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Help With My Husband

Question:

My Husband is an alcholic and will not get help. But, in the last five years he has been getting progressively worse and in the past 2 years he lies all the time and says he is working but he is not. I have found him sleeping in different areas and also at bars. I last found him in a bar at 8 in the morning. I had to threaten him to go to our Dr. and the Dr. put him on medication last week. He still just sleeps and he came home today drunk. What else can I do? He will not go to the psychologist the Dr. Referred him to. Please help. I’m trying to sell my home and do all the work needed before we go into foreclosure. Please help me.

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Answer:

Unfortunately, you find yourself in an all too familiar situation. Based on my past experiences with this problem as a therapist I have to suppose that you will not like what I am about to advise but I have to state my best professional opinion. Here it is:

Your husband does not the the Medical Doctor and he does not need a psychologist, at least, not yot. The only hope for your husband is to go into a detox program, and there are many, or start attending meetings at Alcoholics Anonymous. The general rule that AA suggests for people like your husband is to attend 100 meetings for 100 days, in a row. In fact, he should go to more than one meeting each day. However, each day counts as one until he puts together 100 days in a row of sobriety while attending AA for at least once each day. He also needs to get a sponsor at AA.

For yourself, it is important to attend Alanon meetings so that you can learn to disconnect yourself from taking any responsibility for your husband’s drinking.

Here is the part that I expect you will not like:
Your husband must make his own decision about no longer drinking, if he ever makes that decision. All you can do is inform him directly and honestly that if he does not stop drinking and if he does not go to detox and/or AA meetings you will divorce him. You must really mean it and carry it through when he continues drinking.

You cannot save your husband. Only he can do that and only if he wants to. He has three loves in his life: 1. Alcohol, 2. Alcohol and 3. Alcohol. Does he love you? I cannot tell you. I only can tell you he loves alcohol and not even himself.

It is essential that you save yourself. Now, if he hears you, stops, goes to detox and AA afterwards, maybe there is hope for you marriage but "I would not bet the farm on it," and that is the part nobody wants to hear. However, alonon will help you with this.

I wish you very good luck.

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