My girlfriend has never really enjoyed sex before…then she met me. We found the Big-O together, but there’s a problem. I think she suffers from Arousal Disorder. She doesn’t self-lubricate, no matter how much foreplay I try (and believe me, I’ve tried!!!). She didn’t explore herself in adolescence, as most people do. She has had bad relationships before, in which she got violently blamed for having this problem, and has deep feelings of sexual inadequacy.
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It sounds like Female Sexual Arousal Disorder (FSAD) to me. FSAD is comprised of a persistent or recurrent inability to attain, or to maintain until completion of the sexual activity, an adequate lubrication-swelling response of sexual excitement. Contrary to popular belief, a lack of lubrication is not always caused from a failure to be aroused. To the best of my knowledge, the exact causes of female sexual arousal disorder are not known. It has been associated with illness, a lack of the hormone estrogen, and side effects from medications. Possible psychological explanations include guilt, hostility, and anxiety. Are the two of you able to openly discuss this matter? Often times women who experience Female Arousal Disorder feel inadequate. Let her know that this is not her fault and that it is not something she should be ashamed of. As you are probably already aware, there are products available for this problem. Various creams and jellys are suitable lubricants (make sure you check out whether or not they’re compatible with condoms, if condoms are what you’re using for birth control). I suggest that during her next visit, she discuss this matter with her gynecologist. Perhaps he/she will be better able to point your girlfriend in the right direction. Hope things work out, – Anne