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Dealing With Divorce

Question:

I am a 19 year old whose parents have recently divorced. I have 2 younger brothers 18, and 11. I was wondering if you have any advice or general steps that children can go through to help them talk about and work through their parents divorce.

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

There are few things harder to deal with than your parent’s divorce. Divorce cuts at the very roots of your feelings of security. I don’t know exactly what a professional would recommend in terms of what to do first vs. second in this case. However, one thing is abundantly clear from my experience: talking about the divorce and the feelings it generates openly and honestly and as fearlessly as can be managed is what will make the difference between healing and not healing. Frequently, divorcing parents are not separating on the best of terms. Sometimes parents’ anger is expressed by one parent putting down the other. This is particularly bad for the children who need to be able to love both of their parents. For this reason try speaking with someone who is not taking sides with one or the other parent (a counselor, a trusted family member or a friend) as well as to your parents. Talk about the divorce, and your feelings towards the divorce and how it is changing your lives. Good Luck!

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