Need help breaking free from addiction?
1-888-993-3112
Call 24/7 for treatment options. Ad Info & Options

Absence Of Closeness

Question:

When i was a kid, my parents were never around much. My father passed away when i was 6. And my mother, wanting to take a break, left us with our cousin to look after us for a couple of years. Most of my childhood memories were without my mother. I never regained the closeness i once had with her. She remarried and i also never became close to her 2nd husband. Looking at my past relationships with other people, i realized that I never had a close relationship to anyone for over 4 years. Is this something i should be concerned about?

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
  • ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

I’m not sure if you haven’t had a relationship for four years, or if you’ve had several relationships but none have lasted more than four years. I’m not sure it matters either. You spent your childhood separated from your parents, possibly feeling abandoned by your parents, and it is very likely that this experience will have shaped you. However, not having participated in a sustainable relationship is only a real problem if you are unhappy. If you don’t mind being alone then it isn’t a problem. I suspect that you are feeling like things have not worked out well, and that you are concerned about your ability to have a relationship that lasts. If this is the case, I urge you to talk about these feelings with a supportive counselor or friend. Talking in a trusted supportive environment helps promote healing and self-acceptance. It can also help you to learn about yourself and ways that you might possibly be sabotaging your efforts at relationships. Knowledge of this type is power; knowing how and when you have tended to pull away or not take chances in the past allows you to decide that you’ll act differently in the future. Good luck.

More "Ask Anne" View Columnists

Close

Call the Helpline Toll-FREE

To Get Treatment Options Now.

1-888-993-3112 100% Confidential

Get Help For You or a Loved One Here...

Click Here for More Info.

Close

Call The Toll-FREE Helpline 24/7 To Get Treatment Options Now.

100% Confidential
Get Treatment Options From Your Phone... Tap to Expand