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Should I Seek Help?

Question:

I am a stay-at-home mom with two toddlers. Most of the time I feel fine, but lately I feel like something in my head is not quite right. I get very angry with the older child for not being quiet enough to let her sister sleep. I have fatigue that I can not shake. I feel that the days I really let my anger go, that i’m just really tired. i know this is no excuse to talk the way i do to my older child or act out the way I have been, but it’s the only logical explanation that I can see. I feel alone and trapped even though I have support from my family. I don’t feel that I am receiving the help i need when people are helping. I’m confused by my anger because I am in a good spot in my life.

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Answer:

Hi Mom,

At the very least, you are experiencing stress related to raising two toddlers. Doing this is much more difficult than people believe unless they have been through it. Having raised twin daughters my wife and I experienced extreme stress when they were infants. I might add that, because my wife was home alone with them more than I because I had to be at work, she experienced the full force of that stress.

However saying that you are experiencing stress is not enough. You may be going through additional problems. For example, I would not be surprised to learn that you are depressed and anxious along with feeling stressed. Both depression and stress would account for your frustrations and angers.

I want you to understand that every woman is raised with the fairy tale that, once they have babies, they experience nothing but love and adoration for them. Real life is different. Mothers love their infants but also experience anger, frustration, wishes they never had children, and in very unusual and very extreme cases, even kill their children. Remember the ancietn play, Media? Media murders here children to take revenge on her husband. It may not be a perfect fit but it is an example of the types of passions people really experience.

OK, so you are not Meidia and do not wish to murder your children. Fine, but, the answer to your question is: YES, you do need help.

Help:

What type of help do you need?

First: you should get yourself checked out by your pediatrician or physician so that it can be determined if you are suffering from Post Partum Depression.

Please understand that, if you do have post partum depression, it does not mean you are a bad Mom and it does not mean that you are over stressed and over whelmed. It does mean that you may need medication in the form of anti depressants until it passes. Psychotherapy would be a big help along with the anti depressants.

Second: Mom, you must have time for yourself. You must have baby sitters that allow you to get out of the house so that you can have some liesure time to visit with friends, go shopping or do the things you enjoy.

You also need time to get plenty of exercise so that you can drain off a lot of that stress and that will help relieve the depression.

Third: you and your husband need baby sitters to allow the two of you to go out, enjoy some romantic time together at a restaurant, a movie or whatever you enjoy. You also need time to be intimate because that is important for both of you and your relationship together. Yes, I mean sex.

In other words, after the issues of depression are seen to, you need to demand the types of help that are right for you. Yes, I used the word demand.

Mom, stick with it. Go for help and have hope that it will get better. It really will. But, in the meantime, look into the things I have suggested including Post Partum Depression or just Depression.

Best of Luck

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