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What Should I Do?


I found out that my husband has been chatting via msn with his ex. We’re in Canada, his ex in Brazil. She sent him pictures of herself and he has them in his email account. I accidentally saw them. Should I tell him that I know? Every time I think about it I lose my breath and start shaking. I feel terrible knowing that he’s come home late because he’s on msn with this girl… and we’re only 4 months married. Should I overlook this? should I tell him? what can I do??

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Given the fact that you are feeling very agitated about discovering your husband’s correspondence with his ex I don’t think it possible for you to overlook this. However, discussing this with him presents you with some challenges.

First, in discussing your husband’s Internet activity you have to admit to looking into his E. Mail. He is probably going to feel angry about this and you have to allow for that. At the same, its important that you not allow him to distract you from your real concern and that is his interaction with the ex from Brazil including pictures.

I think it very important that the two of you talk about any resentments, angers and dissatisfactions you may have with one another. It is only when issues do not get discussed that they can become serious problems as evidenced by one of you seeking attention from someone outside the marriage. Talk to one another and clear the air.

The fact is that you are at the beginning stages of a new marriage and establishing trust is a major issue. In my opinion, you need to address the trust issue with your husband, pointing out that it is very uncomfortable for you to know that he is in touch with his ex. At the same time, and to repeat, you must admit it was wrong of you to go into his E. Mail.

None of this will be easy for you and, if things cannot be resolved for both of you it is possible the marriage has no future. Marriage means boundaries and boundaries mean that old lovers are out of the picture if the marriage is to succeed.

Best of Luck

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