How should I respond to a wonderful husband who refuses to acknowledge any type of thoughtful gift giving for holidays, special occasions like birthdays, xmas, and valentines? I try to put it out of my mind but I have to admit I think that the excuse is that he doesn’t believe in the marketing’ gimicks of holidays etc; but, he could still make thoughful gestures to celebrate someone ‘special’ to him. He seems to enjoy when other people, including myself, celebrate and give him gifts, cards or special meals. I repress my disappointment and figure it’s (I am) not that important, but it just builds especially when I hear about the thoughtful attempts of others. I know I can always take care of myself but it would be nice to think he wanted to celebrate me. I am in a catch 22, if I bring up the subject with more than a subtle hint I risk spoiling the whole thing – I would like him to be thoughtful on his own not because I asked him.
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I think the best way to handle your situation is to talk about it with your husband. He needs to know that you appreciate a little special treatment every once in a while. You may let him know that you’ve grown up loving holiday gift-giving, surprises, special dinners, etc, and you really miss those times. He may not know that you are disappointed, and until you talk with him about it, he won’t know that a change may be in order. You might even inform him of when others receive really special things, and let him know how you felt about it. For instance, you could tell him how a friend looked so happy and appreciated. You could emphasize how the gift-giver looked all over for the special gift or remembered that the gift was something that your friend mentioned they needed a long time ago. Let him know how thoughtful you felt the gift-giver was, and how you really admire that in a person. Hope that helps. Anne