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Battling A Weight Problem

Question:

I have been battling a weight problem for years. My husband has constantly questioned me as to why I could not be successful like other women. I have recently come to terms with some hurt from the past. I feel like I can finally beat my issue of having a weight problem. However, at the same time, my husband has the need to play mixed doubles tennis. I am very jealous and asked him not to. He said I am over-reacting. I feel like this is a real kick in the teeth. Am I over-reacting, or do I have a legitimate reason to feel hurt? Regardless, he is playing tennis.

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

I have to admit, I am disappointed in your husband’s lack of understanding for your weight problem, which is a problem quite uncommon and difficult to overcome for many people. And, by comparing you with “other women” he has made you feel inferior, which by doing so, has probably instigated the jealous feelings you have toward his tennis partners. Either your husband has no idea how to motivate, or he is being downright cruel, neither of which will help your problem. Weight problems are oftentimes symptoms of higher level problems, such as low self-esteem, a difficult relationship, and stress. It seems to me that although you have stated that you have recently come to terms with some hurt from the past, you still are hurting from your husband’s reaction to your feelings about him playing mixed doubles. This needs to be addressed. Has your husband ever asked you to play tennis with him? If so, he may be feeling like you are being the stubborn one. If not, I would find out why. If it is simply your lack of tennis experience, quite possibly, you could take lessons and learn, which would also be great exercise to promote your weight-loss goal. You also need to consider that you are asking your husband to quit doing something he really enjoys, which may be making him feel resentful. Present him with other activities that you both can enjoy doing together, and make him feel like you are also willing to give a little, too. I hope this helps, – Anne

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Comments
  • Catrina

    I am also battling my weight. the problem is that I am married to a very thin man who comes from a very thin family. If your husband is anything like mine he may just not understand why you are the way you are, and why you feel the way you do. It took me a long time to make my husband understand me. First thing is that I laid down the ground rules. #1. Never yalk to me with anything but complete respect whether you agree with my choices or not. #2. Everyone has issues yours are....Which I don't throw in your face and mine is my weight, which you will not throw in my face. And the rules all go on like that... They are all mutual! Finally have him take a look at you and where you come from, and explain to him how you got where you are. Then if needed you can point out some of his traits and where he got them. This gives him comparison. This usually helps balance the scales a bit, and husbands don't get the point automatically, you have to give it to them in terms they understand. He should be more understanding, and certainly more respectful after this. I do not stop my husband from doing whtat he likes just because I can't or won't. I just do my thing and we compare notes later. Gives us time apart and something to talk about. Other women are not the enemy if a husband is going to cheat, he will find a way.

  • Anonymous-1

    If your weight issue is a problem for your husband then it should be a problem for you as well. Most people want their spouses to live as long as they can. Not only health wise but it also affects physical attraction between a couple. Why is it your issue but not his????

  • Erin

    Your husband sounds like a fu**** as**** who is self centered and has some serious problems of his own. bottom line.

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