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Adoptive Mother Of 3 Children - SunFlower

Question:

I adopted my husband’s three children at an early age. I raised them and gave all I could as their adoptive mother. I never called them my adoptive children. I always referred to them as my own. My husband never corrected them or gave them love. It was always me.

I have suffered so much because my youngest adoptive daughter has made my life impossible. She has lied, talked about me and has made people believe that I am a terrible MOM. She has seen me cry and doesn’t care. She talks back to me with no regrets. It has gotten to the point that I can’t say nothing to her because, right away, she’ll explode like a fire cracker and this has caused my health to degrade.

My oldest wasn’t like that until the past three years and she has become heartless as well. My oldest who, I thought would be my closest, also moved out and doesn’t care about me either.

I feel as if I gave my all for nothing. After I raised them and sacrificed myself for them, they have turned their backs on me and I don’t understand why they are like that with me. No matter what I say or do it’s never enough and now I don’t know what to do.

They are older now, 21, 22, 24 years old. The sad thing is that they won’t dis-respect their dad. But me? They don’t care and I just have had it with them and I really would like to hate them but I can’t. All I do is cry and suffer. I never had a mom to love me as I love them and it’s sad to say I just don’t know or understand the motive as to why they are like that, especially my oldest daughter. She couldn’t care less if I were to die although she says she loves me. I can’t see it in her at all.

They are cold and heartless and, what can I do? I need an advice please does anyone know or has had the same issues with their adoptive children? please let me know.

Thanks

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Answer:

You seem to believe the problems you have with your three daughters are related to their being adopted. My seem to imply that. were they your biological kids, you would not be facing their attitudes. I doubt that this correct. Psychological studies, fiction and history are filled with examples of the severe strains between mothers. I believe it was Sigmund Freud, himseilf the father of a girl, that pregnancy and birth are repartive in this relationship.

It is a notoriously known fact that family structure is rocked during adolescence, whether the kids are male or female. While this does not happen in all families, it does happen in enough of them so that even the best of parents end up in tears. Your daughters are no longer adolescent but they are very young and remain somewhat rebellious.

I know that you are in pain but there something amusing about the way you point all you sacrificed for them and lool how ungrateful they are. How many of us parents have expressed the same sentiment, if not to our children then to everyone else. Of course, through that statement us parents are trying to provoke guilt and, we hope, a change in behavior. While we may succeed with guit but do not with with changing behavior.

I suggest that you refocus your attention away from adoption and, instead, grit your teeth and continue to reach out to them even though they aren’t easy to deal with. You also need to remind yourself that they are not your adopted daughters. They are your daughters.

Most important of all, do not sit at home, suffering and losing sleep. Live your life to the fullest, regardless of them or your husband.

If you continue to feel agitated by this, go into pstchotherapy for yourself.

Good Luck

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