Need help breaking free from addiction?
1-888-993-3112
Call 24/7 for treatment options. Who Answers?

Do You Know What's Wrong With Me?

Question:

Let me start off by saying I love animals, and I’m usually very kind. But lately I’ve been having these urges. We just found a kitten, and it kept jumping on my bare leg, meowing. It’s just driving me insane. So I picked it up and slung it, and laughed. It didn’t get hurt, but I wanted it to.

I keep having these really bad, horrible, unnatural thoughts about murder and suicide. And the words, “Kill, you’re a murderer, kill a thousand, you’re a victor, kill them all, and you’re God.” I stay angry, at everyone, even you and I don’t even know you, and I feel pissed off.

My mom recently abandoned me over her drug addict boyfriend, neglecting my autistic brother, and I really just hate the world. And then…I’ll calm down, like my energy ran out, but the thoughts are still there, just not as intense.

So tell me, what’s wrong with me?

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
  • Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
  • Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

Your Email is very worrisome because you seem to have gone beyond angry thoughts into action. For example, the fact that you slung your kitten and hoped it would be injured, means that you are acting on your angry fantasies and wishes. I realize that you are alarmed about this which is why you have posted your Email. Also, your behavior was very impulsive. Impulsivity is dangerous because it means that there is no thinking before acting. That is why people feel awful after acting impulsively. They regret the consequences of what they have done. You do not want to be in that situation.

It is certainly understandable that you are angry given your mother’s irresponsible actions. To leave you and her autistic son is outrageous and tragic. However, there is nothing to be done about it. You must realize that, by acting upon you angry feelings, you are helping neither yourself nor your brother. Remember, there is a big difference between thinking angry and actually acting on angry feelings, not to mention suicidal thinking.

Because I firmly believe you need help with this I want to strongly urge you to talk to a psychotherapist or to your medical doctor, explain what has been happening, and get help in learning how to control your anger. If you do not have a medical doctor then you can go to the local hospital emergency room and report the situation including your violent feelings and they will get you help.

Beyond the fact that you are very angry and feeling impulsive, it is not clear what is wrong with you. Perhaps you are experiencing Major Depression or even some form of Bipolar Disorder. Just to repeat, whatever it is that is wrong, you need help with it. Please do not delay. You do not want to hurt anyone else and you do not want to  hurt yourself.

Best of Luck

More "Ask Dr. Schwartz" View Columnists

Close

Call the Helpline Toll-FREE

To Get Treatment Options Now.

1-888-993-3112 Who Answers? 100% Confidential

Get Help For You or a Loved One Here...

Click Here for More Info.

Close

Call The Toll-FREE Helpline 24/7 To Get Treatment Options Now.

100% Confidential
Get Treatment Options From Your Phone... Tap to Expand