I am a 21 year old college student. I have a confidence problem. My grades are poor and I can’t seem to find my niche. I have recently stopped using drugs and hope my mood will improve. I am told very often that I am an attractive guy but never date. I rarely smile and my father says I’m “vanilla” – bland. I know that no one will love me until I love myself, so how can I start feeling confident and go out and get the life I want rather than waiting for it to fall into my lap? Thanks Doctor.
- Dr. Dombeck responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Dombeck intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Dombeck to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Dombeck, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Dombeck and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Get some social support. I recommend the twelve step fellowship for your former drug of choice (which may be Narcotics Anonymous, or Alcoholics Anonymous). “Stick with the winners” when you get there (Stay away from people who relapse), and attend meetings regularly. After a while, get involved in running the meetings. This will accomplish two things for you: 1) it will get you out and interacting with other people. You’ll be able to form friendships and have success experiences (small ones count very much!). 2) It will help you to stay sober. A past drug problem, and a present confidence problem are a setup for a relapse to using drugs again if you don’t take precautions. You can have a bright future ahead of you, but you will be greatly aided by the support of others in making it come true.