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He's Married...

Question:

I am a single 25 year-old. This summer I met a wonderful man, only to discover that he is married and has a daughter. We became intimately involved for a brief time as we were on holidays. We both returned to our homes after a beautiful week. He lives thousands of miles away. I could easily deal with the fact that it happened. But I received an e-mail from him the first couple of days back home. My initial reply to him was a farewell (that I could not allow the relationship to continue, that it was only a dream), but he called me the next day and begged me to continue corresponding with him. He said all he could think about was me and why not live the dream. So, after a long talk I agreed. We’ve been communicating by e-mail and on the phone for almost 2 months now. He says he is unhappy at home and that he stopped loving his wife about a year ago. He says he doesn’t leave because he fears his wife would be unreasonable and he would lose his daughter. In his letters he tells me that he cares for me and that he can’t wait to see me. I always refuse to go see him because he is still married. We both agreed that we regretted sleeping together (one time). This whole thing seems harmless enough because we’re only talking, but we’re talking about the future and how things might be. My heart loves this and wants it, but my morals and mind tell me it’s wrong. Am I just living in a dream-world? Is he just a sweet-talker? Am I crazy? I feel terribly confused. Please let me know what you think.

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

As much as I hate to admit it, more time than not, situations such as yours tend to end in heart-break. You are at a wonderful age – you are old enough to recognize love when it hits you, but young enough to keep your options open. What makes you think he will ever leave his wife…? He will always be under the threat of losing his daughter…especially while he continues to correspond with you. Don’t close yourself off to others…I suggest that you get out there and continue to date and meet people. Chances are that you will meet someone that you care just as deeply for, and is not married. Before you know it, five years will have gone by and you’ll still be waiting for him to leave his wife. If he cares about his daughter that much, why is he doing the one thing that is sure to hurt him in a custody battle? Take care, – Anne

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Comments
  • CYRANKA

    DEAR. My advice is RUN! IT SEEMS TO YOU THAT YOU CAN CONTROL WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. It not true and you know it. No metter how innocent it seems to you at this momment you are already trapped in your feeling for this guy? tell me -can you walk away? like really? you love so much the way he is making you feel huh? innocent talks, sweet phone calls only leading to be more than romanticly involved. if so, first - he is never leaving his wife, second, you are beyond your control, you are the women, emotionally you going to get sucked in. and then years will go by. trust me you not going to look like this when you 30 or 35 years old. time will go faster that you think. Years will go on hoping, and crying, trying to pull away. you will break up and you come back to him. you will love him and will hate yourself for what you have let him to do to you. and then you will know that it is beyond your power to break away. you will be praying for a power or magic force letting you forget your nightmare and live normal life. and all this time you will hear everything you want hear that he loves you more than anything on the world, that you are the best, only when you will be going to bed at night, you be alone, christmass he will be with her perhaps huh? up to you girl. I know that i am right and i know that you wont listen. but maybe one day u will think about me and will start to pray. and i hope that God will be mercifull to you. good luck

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