Im 18 years old, and I really hate life. For tha last two years, i cant really think of anything great happening. every day now, my mood seems to change in instants. sometimes it happens 10 times a day, sometimes never. the most common of the moods i feel are fear, anger, but mostly depression. I have considered suicide in the past, but i have never let these feelings bet get the best of me. It feels as if im fighting something. I feel like i’m sure theres something wrong, and that if i try hard enough, i can control it. The moods seem to be triggered to bad events. After something happens, i’ll get mad, then scared, then depressed, sometimes i can rationalize it, and i end up feeling better. I rarely end up feeling happy, but it does happen. I also have difficult time concentrating at work. Please help me to find out what I can do so solve this problem.
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The answer to your earnest question is Yes, you have a mental health problem and it’s called Depression. The fact that you admit to having suicidal thoughts means that your depression is serious and needs to be treated just as soon as possible. You are a young person and have your whole life ahead of you. While you may hate life at the moment I can assure you that once you are over this depression you will think and feel in ways that are much more optimistic.
It is quite normal for people to try to convince themselves that, with effort and determination, they can overcome their depression. This thinking is a variation on the theme that there is no such thing as depression and that all you have to do is "snap out of it." Well, there is no such thing as "snapping out of it." Does telling your self to "snap out of it" help any of us get over the flu? It would be like saying the flu is not real and neither is depression. Well, they are both real and both call for treatment of one type or another.
You mention that you work and, therefore, may have health insurance. If so, you can use your health insurance to locate a local psychiatrist on your plan and make an appointment. The psychiatrist will meet with you, diagnose the type of depression you have and prescribe medication to help relieve the awful symptoms you have been experiencing for such a long time.
In addition to medication, the psychiatrist will recommend psychotherapy. The purpose of psychotherapy will be to help you both understand your depression as well as how to control and reduce its symptoms. The key to handling depression is to utilize both medication and psychotherapy.
If you do not have insurance then there is likely to be a nearby mental health clinic that will be happy to see you and help you at affordable fees. In addition, there is always your family doctor who can recommend a psychiatrist. If that is not affordable, your family doctor can treat your depression himself with medication. However, I strongly recommend a psychiatrist for the medicine part of it because that is his expertise. Then, follow up with a clinical psychologist or licensed clinical social worker for the psychotherapy.
One final note: If you feel in danger of attempting suicide please go to the emergency room of your nearest hospital and report this to them. They will help keep you safe and will get you the kind of help you need to overcome these problems.
Best of Luck