i have typed in here before. Don’t even know anybody. But its nice to talk to people who understand to some extent first hand what your going thru. I am coming to the lowest point of my depression. No energy, thoughts of death, not caring about anything. Taking things like cough syrup just to make me sleep early, cause I do not want to stay awake. wanting to drink alcohol to make me forget. Wanting to do anything to make me forget my thoughts, and stop thinking. I am scheduled next week to go into therapy. I feel like a hypocrite in a way. i respond to message posts writing positive things like don’t give up and stuff. But i am a hypocrite. it is somewhat scary how depressed i have become. i do not want to be around anybody, except my boyfriend. My cousin came over today, i haven’t seen her in a while, and i just wanted her to go. I dropped out of nursing school cuz i was flunking. My life has become really pathetic. sometimes i feel i am just taking up space on this earth and just being a burden to everyone around me. i am so tired of it all
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There is no need for despair. You would seem quite depressed right now. When people are depressed, the depression changes how they think. Suicidal thoughts, wanting to sleep, wanting to forget, wanting to be alone and withdrawn, feeling like you are a hypocrite and punishing yourself for it, being consumed with negativity; these are all part of what it means to be depressed. It is a good thing that you are getting into therapy. Therapy is the right place to be when you are depressed. A sincere and heartfelt good for you to you. If you haven’t already made an appointment to be seen by a psychiatrist (or at least a family physician) about your depression, please consider doing so now. There are medicines that can help you pull out of this faster than just therapy alone. They can help you, but you will have to be seen by an MD to get them, and you’ll have to give them a few weeks to do their work. Most of the time you won’t be the first to notice that they are working either. Your friends and family will notice, but you may not notice. So don’t trust your own judgment about your mood too quickly. Instead, ask someone who knows you well if they notice a change.