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Honesty Isn't The Best Policy

Question:

I have been in this relationship for about 3 years and we have broken up twice. This time I want to give it all I have to make it work, because we have so much in common and we really do love each other. In the past I thought honesty was the best policy, so when I would go play pool for a team once a week I would come home and tell him all about the evening, including other men that expressed interest or were just flirting. Now he says that because of that he doesn’t trust me when I go play pool on that one night of the week. I have never been with another man. Even when we were apart I stayed faithful, because I just knew I loved him. I have tried to reassure him that I love him and will always come home to him, but he still has doubts. Did I tell him too much? How can this be repaired so that it will not haunt our relationship forever?

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

Sometimes it is possible to be overly honest. There are certain things that your boyfriend does not need to know. You do not have to tell him every little detail, especially who expressed interest in you. It is possible that he is mistaking you honesty as gloating. It is normal for him to feel threatened by this. As long as nothing happened between these other men, there is no need to tell him. It’s good you realize that honesty is important in a relationship. However, you need to decide what he really needs to know. For example, tell him about how well you played pool, etc. In order to resolve this problem, you might not want to tell him everything that happened when you weren’t together, especially the men that hit on you. Also do not try so hard. Leave the first incident alone, do not bring it up anymore unless he does. And if it does come up, explain that you wanted to be completely honest with him because you did not want to mess anything up. Also let him know that you love him and would never cheat on him. Tell him the important things only. Sincerely, – Anne

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Comments
  • Anonymous-1

    I totally disagree! If someone is flirting with you or hitting on you, I think it is best to tell your boyfriend. I'm assuming you're not flirting back... if you are, just stop it. If you're not flirting back, then your boyfriend has no reason not to trust you. As far as I'm concerned, filtering what you tell each other only puts blocks in a wall between you. Of course you both don't need to know EVERYTHING. I'm sure you'd want to know if someone was flirting with him. That's a good way to know if you should tell him... would you want to know if the tables were turned? If he found out & you hadn't told him, that would breed total distrust.

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