I’m 21 years old and I never thought I would be doing something like this. I’ve been dating this girl for a little over a year now. We loved each other so much. I still love her. She went out to Colorado for the Summer, and she says that she really doesn’t want to be in a relationship. I don’t understand how love can fade like that. I’m miserable now, I feel lonely and heartbroken. I don’t know what to do.
- ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
- ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Getting dumped by your first serious love (am I wrong in assuming that this was your first serious love?) is just about the most painful thing a person can go through. I can remember when this sort of thing happened to me, and most of the people I know have similar painful memories. When you are young, you love with a particular intensity. When that love comes apart, it can feel like there will be no tomorrow. It is a rite of passage to go through this experience, it would seem. The situation sucks, but you live through it. Please trust that things will get better. Time will put a distance between you and this wound. For the meantime, assess your situation. You may love this girl, but will you love yourself if you pursue her when she doesn’t want to be with you anymore? If you can’t feel good about what you are doing, it isn’t worth much doing it, at least in affairs of the heart. Life is short. Don’t drag out your mourning if you don’t need to. Make an active decision to break off with her if you need to (don’t act like a passive and abandoned victim or you are likely to become one). Or, if you think it will help, pursue the relationship until it is clearer how things will turn out. You’ll learn from your actions, either way. Best of luck in this difficult time.