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Am I Bisexual?


Some quick background. I am a 24 year-old man, and have had sex with 4 women, been romantically involved with about 12 and have enjoyed all of my sexual experiences with these women, especially my current girlfriend. Also, I have been through about three bouts of depression, one very serious when I was 18. I had obsessive thoughts at that time that I was gay, although I didn’t really have any desire to be with another guy. They subsided for some time but are back again, and I am depressed and on medication (Effexor). This is very scary. I love my girlfriend and love having sex with her. Is this some sort of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? And it doesn’t make sense that I would be bisexual because I really don’t have a desire to be with another guy. Please help.

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From what you tell me I do not think that you are bisexual or gay. Even if you do have some desire to be with a man there is nothing wrong with that. It sounds like you are mostly paranoid that other people will think that you are gay. Did something happen when you were growing up or recently that makes you think you are gay? For example, where you teased about it. Finding the source if possible for your thoughts will help to alleviate them. My best advice for you is to be confident in your sexuality, and not to worry what to label it. Hope this helps, – Anne

More "Ask Anne" View Columnists

  • Roo

    Your comment about having uncontrollable and compulsive thoughts about yourself being gay definitely sounds like you have some form or level of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

    Many people with OCD experience unwanted or random sexual thoughts or images, infact a classic example of this is a fear of being homosexual, and sufferers will obsess over whether or not they are. OCD affects more than 1 in 50 people in the UK, so you aren't alone in this.

  • OCD intense

    I am going through the same thing. I am 19 and recently got broken up with by my boyfriend. He and I were long distance and my feelings for him were wilting away. So i told him that i felt that i lost a connection with him. We both freaked out and he broke it off. Soon after I was having a conversation with my Grandmother about my cousin fighting being gay. That triggered a thought in my head that i was bi because i thought that because in the past i had an attraction toward a few women. Never thinking or desiring women before. Then the thoughts kept becoming more intrusive of me thinking of being with a girl. At first I was disturbed and didnt want to think about it. Then i got so used to it it didnt bother me anymore. That made me think i was bi. People asked me to try things with girls and experiment but i dont want to. Just out of the fear that i might like it. i liked see in my diary from when i was younger how i liked little boys and wanted to marry them :) i was boy crazy in high school and college too. Then this all started. What is wrong with me? I have been diagnosed with this part of it? I pray to God that I am not bi...i never desired women before and the OCD makes me think of it more and more and more and then i become used to it the fact of liking girls. What is wrong with me? am i normal? my therapist put me on anti depresants but they made me worse. Is this a phase? i hope so.

  • Jack

    O...k basicaly im 19 and hav always loved women, loved sex and loved being in relationships with them but lately ive become realy paranoid that i mite be gay..... i dont understand this as i hav no desire to be with a man physicaly or in a relationship, but i cnt get it out my head. i think it may be down 2 something that happend last year when i went to a party and got realy mashed up on all sorts of drugs and drink. I turned around to a mate at the party and asked if i could speak 2 him i and if i cud tell him sumfin. all i was gna say was (pissd), I love you mate ur a gud mate blah blah blah but before i gta chance 2 say anything he turned around and sed what ur GAY? and i was like WTF NO!! bt id never concidered n e fing like that in my entire life and drugged up my mind started finkin all sorts of things so i rang my bro n asked him if he fort i was gay..... he was like WTF lol no! so i felt better but it all got worse, i fell asleep at this party and this twat shaved all my hair and eybrows off knowing i was very proud of my looks, the next few months were very weird i didnt leave the house as i lookd stupid and was extremely paranoid but i got myslef 2getha and got a job in a pub and things were goin back 2 normal i was gettin with a few girls and my life was back on track but i lost my job and started taking drugs again (extecy, cocaine, bud) and i started getting realy paranoid again n what made this worse was that the dickhead hu shaved my hair n started all this "gay" malarky had bin goin round telling every1 i was bisexual, so every1 fort i was gay, and being paranoid lately i jst fink 2 myself how do i no that im not, i mean.... i dnt like dudes or n e fin but everytime i speak 2 n e girl now im paranoid that im gay and everytime i speak to or even LOOK at a geeza i start finking am i looking at him in a gay way, like, do i fancy him n shit. TBH im i dont think i am and i fink its jst the drugs mixed with a fucked up memory playing with my mind making me paranoid but im still not sure.... i mean ive watched gay porn 2 see if it dus n e fin 4 me n it dnt, its jst fucked that ive had 2 watch it 2 find out if i am gay as i still dont no??? PLEASE CAN YOU HELP ME!!!!!

  • Anonymous-1

    i havent wondered about me being bi since i was 20 i new that i liked men and women not equaly but loved being with both.i recently told my fiance she took it well untill she asked if i had given or recived. i told her that i had done both. thats where she got kinda weried out. since we have been toghtere i havent been with any body else i love her very much but how am i going to tell her that i still like men and want that in my life?

  • Nick

    I have always had an OCD problem my whole life. I had anxiety issues and it got out of control. I'm only 15 and I think i understand much more about life then others should. Having OCD has taken a toll on my body. I always thought of myself as straight, until i started thinking about it. I am different from others. I wear different clothing and am away from the crowd. I'm not on any meds or anything. I've tried to deal with it. Thoughts keep coming back. My girlfriend is bisexual and I love her. I really do. When I was little, I tested my sexuality without even knowing it. I don't want to be like this. But I have learned to accept that I am who I am. I have these problems for a reason, and hopefully one day in my life I will find out why I have this problem and how I will save me from myself.


  • delta

    I have the same issues describde above. It all began back 7 years ago I had a period of about 6 months when I thought I was gay, basically each time I'm near a guy I fell or wonder if I'm gay. It's a terrible feeling beacuse it's like flashes in my head and thoughts and feelings that I hate. Absolutly hate them and can't control them. The feeling happened as I was breaking up with my first long term girl friend and it was really hard.

    Now it's coming back (I've had it a couple of times in between but not as pronouced). And it feels horrible again. I've just met this girl and she amazing, and I love making love to her. I don't want to be with guys or touch or kiss them - yet these feelings keep croping up. Can someone let me know how to slove this, is there any help and is it really (as you seem to say) a comon problem?

    Maybe this also comes from the fact that as a kid I was shy hence some kid said I was gay cause I didn't speak to girls... but I was just shy.

    One thing for sure is it feels good to know I'm not the only one feeling this.

    Thanks a lot


  • Motowhore

    Check this Link, the problems we are suffering are all true

    i myself known as a verry i would say a extreme ladies man, would love girls as much as could be, and just one day when i seen a movie with a bloke that slightly resembled myself, turned gay i started thinking, what if that was me.... and pretty much as the 1st guy stated where exactly my feelings. and my brain put many therys around this. And even tho i have recognised this as a problem stated by medical people, i still think why. and maybe theres something more im missing.

  • Richard

    check this out, very very informative and helpful. I suffer the same affliction

  • Richard

    check this out, very very informative and helpful. I suffer the same affliction

  • Anonymous-2

    I too suffer from re occuring thoughts of thinking im homosexual, it first started when me and my buddy were smoking weed, I was dating his sister at the time and she was the one I lost my virginity to, any way so we were high and acting stupid trying to be funny, stoned just acting goofy, then he says whats the worst thing happen in your life, I thought Idk if i was gay and really liked him and not his sister, then after that I could not get it out of my mind, just obbsessed with this crippling thought that i was gay and people think im gay, then I got over it in a sense, was able to have sex with girls but not cum, then finnally able to cum again with girls, never thought of guys or spanked it to homo erotic things, ended up getting back with her, split, found a new girl had a kid, didnt really think about the gay bs, then just recently now that I think if lost her for good, this crushing gay thought is back, and I have been looking at some futanari porn, witch is really making me worried, I am down in the dumps and suicidal, crying many times a day feeling hopeless, I mean I know I want to be with a woman in a relationship, but Im so mental that I cant focus, and now I cant figure this out help


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