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Absence Of Closeness


When i was a kid, my parents were never around much. My father passed away when i was 6. And my mother, wanting to take a break, left us with our cousin to look after us for a couple of years. Most of my childhood memories were without my mother. I never regained the closeness i once had with her. She remarried and i also never became close to her 2nd husband. Looking at my past relationships with other people, i realized that I never had a close relationship to anyone for over 4 years. Is this something i should be concerned about?

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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I’m not sure if you haven’t had a relationship for four years, or if you’ve had several relationships but none have lasted more than four years. I’m not sure it matters either. You spent your childhood separated from your parents, possibly feeling abandoned by your parents, and it is very likely that this experience will have shaped you. However, not having participated in a sustainable relationship is only a real problem if you are unhappy. If you don’t mind being alone then it isn’t a problem. I suspect that you are feeling like things have not worked out well, and that you are concerned about your ability to have a relationship that lasts. If this is the case, I urge you to talk about these feelings with a supportive counselor or friend. Talking in a trusted supportive environment helps promote healing and self-acceptance. It can also help you to learn about yourself and ways that you might possibly be sabotaging your efforts at relationships. Knowledge of this type is power; knowing how and when you have tended to pull away or not take chances in the past allows you to decide that you’ll act differently in the future. Good luck.

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