Need help breaking free from addiction?
1-888-993-3112
Call 24/7 for treatment options. Who Answers?

He's Married...

Question:

I am a single 25 year-old. This summer I met a wonderful man, only to discover that he is married and has a daughter. We became intimately involved for a brief time as we were on holidays. We both returned to our homes after a beautiful week. He lives thousands of miles away. I could easily deal with the fact that it happened. But I received an e-mail from him the first couple of days back home. My initial reply to him was a farewell (that I could not allow the relationship to continue, that it was only a dream), but he called me the next day and begged me to continue corresponding with him. He said all he could think about was me and why not live the dream. So, after a long talk I agreed. We’ve been communicating by e-mail and on the phone for almost 2 months now. He says he is unhappy at home and that he stopped loving his wife about a year ago. He says he doesn’t leave because he fears his wife would be unreasonable and he would lose his daughter. In his letters he tells me that he cares for me and that he can’t wait to see me. I always refuse to go see him because he is still married. We both agreed that we regretted sleeping together (one time). This whole thing seems harmless enough because we’re only talking, but we’re talking about the future and how things might be. My heart loves this and wants it, but my morals and mind tell me it’s wrong. Am I just living in a dream-world? Is he just a sweet-talker? Am I crazy? I feel terribly confused. Please let me know what you think.

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
  • ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

As much as I hate to admit it, more time than not, situations such as yours tend to end in heart-break. You are at a wonderful age – you are old enough to recognize love when it hits you, but young enough to keep your options open. What makes you think he will ever leave his wife…? He will always be under the threat of losing his daughter…especially while he continues to correspond with you. Don’t close yourself off to others…I suggest that you get out there and continue to date and meet people. Chances are that you will meet someone that you care just as deeply for, and is not married. Before you know it, five years will have gone by and you’ll still be waiting for him to leave his wife. If he cares about his daughter that much, why is he doing the one thing that is sure to hurt him in a custody battle? Take care, – Anne

More "Ask Anne" View Columnists

Close

Call the Helpline Toll-FREE

To Get Treatment Options Now.

1-888-993-3112 Who Answers? 100% Confidential

Get Help For You or a Loved One Here...

Click Here for More Info.

Close

Call The Toll-FREE Helpline 24/7 To Get Treatment Options Now.

100% Confidential
Get Treatment Options From Your Phone... Tap to Expand