a catholic always knowing I was considered discusting and sinful in "the eyes of God" God made people and animals in his vision right? So he makes people gay, bi, strait, transgendered, and mentaly retarded...Telling a homosexual to stop being the way he or she is is like trying to fix mental retardation...its not a choice people need to come to reality and live there own life and stop worrying about other peoples life...Even if Homosexuality is a sin in what not than why don't I see religouse people trying to help i've been put down bye allot of religouse people and Yes I belive in God. My own god who exepts people for who they are I pray every night and pray for more good/love and less bad/hate ;)

I'm so sick of people telling me that my I chose how I lived my life; yes, certain things I chose, but not my sexuality. During my childhood, I wished to be "normal," wished I would turn out to be straight, and be accepted to the society. I felt my adolescent life being robbed every time I saw my straight peers being able to live such a happy and care-free "accepted" lifestyle.

I am who I am; I did not choose to be gay. I would be more than happy to be straight, but I can't! Why can't people get that?!? You were born straight; did you have your say in your sexuality? Would you "choose" to be gay? Just think about it.

For people out there thinking gay men are molesters, or victims of molesters, please don't confuse homosexuality with pedophilia. These two terms are different, and one does not equate with the other. Please get this fact correct.

There is homosexuality in the animal kingdom! Some people like to use the "unnatural" card, but there are many evidences that prove that homosexuality does exist in the animal world.

I'm really disturbed about one comment made about how she tells her brother that being gay is wrong and showing him the bible to "prove" her belief. Please stop using the bible as proof. If you want to see it that way, I want to ask why you only choose certain parts and leave out the rest? The bible does not condemn selling your daughter as a slave; eating shellfish is an abomination; stoning adulteress; and so many more! There are a million sentences in the bible, and people are focusing on few of them and disregarding the rest.

If you have a problem with something that I have no control of, it’s your issue. If you think gay marriage is wrong and will be a problem to your marriage, focus on your own marriage. If you think being gay is a sin, just remember that it's not your sin. But I agree with people when they say that being gay is sinful because being gay means being insulted, ridiculed, beaten-up, murdered, and isolated by the very people who say it is sinful.

In response to the last individual who posted comments, this is a psychology web site. As such, we rely on empirical evidence such as that found in scientific studies. As such, quoting biblical verse does not meet the standards of scientific evidence. In no way is this to imply any disrespect to the religious beliefs of other people. For those who are comforted by their religious faith, more power to you. However, it is my view, as a scientifically oriented mental health professional, it is wrong to label others as "sinful" based on religious teachings. You have a right to your own view points, but not to impose them on others. From a scientific point of view, the mounting evidence gathered from both medical neurological and psychological research studies, is that homosexuality is not a choice. People who are homosexual do not choose to be gay any more than heterosexual people choose to be heterosexual. For those of you who may state that in nature there is no homosexuality among animals we now know that this is not true.

To Those Stuggline With Christian Views on Homosexuality - - Mar 13th 2009
I just read about someone who was struggling with her mother telling her that she was condemned to hell and that it was a sin. Well I am a Christian as well and i have faced countless debates on whether this is a choice or not. My answer and debate isn't scientific either but I'll offer it anyway. It is a sin. The Bible says it's a sin. The Bible is God's Word, so we know God considers it a sin. Read Leviticus and you can find it there as well as in the New Testiment if you believe that the Old Testiment is out-dated. I know that someone also pointed out that just becuase it was a sin didn't make it any worse than a "straight" person's sin, and again you're right it doesn't becuase all sin is sin no matter what, each of our sins put Christ on the cross, but if we continue to live in that sin the we are apart from God. Though some people do suffer from feelings toward the opposite sex, there is a choice to be with another woman or another man. No one is making you. It's a test of faith, just like being tempted to lie, or to go too far with your boyfriend or girlfriend. We as Christians can't give into it. We have to rely on God to help us through it and turn from it. Don't it overcome you let God overcome it. Don't ever think God isn't enough to help you through and just give in. Let everything yo do shine God's love and His truth.

I've spent the last 30 minutes reading every comment. I can't believe the hate I've read and the opinions that have been shared. I grew up in a Christian home. My mother was dominant and still is. I live my life with the knowledge that being gay has dissapointed my mother and condemned me to hell (as my mother tells me). I agree, with some of the comments. Perhaps it is my "choice" to live in a lesbian relationship. But I can remember feeling more comfortable with women from the early age of 6. I also tried to be "straight" because I knew it was what my mother, my church and society wanted me to be. I tried....I wanted to feel "normal". I struggle with my "choice" everyday. I don't really feel I had a choice.

For the person that wrote "Fuck the bible" - shame on you. God is the only thing that makes sense in this world and without Him, I would be lost. I talk to him daily about my struggle. I ask for guidance and the wisdom of Solomon. I feel more at ease now than I ever did before. This is because I've come to accept that we all sin and fall short of the glory of God. There are no degrees of sin. My cross may not be the same as someone who is heterosexual. The difference is, I don't judge them for theirs.

Last but not least, I have been in a lesbian relationship for 5 years. The woman I am with is a wonderful creation of God and so am I. I stopped going to church because of my mother's opinion regarding my eternity. After reading these comments, I have come to realize that the only choice I have is whether or not I let society destroy my relationship with God. I will be back in church every sunday rejoicing and praising God. If being gay is a choice, I have faith He will carry me through. If it's not, I have faith he will give me peace and show me how to live my life best serving Him.

At this point, I don't care if it's a choice....I just care that God is with me and sees me through......He will never leave me nor forsake me. Sorry this isn't more scientific. My mistake. I was looking for society to tell me why I was gay instead of talking to God and following the heart he gave me.

I had an interesting experience in my young adulthood, that is I was married, with a child, and was invited to stay at the home (until ours was built) of some male gay neighbors...both of them were wonderful people. I truly loved them--they were funny, bright, involved with the community, generoua, basically two very good people. In those months that we shared their house, I got to understand so much about them and their lifestyle

I found that both had different, yet very traumatic experiences as children--with one deciding "boys (males) ares less trouble than girls (females), the other, had a very hard (unloving) father, and a very soft (loving) mother--he said he "didn't want to be like a man" e.g. his father, so he modeled himself after his mother. Both, said they wished they could be straight, and even attempted it (with some success) --though they kept their friends from their gay life just the same.

Later, I heard of a study (survey) done at Yale, concluding that 82% of the gay (lesbian) women, had been molested by a man before the age of 14. Men therefore, were seen as monsters, not so, other women. I do believe that their is fundamental chemistry involved in creating a person's sexuality--some very recent studies show that consuming too much processed soy (e.g. soy milk, tofu) can cause secondary female characteristics in men (from the high estrogen content of these products). There is often more that one reason for a particular situation or outcome. We all need to look at homosexuality as a complex issue.

I do personally feel that true homosexuality is more in the realm of blip in nature (that is, the chemical/genetic based homosexulality), similar to hermaphroditism (organs of both sexes are present in one person)--no one would want to condemn a person who was born like that...therefore, no one in their right mind would condem a person who has a chemisty that is different from you or me. Bottom line, we all need to look at the facts, continue to conduct careful studies (e.g. the truth indeed sets us all free --from hate hopefully), and simply be kind an considerate to our fellow man and woman.

Abstract In research with 942 nonclinical adult participants, gay men and lesbian women reported a significantly higher rate of childhood molestation than did heterosexual men and women. Forty-six percent of the homosexual men in contrast to 7% of the heterosexual men reported homosexual molestation. Twenty-two percent of lesbian women in contrast to 1% of heterosexual women reported homosexual molestation. This research is apparently the first survey that has reported substantial homosexual molestation of girls. Suggestions for future research were offered.

Again JT, you have once again taken the information the wrong way and ran with it. This sight is not arguing the fact the homosexuality is moral, it has nothing to do with morality period. Of course society isn't going to accept a lot of things, but this site is for those who either believe that homosexuality is a choice or is it something we are born with. No where does it say anything about Pedophilia, Bestiality, Polygamy, Prostituition, or whatever. Just get off the morality issue, we know society isn't going to accept anything outside the norm routine, but this site isn't for discussing morality. I am not one to judge, and because you like to have sex with young boys, to me I don't see why you would want to do that. To defile a child like that has major consiquences, but its you and I can't say anything, but at the same time think of what it would do to the child in the future.

JT, your argument comparing pedophilia with homosexuality makes no real sense. Pedophilia is immoral and illegal not because of society defining it that way but because the very nature of childhood makes it impossible for them to give consent to anything. Read Doctor Domeck's list of the stages in the development of moral thinking listed below in an earlier editor's comment and you might better understand. This is why parents make decisions for children: children, by their nature and cognitive developmental stage do not have the judgment necessary to make that type of decision.

On the other hand, two adult men or two adult women who are convinced they are homosexual can enter into a mutually intimate relationship as long as they mutually give consent to do so. At one time homosexuality was considered illegal because it was misunterstood. Even today, there are people who use the bible to argue the "immorality" of homosexuality. Well, this mental health site is not here to take any sides with regard to religion. The American Psychiatic Association decided in 2002 that homosexuality is not harmful or illegal as long as the participants are adult and mutually consenting.

Adults can make decisions about their sexual behavior and preferences. Children simply do not have that capacity.

Sorry, Dr. I hadn't checked back and would like to respond a bit to a few comments from the "editor" while I have a moment.

You said: "The comparison between homosexual behavior and pedophilic behavior is just wrong, besides the fact that it is incredibly ignorant and prejudicial. The key distinction to make is whether abuse is occuring in the context of an intimate relationship. Pedophile activities are inherently abusive becuase they involve sex with a child who is inherently less powerful and sophisticated than the pedophile and who cannot give appropriate informed consent. ...

Comment: To accept your argument, we must accept that IF a child in fact gave informed consent and there was no abusive behavior, that sex with a child would be OK. Sorry, but you're dodging the morality question. [And in the future, don't lower yourself to name calling: ignorant? prejudicial? Oh, please. There is no place for that in rational debate. ] The reason that sex with a child is immoral is NOT because a child can't consent or is physically harmed. The reason that sex with a child is immoral is the same reason polygamy is unacceptable. Consider closely that in an adult polygamous relationship, where the adults are consenting and no one is forcing or abusing anyone else, our society still deems the polygamist relationship unacceptable to the same degree that society deems homosexual behavior unacceptable: do it all you like, society is not going to outlaw it, but society is not going to give it a stamp of approval either, because it is immoral behavior. And why is it immoral, because the people in society say so. The question that is posed, I think, is whether the movement of more and more in society to conclude that homosexual behavior is acceptable is a movement towards a greater degree of morality (e.g., the people of the United States discontinuing the practive of slavery was a move to abandon an immoral practice; civil war over a moral issue...can you imagine that?) or towards a greater degree of immorality/ammorality (e.g., the people of Holland accepting and encouraging prostitution and recreational drug use). Sorry. but that is all I have time for today... I will write again. JT

To Dr. Schwartz - KJ - Dec 10th 2008
Hello, I read your comment and I see you haven't read any of my other stories. So I am going to give you a little synapses of my life. First I am very much familiar with that quote becuase I myself am Native American, I as well as my family belong to the Lenape Tribe. Second I am gay, have been all my life and very proud to be gay. I was born this way and I will always be gay. Third referring back to the quote, I have walked in those shoes all my life and I know what it is like to be ridiculed and looked at as if I was something society sees as trash. I live in the suburbs of Georgia, it is as country and homophobic as you can get. Not to mention I live in a subdivision amongst rich, judgmental people. Adding to my journey of dispair, my mother and grandmother are devout Christians and my step father hates homosexuals with an undivine passion. Coming out to them is not an option I see coming anytime soon, I have told friends that I trust though. The fact is I know what rejection feels like, I also face the fact that I may not even be able to get married or do a lot of other things as well. All I am saying is that am tired of society trying to make everyone look and be the same. Beacuse of it people can't be who they are because they are afraid of what people of "normal society" might say or do to them. Yes we do have sick people in the world, but no one is better then anyone esle we are all equal. Just because I live in a neighborhood with homes ranging in the millions does not make me any better then someone sleeping in the streets. Your right it is time we stop judging people. But in George's case I felt that if he was having those feelings he should not have gotten married and pulled his wife and kids into that. Down the line it would end up hurting them, I could never see myself doing that to someone. So do know that have walked those shoes and I am still in those shoes today, and probably will be the rest of my life.

KJ, you are "sick" of the homosexual/bisexual confusion because you are not gay and do not have to live the conflict with its confusion and anxiety. Native Americans have an old and wise saying that you "should not judge me until you have walked a mile in my moccasins." I am sorry if the quote might not be exactly correct, but the meaning is there anyway. George is caught in a dilemma not of his choice or making. It is something that was "dealt him in the cards he was given."

Also, KJ, I do not know that I could help George but a good therapist might be able to. By the way, helping George has to do with helping him figure out his sexual orientation so that he ends the confusion and anxiety.

KJ and everyone, people do not choose to be gay anymore than they choose to be short or tall, blue eyed or brown eyed, Semitic or Anglo Saxon and etc. It is time we stopped judging people and started having some real empathy.

To Dr. Schwartz - KJ - Dec 5th 2008
All bisexulatity is to me is confusion, one who can't make their mind to be with the same sex or the opposite sex. I can't understand it but if you think that you can help George with his confusion then good luck to you.

To George - KJ - Dec 5th 2008
I just have to say this is a never ending cycle with gay men. Like I said before this is an old classic scenario, very old and quite frankly I'm sick of it. Why the hell would you get married and have children knowing that you were gay. Good luck telling the wife and kids they are going to be thrilled. Now do you see, you are my prime grade A example of gay males who think getting married is going to fix everything, just hiding yourself. But guess what now you are not the only one involved now. You are going to have to face your family and tell them the truth one day and they are never going to understand how you could put them in that kind of situation. Wow, you really done it this time, and I would be surprised if she didn't beat you with a frying pan. I am going to end this by saying that this is embarrassing, why would you hurt people like that making her think you love her and had the nerve to bring kids into the world. I feel so sorry for your wife and kids, what you did was wrong.

Actually, there are men and women who are bisexual and it is possible that this fits what you experience. However, you do not seem to be comfortable with this, from what you write and, therefore, I would suggest psychotherapy to help you understand and work out this issue and how it makes you feel.

having read the treatise, i can begin to believe that there is a trigger inside someone that determines gay/straight, etc. of course, that doesn't help me understand why i now identify as gay (have for a few years, actually), even though the vast majority of my life has been spent as a fully-functioning heterosexual man. i have been married and produced three sons, all with no difficulties. i have never experienced difficulty performing as a heterosexual male, with a variety of women. please forgive me if that last seems like a brag - it isn't.

in my early twenties, i experimented a couple of times with men - mostly for the "thrill" of it, i think. i was turned off, frankly; although i found myself fantasizing regularly about sex with other men. it wasn't until my late 40s, though, that i once again took a step in that direction. my initial reaction then, as earlier, was negative. however, i believe that the negativity i felt was more from fear of being gay and that i had truly enjoyed my encounter than from disgust or displeasure. definitely not displeasure.

though married, i find myself overwhelmingly desirous of a sexual relationship with a man. i can't tell if such a relationship could or would lead to a loving relationship - those feelings have not really entered into my thinking. i must admit that i had what i thought was an opportunity to develop a long-term relationship with another man 6 years or so ago, and i've admitted to myself that i would have done so willingly.

i guess i still wonder if i am really gay or not. i believe so, but based on what i have heard, read and witnessed, i have to have my doubts as well.

To JT - KJ - Nov 26th 2008
Dude you just took everything i said and turned it completely upside down. Your the one that don't know what you are talking about. What I said had nothing to do with ancient practices. Look around, you still have people that think homosexuality is a fairly new thing. People don't know what really happened in ancient times or even where a lot of what we do today came from. I am not an Atheist, I happen to know a lot more about the bible and what happend before Christ was born which is somthing else a lot of people don't know, don't want to know, and are very closed minded to. What I said had nothing to do with Bestiality (having sex with animals), being a Pedophile, Adultry, or any other sexually explicit act you named. This world hates and fears the word different and anyone associated with it. That is why society set bounderies, that is why people are closed minded to it, they don't know the truth, they only know what have been taught. Now on the ther hand why would you want to do that to a child. Why not be with an adult? These are questions you are going to face you whole life, because religion or no religion you will still be seen as a sick perverted freak. This website is set for those who belive that homosexuals are born gay or either they made the choice to be gay. Why this everlasting retarded battle goes on I don't know, but you didn't grasp what I was saying and before you let your ignorance get the best you read, let the word sink and understand them before you comment.

If you replace "homosexual" with "homosexual pedophile" you could make the same arguments: "Just because I like sex with young boys, why has society branded me?" "And why won't people just accept me? " "People are just pedophilophobic!" Listen to your own arguments; they are ludicrous. Pedophilia has been around for centuries too. So has polygamy. So has adultery. You can't justify your immoral behavior by saying it's an ancient practice. You also can't justify your behavior by saying it is OK because there is no morality, because there is no God. That is absurd. If you are an atheist, then you have to walk the walk.... what is moral is what society says is moral, nothing more and nothing less. If society says that killing unborn children is moral, then it is. If society says killing enemies in a war is moral, then it is. If society says sex with young boys is immoral then it is. If society says that cheating on your husband or wife is immoral, then it is. And if society says that sex with a person of the same gender is immoral, then it is. Like it or not. God or not. Sorry. If you want to cheat on your spouse, have sex with animals, or have homosexual sex, it's your life, but don't ask for society to AGREE that your behavior is moral. Get over it. It's not.

And don't even try to argue that homosexual behavior is "victimless." That's such obvious B.S. that any high school debate coach wouldn't let you present the argument. AIDS has devastated homosexual men and disproportionately affected homosexual women. A host of self-inflicted problems, including higher rates of suicide, substance abuse, physical disease, mental disturbance, and murder, contribute to a sharply reduced lifespan for homosexuals. Homosexuals die young, and they are disproportionately involved in substance abuse and the corruption of youth. Homosexuals cannot contribute as much to society as those who live a normal lifespan and do not endanger their neighbors with their drug-use or their neighbors' children with their sexual predilections. Homosexuals are disproportionately atheistic and lack the same moral standards as the balance of society, which happens to be about 98% of society. So... enjoy your rights to be free from discrimination just like adulterers are -- sorry, no scarlet letter for you either in our society -- but don't expect society to agree your behavior is "normal" if by that you mean moral. Murder is "normal" too, if you check the number of occurrences, but frequency or prevalence doesn't make it morally right or acceptable to society.

1. The comparison between homosexual behavior and pedophilic behavior is just wrong, besides the fact that it is incredibly ignorant and prejudicial. The key distinction to make is whether abuse is occuring in the context of an intimate relationship. Pedophile activities are inherently abusive becuase they involve sex with a child who is inherently less powerful and sophisticated than the pedophile and who cannot give appropriate informed consent. In contrast, sexual activities which occur between consenting adults capable of consenting to such acts are those parties own business no matter whether they are heterosexual or homosexual in nature. Murder, which you bring in at the end of your comment, is of course, abusive by definition. Polygamy might not always be abusive, but it surely is as practiced by the LDS/Mormon fundamentalists who marry child brides.

2. The idea that "whatever society says is moral becomes moral" is debatable, I suppose, but that is not the way I think most people would argue it. Most people approach the morality of a behavior from a particular moral framework, and what we are seeing here is not the absense of morality but two conflicting approaches to morality. There is the conservative fundamentalist religious approach which argues that the bible (and by extension God) is against homosexual behavior and therefore that behavior is immoral. And there is the more liberal humanistic and scientific approach which argues, based on fundamental moral ideas such as the principle of fairness, and on the increasing evidence base that suggests that homosexuality is a normal minority variation of human (and animal) sexuality that there is no reason to demonize homosexuality save for out of date prejudices.

4. It may be that there are disproportionate health impacts of a "homosexual lifestyle", at least the way you envision it. If that is the case, the point you wish to make, which is that homosexuality leads to early death via immoral pathways is still suspect becuase it is not the case that all homosexually oriented people behave in the same manner. Promiscuity and drug use would need to be disentangled from homosexuality, for one thing. There are many homosexual people who live in committed stable monogamous drug-abuse free relationships, and you are probably discounting this fact.

5. Corruption of youth? Disproportionately athiestic? Lacking in moral standards? Please. The homosexual people you are imagining are straw men; they bear no resemblence whatsoever to the actual human beings I know who happen to be gay. In this last section of your comment, you descend into utter hateful prejudice.

Speechless - KJ - Nov 24th 2008
I am very speechless from reading the new comments posted on here. All you straight people are so closed minded and stupid to the fact of what is really going on in the world. Who the hell cares if people are straight or gay. Worry about yourself, who are you to judge, I guess everything in your world is going well so you have to find some way to crap on someone elses. You people are pathetic. This is to all those on here quoting the bible and thinking that God can change homosexuality. Homosexuals have been around for centuries and if you don't believe me look up "Alexander the Great" and that should convince you. Second the bible has been written over and over and the has been filtered and altered to what it is today. There were books, very important books taken out of the bible because the Catholics didn't want the full truth known. So they configured the bible, only the Jews have the original bible, the one that actually tells the truth. Look up the Dead Sea scrolls and read them and your bible side by side, it will piss you off. You really think by Adam and Eve eating an apple all of sudden made them acknowledge the fact that they were naked. As a matter of fact do you really think a tree knowledge really exist. In the original bible the truth about the Garden of Eden is made known. If that really happend, today with everyone eating fruit we would all be Albert Einstein. People don't look at facts they look at religion and mold it to life. WAKE UP and look around, the facts are real and are out there wating to be found. Ask a Bible Scholar what really happened in the Garden of Eden. Ask about the Sumarians and what happened in the time of there civilization. Being gay is normal just like being straight. I'm not straight, and straight people are very different from me. That doesn't mean I hate them, so why do gay people have to be tormented and ridiculed because were different. I was born this way and I love the way I am and no one can change me or convince me to change. If the world was the same and everyone was the same, there would be no life to live. There is nothing wrong with being different and I wish America would stop trying to conform people into what the average Amercian should be. To all those who think that religion is going to save you from what's to come, you are in for a rude awakening.