I am a woman, 30 years old , but I feel like a teenager when I am in a relationship. I am insecure and extremely worried. In any circumstance, like if he doesn’t pick up the phone when I call, or if he gets home a little later than usual, I get extremely worried. My fiancee is really attentive to me. Yet, sometimes I feel that I am destroying his patience by acting like a puppy. Still I can’t control myself. I will add a stupid and unnecessary comment. What should I do to stop me?
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Evidently, you are an insecure woman who experiences a lot of anxiety that your fiancee will abandon you. You are also aware that, by nagging him and where he is and what he is doing, you may be pushing him away.
I want to strongly urge you to enter psychotherapy. Find a good Clinical Psychologist or Licensed Clinical Social Worker so that you can begin to work on why this is happening and how to stop yourself from all the worry.
We know that there are people who have one of various types of attachment disorder. It appears that you may have an "anxious attachment disorder." The root of that would go back to childhood and whatever happened between yourself and your parents right from the beginning of birth. However, I am only speculating because there is no way I can know.
However, it is clear that your anxiety and worry make you feel miserable but you feel helpless to do anything about it. That is why I am urging you to get into psychotherapy. If I am correct then it is really important that you learn to become more secure in a relationship and that you learn to trust the other person.
Best of Luck