hi, we have a 32 year old son, who in the last couple of years has been using drugs. i am very naive in this area, i am not sure what drugs he is using. we have tried to help him, he went to rehab a couple of times, but obviously didn’t work. he is always phoning for money, and i was stupid enough to give it to him. he has no job now or anywhere to live. he is not allowed to stay at our house anymore, because he has stolen from us, and broken in to the house while we were away. i don’t know what to do anymore or where to go for help. he appears to be getting desperate and he scares me now. what can we do?
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First of all, don’t be so hard on yourself. You love your son and of course you want to take care of him as best you can. It is easy to let your loving and concerned feelings make you into an enabler of his drug addiction. You aren’t the first parent to make this mistake, and you certainly won’t be the last.
p> Because your son is an adult, there is actually little you can do to influence his choices and behavior. You can express to him that you love him, you can tell him that he needs help and you can point him towards that help. You cannot force him to take advantage of that help, however, and you cannot save him from the consequences of his poor choices either.
p> Something you can do for yourself and your own sanity is to get yourself involved with a group like Al Anon. Al Anon is a group for family members of alcoholics, based on the twelve step traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. Al Anon can offer you support from peers who are dealing with the same sorts of problems you are dealing with, and time-tested guidelines for dealing with addicted family members that will help keep you from being taken advantage of.