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Sex

Question:

I am 31 and I have been in a same sex relationship for 6 years. We have a three year old and I am not having sex or being intimate with the love my life. I need to figure this out before I lose her. Why do I not have the need for sex?

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Answer:

Whether gay or straight, there are many reasons why couples may develop sexual difficulties in their relationship. In this particular case it’s unclear what may being going on but we can speculate after which you might want to go for help.

After six or seven years many couples run into trouble because the initial sexual and erotic excitement begins to wear off. That does not mean that sexual life comes to an end but that couples need to find ways to enhance their sex lives including finding time to go out and have romantic time together.

Unresolved anger issues can certainly interfere in a relationship and put a damper on sexuality. These need not be major issues but an accumulation of minor irritations that might not get addressed and end up being a much larger problem. People need to sit down with one another and discuss areas of difficulties as well as areas of satisfaction. There is no way one can know what irritating things they may be doing without being made aware.

Depression is often a big factor in reducing libido. The depression may have nothing to do with the relationship but with problems the individual is having. Of course, this does not mean that marital or relationship issues are not a catalyst for the depression. However, depression often has a bio chemical component that calls for psychotherapy and even medication.

There are always situational issues such as raising children. Parenting is never easy and can certainly impact a relationship in negative ways.

Whatever the problems may be they need to be addressed. There are options that include individual psychotherapy, anti depressant medication and/or couples counseling.

You and your and your partner can and should discuss the possibility of couples counseling and and you can get an assessment for depression.

Act now and do not risk your relationship by doing nothing.

Best of Luck

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