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Adulterer's Lament

Question:

I broke up my marriage by having an affair and then leaving my wife of ten years for another woman. This was five years ago. I have been living with the other woman since then. Unfortunately, the woman I am living with has turned into an incorrigible alcoholic. I have had no luck in bringing her out her problem. She was even in court ordered counseling (for a 2nd DWI) for 4 nights a week for six months. I am weary of the relationship. I feel that I would like to go back to my ex-wife (who, since then, has been re-married and divorced) but I don’t know how it would work out. I have a 14 year old daughter by my ex-wife. Should I go back (I am sure that she would take me) or am I just looking for a quick way out of my current relationship?

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Answer:

I’m tempted to tell you that you’ve gotten your just rewards for being dishonorable with regard to your ex-wife, but life is more complicated that that and we have to deal with the situation at hand sometimes. If you are having problems with your unrepentantly alcoholic partner-in-crime and find the relationship to be destructive, I would suggest that you are within your rights to leave her. This doesn’t mean, however, that you should run back to your ex-wife. Why not take a few months at least to be single and try to figure out just what the hell is wrong with your judgment that you could mess up so badly twice. At that point, if you are still wanting to be with your ex-wife (and provided that she wants you as well) you might give that relationship a whirl again. I question the mental health of a woman who would take you back after you cheated on her and then divorced her, but that would be her decision to make.

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