Need help breaking free from addiction?
1-888-993-3112
Call 24/7 for treatment options. Ad Info & Options

How Can I Help My Fianc??

Question:

So, I’ve been having trouble over the past 6-12 months with my soon to be other half. I believe she has bipolar disorder as I have been reading up about mental health issues and noticed a lot of similarities in her behaviour and the symptoms of bipolar disorder.

We have days where everything is fine, then she will suddenly turn and be really angry with me for something as simple as not answering her call straight away (even if I’m driving or at work!!). She even accuses me of having a homosexual relationship with my closest friend! I try to do the right thing by supporting her in everything she does and by doing everything she asks of me, yet, it never seems to be enough.

There are days where I find her self harming and even talking about suicide. The main problem is that she refuses to seek help even though she knows that she might well have a mental health issue.

In addition to this, I have no idea how I can help? she accuses me of not caring about her and not doing enough to help but when I ask what it is that she wants me to do to help I get told, “I shouldn’t have to tell you, you should just know!” I’m at the point where I find it physically and mentally exhausting trying to do anything for her any more. I don’t know what else I should be trying to do.

I really want to help her, but how can I try to help when she refuses to seek help herself?

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
  • Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
  • Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

The answer to your question is that you cannot help her when she refuses to seek any help for herself. In addition, how can you help when she refuses to tell you what she wants you to do? You do not read minds and none of us do.

I always let people know with regard to their girlfriends that “what you see is what you get.” In other words, what you are describing is the way she is. If you find her exhausting now, you will certainly find her so after you are married…if you marry.

It is impossible for me to judge whether she has a Bipolar Disorder, some other disorder or no disorder at all. What is clear is how you struggle in this relationship and you are not even marrried yet. You need to think long and hard about this. Marriage is a serious commitment that should be made with full awareness of what is likely to be ahead. For my vantage point, based on your description, you have a very rocky road ahead if you marry. At least, this is my opinion.

Best of Luck

More "Ask Dr. Schwartz" View Columnists

Close

Call the Helpline Toll-FREE

To Get Treatment Options Now.

1-888-993-3112 100% Confidential

Get Help For You or a Loved One Here...

Click Here for More Info.

Close

Call The Toll-FREE Helpline 24/7 To Get Treatment Options Now.

100% Confidential
Get Treatment Options From Your Phone... Tap to Expand