My husband only drinks maybe once a month, but when he does, he becomes angry and it always ends in tears, usually mine. His father was an alcoholic, abusive husband and an abusive father, and when my husband drinks I become afraid that he will hit me. There is no reasoning with him and he calls me all the colourful names he can. The following day he is sorry and swears off the alcohol, until the next time. I just don’t know what to do or how to get him to see he needs help. I feel like a failure.
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There is no reason for you to feel like a failure. The problem drinking is his, not your’s. Putting the responsibility fir drinking on him, not on yourself.
One source of help for yourself might be to go to alonon, which is Alcoholics Anonymous for family members of those who have a drinking problem. There, you should get emotional support and learn how to separate yourself from his drinking.
Unfortunately, unless your husband gets himself help, you may be left with no other choice than to leave him. You have every right to feel safe. His drinking is no exuse for him to curse at you, itself verbal abuse, nor for hiss threatening you with the danger of getting hit. He should not be drinking at all. However, neither you, nor anyone else, can control what he, or anyone, will do. Only he can do that. That is why, unless he gets help and changes, you might have to leave him. I know it’s not a pleasant thought but, neither is living with a man who, over the years, could become much worse.
One choice is to present him with this possibility while he is sober, of course.
Also, you could consider psychotherapy for yourself in order to help you cope.
Best of Luck