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Ba! Humbug! Husband

Question:

How should I respond to a wonderful husband who refuses to acknowledge any type of thoughtful gift giving for holidays, special occasions like birthdays, xmas, and valentines? I try to put it out of my mind but I have to admit I think that the excuse is that he doesn’t believe in the marketing’ gimicks of holidays etc; but, he could still make thoughful gestures to celebrate someone ‘special’ to him. He seems to enjoy when other people, including myself, celebrate and give him gifts, cards or special meals. I repress my disappointment and figure it’s (I am) not that important, but it just builds especially when I hear about the thoughtful attempts of others. I know I can always take care of myself but it would be nice to think he wanted to celebrate me. I am in a catch 22, if I bring up the subject with more than a subtle hint I risk spoiling the whole thing – I would like him to be thoughtful on his own not because I asked him.

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

I think the best way to handle your situation is to talk about it with your husband. He needs to know that you appreciate a little special treatment every once in a while. You may let him know that you’ve grown up loving holiday gift-giving, surprises, special dinners, etc, and you really miss those times. He may not know that you are disappointed, and until you talk with him about it, he won’t know that a change may be in order. You might even inform him of when others receive really special things, and let him know how you felt about it. For instance, you could tell him how a friend looked so happy and appreciated. You could emphasize how the gift-giver looked all over for the special gift or remembered that the gift was something that your friend mentioned they needed a long time ago. Let him know how thoughtful you felt the gift-giver was, and how you really admire that in a person. Hope that helps. Anne

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Comments
  • kunk

    I know what you mean my husband has neither bought me anything for any special times! It sucks yet I pay a thousand dollars for him a R-15 for V-day. And he wouldn't buy me anything and it was my money! I even asked him too! Still nothing! He also very into his beer. Every speical holiday is getting so drunk he gets to the point where he can't even unstand what I ask, tell, or explain to him. We've been together for five years and married for a year next month! We one child together and my son before we meet. I've left him about twelve times hopeing he would change his ways. He ust to phically abusive me, mentally, and emontionally. I came back with him three months ago, I left him for six months. Didn't let him have any contact with our five month old daughter. I rencently found out that right after we got married and right after we gave birth to our daughter, he cheated on me three times with three women. Thinking everything was okay for a few months now its back to no sex, no talkin to each other if it isn't about the weather, and back to the abusive. All of him family and friends not only knew that he cheated, and I left my family and can't have any contact with any of them, but his family and friends look at me as the bad person because I left when he'd cheated, hit me, ect. I quit my job to finally be a stay at home mom, because I was the one who was working, cleaning, being mommy, best wife I could, and a nice person to his judgeing family. He saved me from my living situation right after I had my son, and been mistreated by him to run back too the bad. But I feel like if I stay with him I'm either going to go crazy or he's going to murder me. He's been charged with hitting me plenty of times. I'm always at home (which is in the middle of nowhere alabama), he's always go to do 'something'. Like yardwork with his father, or probation ext. He never wants me to go and that's how he cheated last time. Emails, going to vistit family in atl but going to see old sex buddys. I'm a reck, and my kids don't deverse this fu*** up life either! I'm badly depressed, no money, no car, no caring family or freinds of my own (he ran them all off), think now I'm bipolar also! My life is messed up BAD and it all his fault any advice?!

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