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Alcohlic Husband

Question:

my husband of 23-years left our home and is living with another woman . He still sends me e-mails which clearly show he is suffering from alcoholism. He sends me messages that he is in hell etc. Should I tell him that I am going to contact his employee assistance program if he does not. I think he needs an intervention and this may be the closet I can come to it.

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Answer:

As much as you wish to help your husband there is really nothing you can do other than tell him, albeit by E. Mail, that he should contact his EAP and get help for his alcohol and other problems. In addition, I recommend that you tell him to begin attend Alcohol Anonymous meetings. It is important that only he can take the steps necessary to get help.

When it comes to substance abuse it is necessary for the addicted person to reach a point where they truly want help. If you contact your husband’s EAP and report he could view that as interference and an intrusion. In many ways, it could give him an excuse to reject help by blaming things on you. This is the reason why you need to urge him to seek the help he needs.

Have you thought about your marriage and what you want to do? After all, your husband is cheating on you after 23 years of marriage and that has to hurt a lot. I would suggest that you get help for your self. First, it is recommended that families of those who abuse alcohol attend ALANON meetings. At these meetings loved ones learn how to cope and how to distance them selves from the alcohol abuse. Even your wanting to call his EAP is an example of you feeling pulled into his alcoholism rather than his taking responsibility for himself. In addition to ALANON you should consider psychotherapy for yourself during this difficult and traumatic time.

Best of Luck

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