I don’t know my own mind anymore. I have had mild bouts of depression and anxiety before(admittedly I tend to obsess about things sometimes). I obsess, I cry and it goes away within a day or two. But this has been going on over two weeks.
I cry everyday. I haven’t slept through the night in days. I’m so tired but I can’t stay asleep. I wake up thinking about work and home and everything that is going wrong and everything that can go wrong. I barely have any appetite and I have lost weight. Even my chest hurts.
I’ve been writing since I was five years old. It gives me pleasure and relaxes me. No matter what else is going on, I’ve always been able to write. But that’s gone now too. I cannot get control of my own mind and that terrifies me more than anything.
My family means well, but they think if they shout at me enough that will help me to stop obsessing. It doesn’t. It just makes me feel isolated and hopeless all the time.
I feel cursed, like I’m being punished for something but I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I feel like it will never end. There is something wrong with me. I don’t want to live anymore but if I do anything to myself, then it would hurt my family and I don’t want that either. But I’m so tired and no matter how hard I try I can’t to seem to make it stop, the anxiousness, the frustration, the hurt. I don’t know who I am anymore.
Please help me.
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Let me assure you that you are neither cursed nor are you being punished. Rather, you are experiencing all of the classic symptoms of depression.
AS a result, right now, everything seems and feels hopeless. That is as much a symptom of the illness as everything else you mentioned. In point of fact, nothing is hopeless. That is why you need to get help as soon as possible.
Depression is caused by a combination of factors. They range from stresses and trauma during childhood to present day psychological, social and financial problem. Finally, brain chemistry and neurogical factors are always involved.
Today, depression is treated in a number of ways that are extremely helpful. The first is psychotherapy with a well trained clinical psychologist or licensed clinical social worker. Second is the use of anti depressant medications prescribed and followed by a psychiatrist. The combination of medication and psychotherapy are most effective, in my opinion.
The sooner you do this the sooner you will feel better.
As for your family, their behavior is typical. Many people still do not understand that depression is an illness and, much like an infection, needs to be given treatment. No one is depressed because they want to be.
Best of Luck