i have been single for 7 years now after an abusive marriage of 17 years. i am 43 years old and getting tired of being alone. but i am afraid of ending up in another relationship that is also abusive. so i was wondering if there are any tell tale warning signs that someone may be abusive. don’t want to end up in that again
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I’m not entirely sure that there are reliable warning signs that abuse will occur. Certainly as you move forward, you will want to avoid men who remind you of the men you’ve previously left for being abusive, or who have abused you in the past. It would be a good idea to specifically look for men who are have a gentle manner about them, who are not rigid, or terribly opinionated, or dominant in terms of their personalities. It would also be a good idea to avoid men who come across as polished and who try to sweep you off your feet. Men who are particularly skilled at seduction may not have your best interests at heart. Keep in mind that some anti-social types have little conscience and are skillful at appearing to be exactly what your heart desires, and only later reveal themselves to be controlling monsters. Watch out for this sort of shark, but don’t let the idea that there are sharks in the water keep you from swimming. Whatever precautions you take, there will always be risk that you will make a mistake. When and if you feel you’ve been abused in a new relationship, get out of that that relationship. Don’t let the guy sweet talk you out of your resolve. Good luck.