I am 23 years old. For the past seven years, due to several problems in my life, I had serious thoughts of suicide and I self harm myself. The intensity of self-harm and suicide thoughts has increased considerably with time. I know that, for the time being, even though i hav suicidal thoughts of slashing my wrists, I dont have the courage to make a fatal cut. But, I am afraid that I might overcome this and wil eventually get the courage to do so. Once I tried an overdose of medicines, but since the medicines weren’t strong enough, I just ended up feeling dizzy.
I cannot control my emotions sometimes and lose control over my temper to some extent. I always think it would be really nice if I died somehow. I even pray to God to kill me. Sometimes, when I am facing some problem, I just want to be unconscious or to have a dead brain so that I will not hav to feel this pain. But otherwise, when I am with my parents or friends, I am happy but, at the same time, I am lonely too.
It’s not that I always sit alone and think up suicide thoughts. It’s not like that. I am very happy at times but I cannot even face small problems nowadays. The first thing that comes to my mind is why am I alive? I should be dead. I very much want to talk about my problems to a doctor but I come frm a conservative Indian family and I won’t be able to see a doctor myself. My parents wil have to take me. But I can’t even think about letting my parents know about these problems of mine. That’s why I am writing this to you.
Do I suffer from depression or any other type of mental illness? Is it necessary that I seek medical help? Am I just exaggerating things?
I was on the verge of getting sexually abused wen I was a child. However, nothing happened. Even though I didn’t realize it at that time, later on, when I grew up, I felt bad about it.
Is this a possible reason for my problems? I had problems with my studies and now I am recovering from a break up with my lover. I am not able to handle any problems without thinking of suicide. As for self-harm, I make small cuts on my skin and bang my head on walls or bang my head myself strongly with my hands. I feel extremely guilty for this problem of mine and want to stop this but i am helpless. I don’t have control over this.
Please give me an answer as soon as possible.
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Everything you describe is typical of depression. The only question is what type of depression? There is Major Depression and there is the type of depression associated with Bipolar Disorder. Regardless of the type, your situation is extremely serious.
Of course, India is a nation that remains basically follows the traditional way of life that has characterized it for centuries. Consequently, your relationship with your parents is different from what it would be like had you grown up in the Western World, such as the United States, France, United Kingdom and etc. Yet, you are a twenty three old man and should be able to see a medical doctor without the consent of your parents. Or, even if you need their consent, they do have to tell them why you must see the doctor. In any case, by seeing a medical doctor, you could explain what is happening to you. At the very least, the doctor might be able to prescribe anti depressant medications for you.
However you go about getting help, including telling your parents about this, getting that help is an absolute must. It is very clear that you are suicidal and in danger of hurting yourself. The fact that you once made a suicide attempt is extremely alarming. The fact that the pills you took were mild it was still a suicide attempt and could have ended tragically.
You are a yong man with your entire life in front of you. The fact that you are in extreme emotional pain only means that there is urgency about reaching out for help. Today, depression is very treatable. There is no need to walk around feeling so terrible. The tragedy of suicide is that, once it happens, the ability to get help is over. This tragedy is further underlined by the fact that suffering is no longer necessary.
I don’t know what type of psychotherapy is available in India but it would be best if you could be treated with a combination of medication and therapy. However, medication would be of great help to you in relieving these awful feelings.
I want to point out that you could be feeling worse right now because you are no longer with your lover. That is always a difficult thing to go through. However, you are clearly depressed separate and apart from that.
Please, even if you have to tell your parents about your depression, it is better than risking hurting yourself.
One more note. I realize that you might be living in the United States or some similar country. Even though your family is traditional, that affords you more freedom to reach out for help. Be that as it may, you must get help and I cannot repeat this too many times.
Perhaps being almost abused as a child is part of the reason for your depression. However, at the moment, all that really matters is that you are seriously depressed and suicidal.
Please get help.