I am in the process of divorcing my wife. During our 20 years of marriage she has been extremely difficult. She is always angry at me (and everyone else) because we ‘make’ her angry. She accuses me of things I have not done (typically things that she herself has done) and manufactures reasons for her difficult behavior. I eventually managed to get her to go with me to a marriage councillor who seemed to clearly perceive a problem. However, we have stopped going to this counselor now. I could not get anything committal out of him regarding the problem. I am looking to see if there is some way I can salvage the marriage. Suggestions?
- ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
- ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
You start by saying that you are divorcing your wife and end by staying you want to salvage your marriage. It would seem that you have mixed feelings. I’m recommending that the two of you return to marital counseling. Working with a qualified counselor is going to be a better path back towards a healthy marriage than attempting to work it out alone. If the therapist you saw wasn’t working for you – find another one who suites you better. You may or may not salvage your marriage by returning to counseling, but you will at least have the sense that you did the very best you could to preserve it. I hope this helps, – Anne