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A Request For Help

Question:
               Iam a research Scholar from India doing phd in biological sciences. iam a male of age 30. i have a peculiar problem related to my mind. iam from a tamil hindu rural middle class family back ground. In my young age my parents (particulary my father) were very strict to me.I used to get beatings for not studying properly and also for not doing house hold work. I used to tremble with fear when ever i got my academic progress sheet or mark sheet or  valued exam papers from my school teachers because i have to get sign in them from my father. i used to procrastinate the revealing of that to my father. only if the dead line is set by my teachers i used to show them to my father. I used to get a lot of beatings and abuses for that.

Apart from that, my family members (including my grand father and grand mother) used to fight among themselves by shouting. Sometimes my grandmother and grandfather used to be harsh and demanding to me. My mother also used to join with them occassionally.Shortly my very young age was a turbulent and mostly unhappy one. Moreover i suffered from tonsilitis and asthma from my childhood onwards. I did my tonsilits operation only when i was doing my undergraduation. only after that i came to know that i was having asthma also. until then i was thinking that i was suffering only due to tonsilitis.I used to get cold, wheezing and fever often. The other thing is that i suffered a lot due to malnutrition from childhood- i,e eating asthma inducing foods and not taking food items full of nutrients like proteins etc My adolescent age was also a turbulent one. I developed an inferiority complex because i was very thin and bony and also not much attractive.this is one reason. the other reason is that i was sexually tried by a man, which was unsuccessful.(thank god) I developed a general shyness and closed mindedness. I felt fearful to talk even to gents like me some times. But with family ladies and other ladies i mingled well. I started to have guilty feeling regarding that. After a certain stage i started to avoid ladies also due to that guiltiness. seldom i had friends. Now i have an innate shyness and much anger with others though iam physically much improved and became somewhat attractive also. I contradict with people often and spend time lonely in work place and in my dwelling place too. iam unable to mix in a group. i used to get panic and anxiety some times which paralyse me from having regular relaxed thinking. I used to think a single matter again again. Some times i used to write a word or picture and over write it on itself or draw it again again. More over i used to have frequent nocturnal semen ejaculation during winter nights.(Winter temperature in south indian plain decreases only to 16 degree centegrade on an average)i used to feel like a crack during winter. i also used to doubt people often. My mind set becomes unbearable during winter. During some nights i used to get up and used to have a dejected feeling, anger and circasm or contempt. iam unable to make friends. When ever i try one, it becomes quarrelsome soon. iam unable to see ladies face at all some times and others too. What is the solution for these. people adviced me to try meditation and yoga but became disinterested in them after some time. What is the solution for my problem. can you guide me.please reply. thank You.

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Answer:

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p>Essentially, your problem is that you experienced an enormous amount of abuse during your childhood, adolescence and young adulthood. You also seem to be misinformed about certain things. For example, it is normal for a healthy male to experience nocturnal emissions if they are not having sex. As a Ph.D. level research scholar you must be aware that semen builds and needs an outlet if the male is not actively engaged in sexual activities. That outlet is achieved either by deliberately masturbating or involuntarily through nocturnal emissions with or without dreams.

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p>With regard to what you are describing as innate shyness, it is possible that some shyness is inherited. However, even when there is a genetic cause to a person’s shyness, childhood and adolescent events play a very large role in the intensity of the shyness that a person will experience. In your case, the amount of abuse, and arguing that you describe happening during your developmental years would very much contribute to your having intense social fear or phobia.

<

p>It is also true that the chaotic nature of your home life, which was filled a lot of anxiety, criticism and beatings, all led to your now living with much depression. Research shows that children who grow up with the type of background that you describe, experience low self-esteem, what you call “inferiority complex,” anxiety, and distrust of other people. Your early experiences taught you that people are not safe and can hurt you, even people you know. The lack of trust is part of what complicates your relationships.

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p>Also, depression carries with it symptoms of irritability, anger, feelings of worthlessness, difficulty sleeping and, yes, even panic and anxiety.

<

p>While it is true that yoga and meditation are very helpful for people who want to reduce stress, you need a much more therapeutically intense approach to the problems you describe. I do not know what types of psychologists and psychiatrists are available to you, but I would recommend three things:

<

p>1. Enter Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy so that you learn new and healthier ways of thinking and living with your self and with other people. You will also learn how to reduce your anxious thoughts and prevent panic attacks.

<

p>2. Be seen by a Psychiatrist to be evaluated for anti depressant and anti anxiety medications. This along with psychotherapy will go a long ways to helping you feel better and improve your relationships with people.

<

p>3. Make regular use of yoga and meditation along with exercise. You need to exercise daily, assuming you are physically healthy, and get your self out of breath. Aerobic exercise is especially good at reducing tension and depression. Plenty of sleep and good food are also important.

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p>Many people who grow up with the level of abuse that you experienced as a child believe that everything that happened to them was, and still is, their own fault. It is not true. You are not to blame for the things that were done to you as a child. In the same way, you are not to blame for the difficult emotions and problems you experience today.

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