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Cheating, Story No. 2,901

Question:

About seven months ago, I caught my husband with another woman on two separate occasions. Our marriage has been rocky for the last 15 years off and on out of 21. He says they are only friends, but I feel differently. This has caused several blowouts with each other the last being almost 3 weeks ago. I made him move out 5 weeks ago and want him to come home as I love him deeply. He doesn’t want to talk about the problem and I tell him to please leave me alone by not stoping by or phoning but after a day or two he will call. We have a 13 year old but this is not the reason he calls me. He is keeping me on an emotional roller coaster and does tell me that a divorce is a life-long decision and he doesn’t know what he wants for sure. I am going crazy not knowing what he wants for sure since this has been going on for the last seven months. Please give me some clue as how to handle this situation, I just don’t know how to get him to tell me what he wants.

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

I think you know how to handle it, but you’re just looking for reassurance and support for your decision. Your decision was to have him move out, and as far as I can tell — as long as he isn’t willing to discuss, work on the problem, and actually change his behaviors — it was the right decision to make. Stick to your guns! A person who would truly care about you and your happiness would be willing to try and change a behavior which seriously hurts you and hurts the marriage. Until he’s willing to make the effort to change, you should file for that divorce. There are men out there who do care for women and don’t cheat on them. Hopefully, you’ll eventually find one. Take care, – Anne

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