I have lost all meaning to life, I hate myself, I hate everything and everyone around me, I find pleasure in pain and I just want to be happy again.
I try to be happy but school is really hard, my parents, who have been divorced for 4 years and have new partners, still fight with each other even though they live 5 hours away. I always feel ugly, fat, useless and basically I find every reason to hate myself and I don’t know what to do. I can hardly sleep anymore, I hurt myself all the time, I try to isolate myself from the world and I feel as if everyone is watching me, judging me, looking at me with hate and I just want to wake up from this nightmare to a happy me again…
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
For many people, adolescense can be the worst and most difficult stage of life. Judging from your E.Mail, you have many reasons for feeling sad and depressed. It isn’t enough that your parents are divorced. They continue to argue and, in so doing, appear to have little regard for how this affects you. In addition, each of your parents now has a new partner and this must be difficult for you.
The adolescent stage of life is also a time when young people become self conscious about their appearance. Finding fault with one’s body is fairly common for this age.
Despite all of these problems, the awful feelings you are experience go beyond what the average teenager experiences. Basically, your E.Mail leads me to guess that you are very depressed. Difficulty in sleeping, thinking you are being watched, thinking that you are fat and ugly and hating yourself are all symptoms of depression. Self harm is your way of trying to cope with all you are going through.
I have no way of knowing but, I keep having the thought that you are along with all of this. I just get the impression that you are suffering in silence and no one is noticing anything is wrong.
If you can possibly speak to your parents and let them know how horrible you feel they, perhaps, will send you for psychological help. I hope so. Besides, it’s always better to have some one to speak to. If you feel close to at least one parent, it would be better for you to share your problems.
If neither parent is able to understand, you can speak to your guidance counselor at school or to the school psychologist, let them know what is happening and ask for help. I know this can be difficult to do but you deserve the chance to get help.
The help I am referring to is psychotherapy. There are many excellent therapists who work with teenagers and will be really skillful in listening to and helping you get over this painful period of your life.
I will be honest in expressing the concern that you may be thinking of suicide. If I am right, remember that it really solves nothing. Whether you are or not, you deserve to be able to wake up from this nightmare, as you say, and feel happy.
Please ask for help now. You can be helped and you do not need to be alone with all of this. After all, these problems are not your fault and I fear that you may think so. It’s common to blame ourselves for our parents problems.
Ask for help and feel better.