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Can We Be Friends?

Question:

I shared a very intense, somewhat unstable relationship with a man for several years. We were together on and off, but about two years ago I finally told him that I wanted no further contact from him; I couldn’t handle the drama any more. I hate to admit that I still do love this man, and cutting off contact with him was very painful, but I know that he is unhealthy for me and I need to move on. He ignored my request for no contact, and would e-mail me periodically, at first to tell me how much he hated me for making that decision, but more recently now to tell me about how happy he is with his life and new girlfriend, etc. A few weeks ago he wrote and told me that they are getting married. He said that he will always care about me, and wants to remain in contact and be friends. I am absolutely devastated by this news, and I don’t know what to make of his request to be friends. I am currently in a very healthy, strong relationship myself, but this news from my ex is seriously impairing my ability to to enjoy my own relationship. What should I do?

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

It sounds as though you still have strong feelings for your ex, but you need to concentrate on your own relationship now. Of course you probably will still have feelings for him, and it hurts when you hear that an ex is doing well and getting married. You did the right thing to end an unhealthy relationship. Do you really want to be friends with him? It sounds to me that when he e-mails you, he only tries to rub his good life in your face. If you decide you want to be friends with him, he may keep saying things like that. In my opinion, I would stay away from him, and focus on my new relationship. Sometimes the things that are best for us hurt us the most. Eventually you will get over it and move on. But of course it is your decision. It seems that your new relationship is healthy and doing well. Work on that! Best of luck, – Anne

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Comments
  • Anonymous

    Hi, I'm 12 years old, i recently discovered i had been living with depression for over a year, but without realising it. My Mum made a joke about how me going to bed a lot may mean i have depression, so i tested myself on several sites, and couldn't believe my eyes. I had moderate to severe depression. I found that this was because my school was treating me like dirt, If i talked to my friend about a maths problem, they would move us to literally opposite ends of the classroom although there were heaps of other girls talking about their weekend really loudly. My Best friend and i were rudely informed that we wern't allowed to sit together, and "we knew why". We had previously not been allowed to sit together, but our mentor said that she sent around an email saying we were. I don't feel that my family likes me anymore, my dad lives on the otherside of the world, and my mum never has time for me. I don't know if this is the right category for me, but i don't want to tell my friends or family because i don't think they will believe me, or care. I have all the symptoms of depression, and desperatley need help. The only time that i am not a wreck is when i am with my friends. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!! Sincerely, Young & Restless

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