Since 2011 I feel like I am falling into a black hole. I have gone through every problem and crisis that I can think of from my father’s sudden death followed by four more deaths in the family to physical, mental, family and financial crises, all of which pushed me to a breaking point.
Fuel was added to the fire my boss. She knew I was going through all sorts of problems and I still managed to complete job duties. She threatened to fire me when I took five days off due to my father’s death.
I badly need the money and therefore and in spite of tremendous pressure from the office, I am still clinging to the job. All of these problems together are taking a toll on my mental peace. I even thought about committing suicide and only because of my daughter I couldn’t do it.
I count my blessings every morning and think about those who are worse of physically and financially than I am. But nothing can lift my mood. I am constantly upset. I don’t enjoy anything anymore. My daughter was the brightest point in my life and recently she started demanding more of my time. She clearly expresses that she wants more of my company. I am completely confused and depressed. Am I becoming mentally sick??
Kindly help me out.
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You have answered your own question by stating that you are depressed. It is no surprise. You rate very high on the stress scale. The tragic death of your father followed by that of other relatives certainly hit you very hard. Most people feel enormous grief when one parent dies. You have suffered multiple deaths in a short amount of time.
Then there is the matter of your boss. I am no lawyer but I will give you my opinion which might be right or wrong and that you should investigate. It is that I believe that your boss must give you time off after the death of a parent. I might be wrong about this but I have a reason for suggesting that you check it out. One major factor in depression is feeling helpless and hopeless after many stresses occur. You are certainly feeling helpless, especially with your boss. Learning about your rights as an employee might help you feel empowered. Just learning about this could help you feel better even if you do nothing about it. You need to feel empowered.
With regard to your daughter, I suspect that you feel so drained by all of this grief that you have no energy left over for her. Try to think of it in a different way. Spending time with her can help you feel better. After all, she wants to be with you and that is a great compliment. Believe me, there is often so much conflict between mothers and daughters that daughters do not want to be around. You are a luck woman. My suggestion? Think of this as you receiving good stuff from your daughter.
Psychotherapy is a good idea for you if you have health insurance. If you do not there are very low cost mental health clinics you could go to in your neighborhood. If you go to a religious institution they might provide counselling.
Best of Luck