Need help breaking free from addiction?
1-888-993-3112
Call 24/7 for treatment options. Ad Info & Options

Help

Question:

Hi,

I’m a 19 year old female. I recently moved from my mums house and moved in with my boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend lived quite far apart so we decided to move closer to where he lived and where his work is. Anyway, back at school I had lots of friends, had a couple of best friends and was very confident. Since I left school and went to college I had lost contact with almost all my friends and things started to go downhill. I felt very lonely and lacked confidence. I had one best friend and we always use to go out together. We would talk about how low we feel without any other friends and how we could make more.

I just couldn’t seem to make myself happy and felt very depressed, I cried almost everyday. 3 years later and I’m stuck in the same position. Family is great but I thought I needed a new fresh start, so now that I’ve moved, I felt a little happier because everything was new to me. now I feel very, very lonely and distant from everyone. I don’t see my family much because I live 100 miles away. My old best friend has found many friends and I feel pushed out even though we speak. I have my boyfriend but I need some friends.

I work and on my days off I sit at home feeling upset when I think of my life. My whole life I’ve never really achieved anything and I’ve lost all motivation to do anything new. My boyfriend has a lot of friends and we sometimes go out with them. When he receives texts or phone calls I kind of get jealous because I have absolutely no friends and isolated myself away from everyone.

I find it very difficult to talk to anyone new.
I don’t know who I am anymore and my life sucks. I really need some help on how I can be more sociable

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
  • Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
  • Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

The first thing I want to let you know is that, as a 19 year old female, you are much to young to feel you have not achieved anything yet. Your future is ahead of you with plenty of time to achieve whatever things goals you decide upon.

There are a couple of issues you are dealing with. First, you experienced a lot of losses at the same time. You finished High School, moved 100 miles away from home and lost your best friend because she seems to have made lots of new friends. Making the transition from High School to a new life which often means moving away and leaving old friends, is always difficult.

In addition to all of this, you are feeling very alone, isolated. I can’t help but wonder about college because you mentioned it once and not again therefore, I don’t know if you are still attending. My sense is that you are not and that may feel like a loss for you.

Lastly, you report having difficulty making knew friends. You may have a social anxiety disorder or feel very shy. In addition to the difficulty making friends, you seem to be very depressed, at least that what it seems from reading your Email.

Because you are both alone and feeling lonely, I want to urge you to go to psychotherapy. That would be a good start towards ending your isolation. It would also be a good way to begin to learn how to overcome either shyness or social avoidance, and make new friends. Making new social connections or friends, which would be one of the goals of psychotherapy, would probably relieve your depression.

In any case, it’s important to work towards meeting and socializing with new people. Perhaps there are people at work you could socialize with. School offers many possibilities for meeting new people. All of us thrive on feeling connected to others and, at the moment, you feel isolated and unconnected to people.

Best of Luck

More "Ask Dr. Schwartz" View Columnists

Close

Call the Helpline Toll-FREE

To Get Treatment Options Now.

1-888-993-3112 100% Confidential

Get Help For You or a Loved One Here...

Click Here for More Info.

Close

Call The Toll-FREE Helpline 24/7 To Get Treatment Options Now.

100% Confidential
Get Treatment Options From Your Phone... Tap to Expand