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Am I Going Crazy?

Question:

Hi,

I have been on and off with this guy. He cheated and lied the whole time we were together with his ex-girlfiend. I tried my best to stay away from him. I did for 2 straight months. But then he came back and it’s just all arguing and fighting now. I try to stay away from him but it seems like it’s impossible for me. I sure do not trust him at all. But I love him!

Here is when I think I am crazy! I can’t stop arguing and fighting with him. And day and night all I think about is that it’s the same thing over and over again! What is he doing? Is he lying? Why is he doing this? And I go crazy in my mind! 

I cry a lot and I start insulting him and then I apologize for what I say!! I do not have the energy to do anything anymore. I haven’t been doing my homework. I have been avoiding school. And I go to work because I have no choice. I can’t stop crying and thinking about the same problem all the time.

For the past month I have lost weight like never before. It’s really hard for me to concentrate on anything. On my days off all I want to do is stay in bed in my pajamas. I feel so sad all the time. And I can’t stop thinking about him and all the stuff he has done to me.

The thing is I am tired of feeling sad all the time. I can’t continue living and making this problem the center of my life. I don’t even know how to control myself anymore. I need a change! 

What should i do? Do I need medication to feel better? How do I help myself to get out of this situation?

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  • Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
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Answer:

It is not that you are crazy but that you are obsessed with him and that is not a good thing. It’s not a good thing because the relationship causes you great unhappiness and conflict. Why do some women seem to be attracted to “bad guys? You admit that he cheats on you, that you don’t know what he is doing when you are away from him and that you really cannot trust him.

It is unclear why you are so very attracted to this man who makes you unhappy. There have been lots of theories advanced for this. For example, you may be trying to prove that you are a loveable person if you can convince an unreliable man to love you. This sometimes happens when people grow up in homes that were filled with conflict and unhappiness. This could be your way of recreating that environment. Another possibility is that you are an obsessional person and he fulfills your need to obsess over something. One theory about obsessing is that it’s a cover for something deeper that you may be hiding from. Yet another theory is that you were abused while growing up and this is a continuation of that pattern. That is common for people who have been abused.

You really do need a change and that is why I am encouraging you to enter psychotherapy. There, you could talk about and work through your issues with men as well as with your obsessional tendencies. A therapist, a psychologist or licensed clinical social worker, are people who are objective and can help you clarify these things so that you can change your behavior and make happier decisions.


Best of Luck

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