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Anger Driven Down Wrong Road


I hate my husband but am even keel with him. I take out my frustrations with him on my children. When he is not home I loose my cool with my innocent children. What is wrong with me??? I am going thru a divorce (my choice) and because of my mood swings, I fear I will loose my children. Help me.

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It is very much to your credit that you are aware of taking out your frustrations on your children and that your anger is displaced from your husband onto them. The question is why?

You mention “mood swings.” I do not know you and do not have any solid information but, the term “mood swings” often refers to Bipolar Disorder. This is a serious mood disorder marked by extreme mood changes that can go from manic to extremely depressed. There are varieties of Bipolar Disorder. Whatever variety we might be discussing in reference to yourself, one of the many symptoms is extreme and uncontrolled anger.

Now, this does not mean that your unhappiness with your husband is unfounded. However, it could mean that it is easier to express the explosive anger with the children than with him.

It is possible that you have a personality disorder of some type. That would mean that you engage in repeatededly unhelpful and destructive patterns of behavior. It is possible for expressions of anger to accompany a personality disorder, such as Borderline Personality Disorder.

Please remember that all of this is speculation because I have no way of knowing.

Having said that I do not know, I suggest that you make an appointment with a Clinical Psychologist or experienced Licensed Clinical Social Worker in order to get a diagnosis and treatment for yourself. If you have a Bipolar Disorder then medication and psychotherapy will be very important in helping you control your moods.

If you have a “rage disorder” of some type, whererby you cannot control your anger, the correct types of therapy will help you reduce the anger and also use it in more helpful ways.

If you are depressed, or if you have a personality disorder, a combination of medication and, most important, psychotherapy, will help you deal with your issues in ways that are more helpful.

I have no way of knowing whether or not you are at risk of losing your children. In my opinion, non expert type, I still think or guess that judges, in divorce cases, prefer to have joint custody arrangements instead of depriving one parent of their children. I am also guessing that going for psychotherapy would be favorable in the eyes of the judge: I think so, in my opinion. However, I am not a lawyer.

Good Luck

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