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Carol-Ann Writes:


This is my second time for asking advice of you. The last was about my fiance and his UFO experiences. This is still about him though. He has been violent to me in the past and I have found out from another internet person, that he has been writing to her since before he and I met. I saw an e-mail message from her to him and the subject was I love you. It was on his screen when I walked up. Well I wrote her and asked questions, she said he told her he would get his bills paid and would come down to where she is in a year. Well he has been living with me since November 96 and had asked me to marry him. He is violent when confronted with his lies, and he still insists he isn’t interested in anyone else. Is it possible he is so psychotic that he even believes he IS telling the truth??? I have a protective order against him now and he no longer lives with me. He will be seeing a psychiatrist in June. Can he get well? Is it possible to change this lifelong pattern? Or should I just keep running??? He is only 21, I would hate to see the future, from what I’ve seen so far and I understand from him he has had a hard childhood. Please clue me in on this kind of person. Thanks, Carol-Ann

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First of all, I’d like to congratulate you for looking out for yourself! Your safety should be your number one priority. Only time will tell whether or not his problems are psychologically based. It sounds as though this guy has a lot of growing up to do. It is very easy to invest all your time in a relationship such as yours. Don’t lose yourself in his problems. It is possible for people to change, but they have to want to change themselves; you cannot make them change. Take this time to focus on yourself, and let him work on the changes that he needs to make. He needs to realize that the problems stem from his actions, and he will only do so if you’re not there to reinforce his behavior. You may want to check out some online resources for relationships. Good luck with everything. – Anne

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