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Bosom Buddies

Question:

Hi. How do you know if your hubby is bi or gay? He has a friend and they play guitars and sing..they get totally into each other and forget anybody else is around…hubby took me to the ocean for a romantic weekend..he called his friend 4 times while we were there! Everywhere we go, camping, anything! this guy has to be invited. There is never any couple time that doesn’t involve him…I’ve tried talking to hubby but he gets mad and defensive. Any advice?

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

It’s funny. Most women I know wish their husbands or boyfriends had more good male friends. I understand here, however, that the degree of intimacy between your husband and his friend is excessive, and that the fact that he spends little or no private time with you is disturbing. It seems quite normal to me that you’d be jealous and hurt and feeling that the situation is a bit odd. I don’t think there is enough information in your letter to begin speculating about your husband’s sexuality, but it is safe to say that he is not being a good partner to you in your heterosexual relationship. Basically, he has withdrawn from you and is acting like a bachelor. A married couple ideally should be partners in sexual, emotional and social senses, and your relationship is not meeting up to this standard. My advice is my standard advice: take the two of you to marriage counseling please. You can’t talk with him without him getting defensive. A marriage counselor may be able to better facilitate communication between you both. Good luck.

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