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How Can I Stop Using Porn?

Question:

I am a 33 year old male that can not stop thinking about sex or performing it by my own hand with the help of porn. I am married and enjoy the intimacy with my wife, but it seems not to be enough. Sometimes It just feels easier to do it by myself than with her. I have masterbated since I was five years old. I saw porn for the first time at my dads place when I was about 10. Phone sex started at 18 and ended when I was 26 at the “recomendation” of my wife. At 28 I found the internet. I’m getting better with the internet issue but I still relapse and I am afraid It will one day bite me if I can not stay off it permanently. I’m disgusted with myself after reading a perversed story of sex knowing I was aroused by the material. I do not know how to stop doing these things. Its like a perverted cycle that I don’t know how to break. All I want now is a way to stop so I can finally feel normal. Right now I am tired of my self induced torment and need to do something to get rid of it.

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Answer:

This is a tough issue but also a very pervasive one in our current culture where porn is a multi-billion dollar industry that no polite person can talk about without being stigmatized. At this point, porn is pretty firmly wedged into your personal experience of sexuality, and it will be difficult to dislodge. If you really want to never use porn again, you will have to be dedicated and consistant in your avoidance of the things that enable your porn use. You will probalby need to get rid of your home Internet connection, for instance, or at least install some “net-nanny” software that will lock you out of the stuff. You will want to tell someone else about your “addiction” so as to make it public in some way (Going public helps you be accountable). And you’ll have to be very concious of the self-talk that goes on in your head so that at the earliest sign that you are getting into a porn using mindset, you can head that mindset off at the pass and engage in alternative behavior (such as being with your wife or masturbating without porn). If you approach your “porn addiction” in this manner (e.g., treat it as an addiction), you will likely have about as much success as most addicts do when they try to kick their habits. You will go through periods of craving and mindsets will come over you that wonder what all the fuss was about and why don’t you use again… You will relapse despite yourself from time to time, but if you are really motivated and well supported in your efforts and do the right avoidance things, you will come out the other end “clean and sober” from porn.

I wonder however, if the issue is actually your use of porn or habit of masterbation so much as it might be removing yourself from a cycle of sexual shame that you are caught up in. You believe that use of porn is shameful and/or that masterbation is shameful (not clear from your message), and this drives you to feel bad about yourself and to worry that other people will judge you negatively. You hide the activity from others. Still you are driven to it again and again (for sexual release is a consistant hunger of adult life just as is food), and you never feel good about yourself. The feeling bad about yourself leads you sometimes to say “what the heck – if I’m already a sinful person, I might as well act sinfully”, and then you dive back into the porn, perpetuating the shame feeling. Sometimes the way out of a cycle of shame is not to swear off the shameful stuff you’re involved with, but rather to see whether that feeling of shame is necessary in the first place.

Historically, societies have had very different attitudes towards sexually explicit materials. The ancient Romans were pretty open and accepting about such materials, so far as I can tell, but us modern societies are not at all. Our basic western attitude towards sexuality is that it is essentially shameful and “animal” (as in base and dirty) suitable for reproduction only. The pleasure that sexuality can provide is discounted as sinful, or at least as non-useful, and the negative sides of sexuality are played up for all they’re worth to make the whole thing look worse than it needs to. At the same time, “softcore” sexually explicit images are used as marketing tools to influence us to buy things. We want to look at the images, but we feel bad about it at the same time (or at least shortly thereafter). The association of shame with sex was something deliberate, I think, because when you can hook people into thinking that they are essentially shameful beings (because they have these animal desires) you can control them more easily. Though the formula “sex is shameful” is pretty much a repressive and manipulative technique, we’re mostly all bought into it nevertheless.

This leads me towards offering you several questions to consider. What exactly is it about your porn use that you find shameful? Is it the compulsive aspect of the habit? You and many other men have difficulty stopping the use of porn, and realizing that you aren’t completely in control of yourself can feel shameful. Is it that you feel that porn itself is shameful and dirty? If so – what is it about porn that makes you feel this way? Many people feel that masturbation is somehow not a good or healthy or mature kind of sex (myths on all counts). Some people feel that women are exploited in pornography (and surely in some forms of pornography, they are, but in some they are not necessarily). Some people just think that sex is dirty and that they are diry because they want sex. Is it that there is a stigma attached to porn use, and that you would be embarrassed if someone found out you used it? Is it that you keep it a secret from your wife, and she would be upset with you if she found out?

Identifying what it is about porn that is so objectionable for you may be a freeing exercise. If the only reason you feel that porn is shameful is because other people think badly about it, well then, maybe if you could just accept that you like porn and like to masturbate on your own you wouldn’t have to feel so bad about using it, and then you could enjoy yourself a little. If you are worried that porn is exploitive to women, you could find sources of porn that don’t exploit people. If you are worried that you’d hurt your wife by using porn, maybe your issue isn’t porn, but rather that you are keeping secrets from your wife. In that latter case, maybe the thing to do would be to find a way to talk about your liking to have some sex on your own without your wife and with the use of porn. She might be very upset at learning this truth about you, but then again, she might be okay about it too. Such a discussion could easily create problems in your marriage, but it also might lead to greater intimacy because it could be a way of banishing some shame. Hard to say without knowing her.

I can recommend a book to read which will help you feel less alone in the world. It is called “Making Love” and it is by Richard Rhodes, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author of “The Making of the Atomic Bomb”. The book is a sexual autobiography. It is very well written essay, but not appropriate for the faint of heart because of how unflinchingly explicit and honest it is.

Anyway, good luck facing your demons here. I wish you luck in solving the problem.

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Comments
  • the jilted wife

    I just read the article about porn and a married man. I wanted insight because I know my husband is addicted to porn and he would prefer to masturbate regularly to porn material than make love to his wife. We have only been married 15 years, but he has gotten worse over this time. He can truly go 2 or 3 months without having sex with me, because he prefers pleasuring himself to porn movies and magazines. I have had it with his abnormal behavior. I am 40, and one of those wives who is willing to be intimate 24/7/365. He does not take advantage of this at all. Don't get me wrong, I am willing to have fun with the experience and I am very "giving" to him as well. He obviously has a sexual deviance problem that he isn't controlling. He liked having sex in places where we may get caught, when we were first together. Now he has even passed the boundaries of showing his penis to an unexpecting friend of mine who came over to visit when she didn't know I wasn't home. He also made sexual comments to her. I am about to go through divorce procedures because of this last behavior problem and I also am fearful of him around our teenage daughter. Did I mention I caught him with porn referring to "barely legal" young ladies. I think men who are addicted to porn and masturbation do need counseling and don't deserve to have a real woman in their life.

  • Suzie

    I thought I would take some time to express my views on the subject of porn, within a married relationship as is the writer above. In my opinion, I disagree strongly with the use of porn for anyone who is in a relationship.(Unless of course the partner knows about it, it has been spoken about, and is 100% OK with it.) Many people have the attitude that sex is pleasurable, and should not be seen as shameful, which is true, but one aspect that is always overlooked in my mind is that it is also extremely intimate, bonding, and goes alot more deep, both emotionally and spiritually, than many take time to think about. It is due to this that I feel the use of porn by one, without the knowledge of the other, is wrong. When a couple are having regular, intimate and loving sex, a deep bond is built between them the amazing feeling that this person has seen all of you exposed, and has brought you pleasure in such an intimate way, is indeed an amazing feeling. However, if the partner then finds out that the other has been getting on one level, similar sensations using images of other people, alot of those feelings can be ripped from them.

  • V.

    I am a 39 year old wife who recently found her 40 year old husband looking at porn. I actually caught him several months ago by waking up in the middle of the night only to find him in his office with the door locked, he gave me an exscuse of the door actually locked itself, he must have turned the lock when he closed it. Of course being a reasonably intelligent woman I calmly said are you locking yourself in and looking at porn? He of course said no. He had a strong liking for porn when he was younger 23 or so. Big difference in 23 and 40. He and I have been together for 17 years ,have an awesome sexlife, lots of frequency,experimental, fun- but no porn. I kept hearing him lock his door very quietly at night when he thought I was asleep, and waited for him to come clean. Never Happened. Finally quietly found him looking at it one night. He confessed to looking at soft stuff, Was looking at Hardcore when I found him, said it was a popup. It took him a week of fighting about this for him to admit to liking hardcore only and masterbating to it. He lied about everything he could lie about pertaining to it. He deleted temp. files on the computer then enptied the recycling bin, He hasnt told me anything about this without me pulling it out of him, yet he says he is glad I caught him because he has felt so guity for the past year and a half- the length of time hes been viewing it, Can he really be sorry and stop? The lying hurts the most.

  • Anonymous-1

    Maybe if women weren't so uptight nowadays, men wouldn't look at porn. We are biologically different this is something most women don't understand. As for the woman that said " men who look at porn and masturbate a lot should get counselling and don't deserve a real woman in their life", i agree with the first part not the second. Some men are hornier than others, myself being of the extremely horny type. If there was a woman who trully understood that then maybe i would quit porn alltogether. Why don't i deserve a real woman in my life? because you say so woman? I think every man needs a woman in his life, and if he masturbates excessively it's because he has a lot of pent up frustration that he would like release and masturbation is the only way out. Maybe women are to blame for men looking at porn. Suppose a single man goes through most of his life without any female interaction, what is he supposed to do, cut off his penis or join a monastery? Women have become selfish, arrogant, unfeminine, moody more so in today's world than a century ago. How can a woman be a good sexual partner when she's obsessed with getting that promotion at work, or has a meeting the next morning at 7.00am sharp? It seems to me women are responsible for males increasingly "abnormal" behaviour nowadays. Women have the power of sex as a source of manipulation against men. A woman has full control over who she does or does not want penetrating her, otherwise it's called rape. So masturbation and porn is the only thing we single men have to stay sane in these difficult times.

  • Anonymous-2

    Some of us really do want to get help and stop, but we are ashamed or afraid that bringing the problem out into the open will cause more problems. It's a sickness.

  • pornivore

    I love porn, porn, porn. I love to masturbate to it 3 to 4 times a day, and i love the name of the titles. Like Muffmania, Babewatch, Miso Horny, Ben Dover series. What's wrong with porn anyways? I don't think any man should stop looking at porn. What i do think is that women should stop being so fussy, and difficult. Understand that we have a penis and you do not. As long as it remains a fantasy and doesn't distract your daily life, then there should be no problem. So what i've been caught before by my parents, but that doesn't mean i have to stop. Women deep down like it too, and im sure they like to see a man masturbate. Im a single guy, been single for a long time and doesn't look like ill be with someone anytime soon. To those women who are angry at their husbands for looking at porn, maybe they should ask themselves what they're doing wrong. So guys grab a beer, put in the DVD and a box of tissues and stroke away!!

    Editor's Note: Many angry women have written into this site regarding the topic of porn, but this is the first angry male voice I'm aware of. There is a troll element here, and some assumptions that are certainly not universally true, and which could become dangerous if acted upon (e.g., they could be used to justify preditory behavior). Despite that, this is not an isolated sort of perspective, I don't think, and so it is worth printing.

  • Anonymous-3

    For the record Im not against the use of healthy porn in a loving relationship,

    I resently discovered my boyfriend (super nice guy!) of 6 months spends hours each day with internet porn..wait this gets better...he has 1000's of sights saved on his "favorites"...

    I was shocked after opening a few of them...he said that theses girls were 18+... NO WAY I said...many of them didn't look much over 9yrs old...how is this stuff regulated...whos looking out for these young girls...and hello...animals...???

    I don't know how a guys that seems so normal on the outside can be so twisted on the inside...there is a line guys...and some of you cross it..

    if your looking at little girls then someone has stollen their childhood to feed your fantasy....get the help you need to at least save one child from the next guy.

  • Jerkin John

    I'm a guy and love sex, if I could get it 4 times a day, I'm sure over a short period of time my hunger would grow to exceed that number. My wife can't keep up with me, she doesn't have the time or energy. If I had the choice over nailing my wife or spraying my keyboard, I would pick my wife 10 times out of 10. Unfortunatly, she lacks the sex drive so porn is my alternative release. Its about a third as pleasing and never satisfies the desire. After using porn, I'm good for about 10 to 15 minutes before I want sex again, even more than I did before my first orgasm. After sex, I can go a second time, but thats icing on the cake, its not necessarry unless she wants it. What do I do? I feel bad, like their is something wrong with me, but my wife doesn't mind my porn addiction, I have often found her sex toys under the sofa or next to the mouse in the office with the 'porn' folder still open. Does it bother me? Hell no! I think its healthy. I would rather that than her have a pool boy on the side. Either way its about honesty. The truth shall set you free is the bottom line. Its easy to forgive when someone comes to you with hat in hand, this is what it is. So why do I feel guilty? My fetishes don't break any of the laws of the land (except maybe that I am downloading it for free) so why do I continue to feel guilty? Once in a while we engage in sex while watching a specific pornographic fantasy of either hers or mine. So why do I feel ashamed still?

  • Anonymous-4

    I am a 23 yr old man and I had my first sexual intercourse when I was about 6yrs old with a 12yr old girl. This girl was our house help and will often have sex with me when my parents were out. I did enjoy it at that time because I didn't know what it was all about. As i grew up I got hooked up to porn at the age of 12yrs. I found a porn magazine in my dads draw which I took to school and viewed with my friends. I often masturbated twice in a day till I was 18. I noticed my behaviour was abnormal but was very shy to tell anybody. I will often sneak unto the internet and start looking at porn movies and short clips. As I grew up I become aware of the bondages in life through christianity. I love to have a pure conscience and there's nothing more tresured to me than that. I believe porn is evil and selfish and it uncovers something that has been covered by nature between two married people. I stopped doing porn when I was 22yrs and abstained from masterburtion for a year, but unfortunately for me I got myself into porn again after a year of abstenance. I trully want to stop porn now and I need desperate help. I am single and i want to be able to have a good wife in the future and share that honuorable intimacy with her. I don't want to live in this dirty lustfulness. I agree with all the ladies who say porn is a shameful thing for guys to do. Please help us.

  • Anonymous-5

    This addiction is very strong and damaging. It is not a matter of being stigmatized by a prudish culture. I simply cannot stop these behaviors and am wasting tremendous amounts of time- including this evening, when I had important work I should have done. I am also at risk by using computers I should not. People like me honestly want to stop using internet pornography, but I have not come across any resource that can help me, since I am not in a position to discuss my problem with my wife or anyone else. This is a lonely and miserable position to be in. I hope that making this post, which scares the hell out of me, will help. But I doubt it. This drive is absolutely overwhelming it is the loss of control, loss of time, and risk that is so horrible.

  • Anonymous-6

    I too find looking at photos etc (playboy etc) extremely addicting in many ways... I am not addicted in sense of having to have it every day or anything like that ... not in relationship and testosterone normal male sex drive drives me to it... want to stop... is number one priority... Don't usually look and MB more than 2x or so per week (wish to do so far less) ... problem is the compulsion of looking looking looking the pleasure escape and compulsion... get keyed in on, locked into, get conditioned into the oblivious pleasure escape... its not that it is all bad... its just that i think it is true that i am better... i am more growth oriented and pushing the edges in my own life when i don't do this (especially bad are "marathon" escape sessions that can go on for hours and hours)(lost in playboy babes for instance... one after another) ... i just think it is a waste of time conditioning myself for pleasure escape without any reality or real relations in it... and afterwords i am not as sharp as i would be if i had desisted... (i am always deflated) this is especially the case with me because of huge guilt or let downness with myself for going against my values and wasting my time and will and energy again... but even without these psychological aspects do believe that release of orgasm just takes edge off consciousness... i feel most alive and thriving when i am creatively expanding/growing/living ... masterbation takes this edge away from me (and then i feel terrible about that)... so although i understand curiousity (and have learned to be much less neurotic about women's sexual parts etc through looking) feel that (esp. in own experience) this stuff is just too cyclically addicting... end up doing it over and over and over again (again thankfully i have no compulsion to do so more than, usually 2x or 1x per week)... that said i can understand male drive for big orgasmic release... just wish to really curtail this activity in myself and channel energy into more constructive pursuits...(sublimation or whatnot)... feel i will not respect myself in this area as a conscious agent until i have more mastery over this and can do that which i know is better for me and all others (instead of succumbing to temptation of escape into impersonal nudity pleasure obliviion)

  • Jason

    Hi. I'm a man of 23 yrs old. I was using porn from 17 yrs old. And masturbating about once a day. Im clean now for 3 months. All I now is that due to porn, I no longer respected women. I saw them as pieces of meat. My mind was filled with sex and it kept getting worse. And the more I masturbated, the more i wanted to do it. I think God intended a man and woman to have sex only in marriage because it is sacred and very intimate. Masturbation/porn WILL ruin any relationship. If you dont believe me, wait a few years and u will see yours get destroyed.

  • nelson

    i want a life for my self not porn, but porn is all i know i have try so many times to stay away from it, just to find myself running home to my pc to see it , i feel that porn is the only thing that is keeping me from been someone in life, i waste my days im from of my pc looking at it is like i dont have the power to stay away from it im a pornhead, i know is hurting me im i do want to stop it for ever,i want to be clean from it i need to iam a siner those girls dont do nathing for me but to take my life and time

    ps:i need you to save me from this couse i dont have the power to

  • i am a woman

    hello

    i have the same probleme as everyone

    i cant stop masturbating in front of lesbian porn

    does that mean i lesbian? Anyway my life is horrible

    after i'm done with my sexual activities i cant look at my self in the mirror

    please help me !!!

  • Johnelle

    My husband has a porn addiction. I found this out the hard way. This is affecting my feelings for him and my own self-esteem. I have tried to be everything to my husband in hopes he would choose me over porn. I never tell him "no", I am more than willing to try new things and kinky is great. I even encourage him to make our own sex tapes and watch porn together. But, when I do this and I'm still not enough and he would rather lie and sneak behind my back really hurts. In all honesty I feel like I have been cheated on. My husband is getting off on images and fantasies of other women....not me. This gives me an overwhelming feeling of being ugly and inadequate and that I am unable to please my husband. Even more so when in anger he tells me he prefers his hand over me. This is the wrong thing to say...because I already believe this. It breaks my heart. I love my husband...but I don't think I can continue a long term pattern where I am continually feeling devastated like I do. Is there anything wrong with a woman wanting to feel like she is number 1 to her husband? That she is the only woman for him?

    Anyway...for whatever it is worth...these is a short glimpse of my thoughts regarding the subject and how it makes me feel.

  • Anonymous-7

    What porn taught my husband: 1. Sex is all about him. 2. He only has to maintain his erection for 30 seconds.

    In our relationship he has been impotent for over 20 years, because the only way he can be aroused is by looking at porn, and when he masturbates, the whole show is over in less than 30 seconds.

    Porn ruins marriages.

  • Sadomasochist addict

    I'm a 19 year old guy and though I've seen my fair share of porn, I've never actually been addicted to it. I have however, been addicted to sadomasochism without pornography involved. This has caused me a number of problems such as associating pain with pleasure, fueling my violent obsessions and causing me to go through bouts of depression and anger. It was a generally a way to vent my frustation at life by watching others in intense pain I felt pleasure. Right now I'm getting over it.

    For those who are willing to escape their porn addiction, please don't give up! There's many websites and forums devoted to people who wish to give up such as:

    http://www.pornaddictioninfo.com/boards/index.php

    Where you can keep journals of each day and be encourage in your daily resistance of pornography and such.

  • Anonymous-8

    I'm addicted and of course it is pleasurable but really i hate it. Although I hate it and really want to stop it I don't feel like it makes me think of women as just peices of meat or just objects for my satisfaction. If it does make me think that way it's only for the time im using pornography. I hate pornography not because i think that sex is bad in fact i think that sex is a good thing. Sex just for the sake of sex though seems destructive to my higher goals in business, relationships, achievement, and even socially. I HATE IT!

  • The Beast Unleashed

    I'm going to be honest. I am addicted , yes but the pleasure i get from watching porn you can't describe. That's why many find it very hard to step away..that HIGH, free&unconditional& and on YOUR terms. You ever saw that south park episode, where the father is addicted to internet porn and he says :" i can't go back to playboy"..same with porn addiction. You can't go back to just "women", you need bdsm,shemale,rough sex, rape(not real ofc), heck even guys i know watch bestiality and some take it ever further and watch kiddy porn (not me, that line i will never cross).

    But yeah, i doubt you can ever go back. To the people who have God, great for them..but i don't believe in God and there is NO REASON to stop with porn. My relationships with women sucked before i was into porn, Porn is actually my saviour, saving all that time and effort just to be disappointed. But then again, there is no going back and i don't want to back to that Pornfree life where i never got to experiece this high.

    Yes, i'm saying that porn is "bad" and eventually it will destroy a relationship but for those who are single and not looking..go ahead, dance with the Sex Devil and she will make you scream every night. Most of the non addicts don't get it, but yeah...

    Well goodluck in everyone's struggle, but i seriously doubt you can ever recover from this..you can only fight the beast and cage him day after day after day until the day you both die.

  • andrew

    i am a 25 year old man who has been using porn for 15 years. it has tainted my marriage to my beautiful wife and made me feel like dirt. i find no matter how hard i try i cant shake the urges. i love my wife dearly and i am tired of letting her down. today i fully confessed everything to her in the hope that she could one day she can forgive me and we can have a happy marriage. i completely ruined her trust in me. i was a coward and a liar. i hate what i did. i am currently seeking help. i never imagined that porn use could devestate a relationship this bad. so guys dont do what i did and hide it. get help and whatever you do BE HONEST especially with yourselves. i didn't know that porn was something you could be addicted to and its so easy to fall.

  • Anonymous-9

    i am a 15 year old girl and i have been using porn or three years. I have tried to stop but i've failed numerous times. I really need help bad. I know it is wrong and WILL wreck your life or marrage--say NO TO PORN

  • Porn ruins peoples lives

    I have been struggling with porn for years now and Im 20. Its a horrible thing once I get married cuz I know it will lead me to worst things like cheating

    I found that this website helps you http://x3watch.com/

    all you have to do is find somebody you trust and if you ever watch porn it emails them. The important things is to tell somebody. YOU CANNOT QUIT THIS ALONE!

  • JAWED

    hi my prablem is the porn any time when iam with my self i can stop using internet pornoghrapy idont know how to stop it

  • Nirob

    I am 24 years old man.

    Porn, Porn, & Porn and after that masterbation, its becoming a cycle of my life. I do not have any girl friend i didn't enjoy sex in my life till today. I am becoming i psychic patient. I dont think anything other than sex. Try to se porn and masterbate whenever i get a chance.Sometimes i think i am crazy about sex.I started masterbation when i was 10 years old, when i was very little tried to look some naked women whenever i get chances now i try porn for years.

    Anyone can help me to leave this.....please

  • Ruby

    I'm 21 years old, I started to watch porn when my father had brough me PC( I think I was 14?), at first, I was no clue that there is pornography on the internet, I was a total innocent boy, I always looking at video games website and internet forums when suddenly a pop-up comes up and says "click here to see nude pics and more" something like that, so I clicked it and I was shocked to what I'd saw, a lot of nude and naked woman,

    I didn't know that there was porn in the internet and even the word "porn". Now I'm fighting to this addiction, I really want to stop, beacuse I dont want to go to hell you know, it is a sin to watch a woman without clothes.

    I really want to stop this so I started to install parental filter, and it help! but whenever I goes out (park, shopping mall, street) I always saw alot of clothe where sexy outfit, so agian, I feel aroused when that happens.

    Any help?

  • Peter

    I am 33. I used Porn since I was 13. I am married. My porn escalated to sex chat room, affair sites, pole dancing clubs and even chatting up woman in the street. It got to the point where I was going to use prostitutes just to satisfy my craving. Then, I realised I was totally out of control. What this is, is sin. And the way out is to drag it in to the light. Admit to your partner what you've done, and tell her you need her help to get out. Also, I highly recommend a website called www.settingcaptivesfree.com it's religion based, but I don't care if you judge me, I believe and it's helped me. Porn is eating you up, so open your mind and give it a go. You have nothing to loose and so much to gain.

    God be with you.

    Peter

  • Honest Messenger

    I'm a 32 year old married man and was have been a porn addict most of my life till recent years. As most men haveadmitted in their blogs, I too was addicted into it and masterbation in my early teens. What sucked me into it becoming an addict was that I didn't have any girlfriend due to my physical impairment, which painted a wrong picture. And, like others, I too remained stuck on it though I did have a girlfriend in my twenties and then later met my beautiful wife in my late twenties. It didn't didn't bother me at first because I had the mindset that I lived in the "modern" world and didn't have any belief in God either.

    Even after I chose to become a Christian I was not able to shove this addiction of me. Plus, I didn't jump from being a non-beliver to a strong believer fast either. It was only after I started going out wth my wife that it started getting on my nerves I started feeling bad simply because I loved her. Yet, I wasn't ale to wash it off immediately. As my faith in God developed over the months and I got strongy involved in communicating with Him outside church, I had several breakthroughs that I will never forget. These included finance, vocational, overcoming dysfunctional family issues,going cold turkey on smoking and heavy gambling, and feeling more joy. These didn't just come miraclously, but came through action and faith that it would occur.

    Yet, my prayer to give up porn and masterbation didn't occur. This disturbed me However, rather than use this as an excuse to quitt on God, I realised it was a chance to gain more faith. I too shared my problems, both with a friend andd my wife (months before we got married). Yess, this upset her, but helped gained trust between us for she realised that I was being honest and loved her. After our marriage she realised I had erection problems, and we agreed that it due to my masterbation/porn habits. Thus, I continued to pray and aalso took the actions of visiting a men's clinic. Secondly, as most men, I too continued having the desire for lust though my wife herself is beautiful. To overcome this I simply visualised her at times of desire and held back on masterbating. I also asked my wife to be more kinky etc, explaining clearly how my mind worked etc Through the support of the clinic and my will to hold back on masterbation and avoiding porn, our sex life improved and my erection problems were overcome. This has helped us stay on together for 3 years after our wedding, and I have faith our marriage will continue forever.

    ...God works in various ways, sometimes a mystery....Facing our problems and not avoidig them is a key....Secondly, people often ASSUME that God dislikes sex...that is false as well. God made man and woman so that together we are one..and good sex is a ke to keeping us togethher. He simply does not like to see sex abused...and because of porn/masterbbation thiss happens because hearts break and commitment to each other fails...

  • Addicted

    Porn is a destructive force that I have been dealing with for most of my life. I am a 40yr old man and I have been the victim of a priest when I was a child that showed me porn before he started abusing me. I have been addicted to porn since that time. I have never been attracted to young boys, but porn has stolen a lot of intimacy from my relationships. I have heard some guys say that they only look at porn when they are single. I don't think that can be true. I have not been able to stay away from it single, or not. Once you start to watch porn on a regular basis it changes the way you think and feel. It is just as destructive as crack cocaine. I started looking at soft porn, but it is like any other addiction, the more you use it the more you need. There are many shocking things about porn. The thing is that the first time you see something shocking, or disturbing, you immediately feel repulsed and turn away. If you are exposed to it again, and again it doesn't shock you as much and you can become somewhat curious about it. You still think it'swrong, but your mind accepts it as something of interest. It becomes acceptable. Porn is a progressive addiction that can and will steal everything from you. Take it from an addict that knows!

  • Anon

    When you are feeling depressed or down viewing porn and masturbating is a 'pick me up', and thats half the problem. Men look at porn when they are (a) bored (b) feeling low...am I right guys?

    The problem is it is hugely addictive and damaging. Scientists and other gurus keep insisting that its harmless and even good for you..WRONG!!

    http://www.webmd.com/prostate-cancer/news/20090127/masturbation-and-prostate-cancer-risk : MASTURBATION increases risk of prostate cancer for men in 20's and 30's.

    SHOCKED!!! So physically it can harm you, mentally it will destroy your mind, images of sexual activity can cloud your brain and take over your life as an addiction. Masturbation is linked to pornography, no guy masturbates by looking at blank piece of paper (not daily anyway).

    How can you give it up!!!???

    1) Accept that it is an enjoyable activity (which on a certain level, rightly or wrongly it is, not your fault you are a man and men are weak, much like getting drunk is fun), and you enjoy it.

    2) Now you have accepted it, you can control it! Say to yourself 'yeah its fun, whilst I'm doing it. (no man can deny this, arousal is beyond our control), BUT say to yourself I CHOOSE not to do it, because ultimately it will damage me, just like alcohol in excess.

    3) So when you are bored or feeling down or whatever other triggers may contribute to your viewing porn. Make a decision!!! Say I could look at some porn, masturbate and feel better, BUT I will feel terrible afterwards, and CHOOSE to do something else...

    4) Porn will destroy you from the inside, no matter how much porn you watch you will always want to watch more, thats the addiction. Think about it guys, do you go back and watch the same porn or do you look fo new porn, its new porn everytime!

    5) Porn is an isolated activity you view it on your own, you masturbate on your own, you spend hours on your own...a little sad don't you think?

    6) Now heres the bad news...if you enjoy porn, then STOP, I mean just STOP completely, because you are an ADDICT. Porn will never be just a casual affair with you, you can break from it for a month, 6 months even years, but if you view even 1 movie it will be right back to square one for you and you will slide back to addiction.

    7) Break away from your porn triggers, or learn how to control them..if you are bored when the urge takes you and women you will never understand this but it is A BLOODY STRONG URGE!!! how can you control yourself.
    EASY!!! If you are inside, and there is someone else there go and sit with them, the urge will go away...If you are on your own GO OUTSIDE!!, just get up DON'T THINK!!! put on your shoes and GO OUTSIDE!!! The urge may become stronger as you go a for a walk but at least you are not viewing porn, WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU GET BACK??? OKAY you have had a bit of time to clear your head THE URGE IS STRONGER, you know yourself the source of your porn, Internet, TV, magazines...DON'T ACCESS THEM!!! Not even by kidding yourself that you just want to check your email, or the news, go back inside make some tea or coffee, just keep yourself busy, what you are actually doing is mentally battling yourself...CAN YOU SEE THAT...you are actually battling YOURSELF...Do you see now that it isn't you but something inside you..when you see that BE HAPPY!! you have cracked it!! You have realised that there is enemy inside you, you have reached a point of clarity, where you have identified your enemy, to the point that you (a) know there is an enemy (b) that it isn't you.

    8) THE ENEMY: This is the part of you that would see you destroyed, you have uncovered IT!!
    IT is the part with no morals, no self control, the dark side of you, it doesn't see exploited girls, it doesn't know shame, it doesn't care you look like shit after 3 hours of surfing internet for porn, it doesn't care about your late nights, it doesn't care about your personal life deceits and lies, it cares about getting its little kicks then retreating back to its darkness until it gets hungry again.

    9) CONQUER THE ENEMY: You will NEVER completely defeat the enemy within yourself it is a part of you. You CAN control it. You can battle it. You can shrink it, YOU can have the upperhand, when you see naked women, walk away, turn the channel, IT is watching also. Know IT is always there, waiting for you to give it control, keep IT small, Always be aware IT is there, IT is you but think of it as an enemy within that is NOT the real you, the REAL you is a decent man, who can socialise, have friends, have girlfriends, believe me when you give up porn girls will flock to you...let me repeat that...WHEN YOU GIVE UP PORN YOU WILL HAVE GIRLS FLOCKING TO YOU, your dark seedy side will be surpressed, normal everyday girls will be attractive to you and them to you.

    10) Act today! Plan today! say to yourself I will go this week without porn, I am BOSS of myself and I have decided that I will go without porn for 1 week. IT won't like it, IT will surface and you will have to battle IT, you will have to battle yourself, but if you defeat IT, things will get easier the next week...

    11) Be warned...IT is always there, make meaningful changes, guard yourself against IT, stay away from porn sources, know your triggers and what to do when they happen. Your feeling frustrated, it was a shit day at the office, you got a parking ticket, you got a bit of an erection from watching the sexy news reader, you feeling bored, you think just a quick look at some sexy girls... WHATEVER...PLAN what you should do and what YOU should NOT DO..Don't give IT a chance.

    GOOD LUCK!!!

    Editor's Note: There is an important difference between correlation and causation. When things are correlated, they co-occur but do not cause one another - some third thing causes both. The author of this comment is assuming that frequent masturbation causes cancer, but the authors of that cited article think otherwise as evidenced by this direct quote:

    "What's going on? The study wasn't designed to answer that question. But Dimitropoulou and colleagues have some theories.

    They suggest that young men genetically predisposed to have hormone-sensitive prostate cancer will be at higher risk if their bodies naturally produce high levels of male hormones -- the same hormones that give them an intense sex drive.

    So it's not masturbation itself that's increasing prostate cancer risk in young men. More masturbation may just mean more sex drive -- and more androgens bathing prostate tissues."

    The comment's author is entitled to his (?) opinions, for sure, but they are not necessarily supported by the evidence he cites.

  • Anon

    If you're feeling depressed or anxious, its easy to find an organisation to help you. If you find yourself getting lost in porn and searching the net for more upon more naked female images to fulfil an increasing urge and need for that kick and that escape from conscious reality, there aint much out there.

    I find myself looking into ever more disgraceful images, starting on soft trying to kid myself but not reaching full orgasm till I’ve got something pretty nasty in front of me. Then I feel terrible shame.

    I have conquered over drinking I’ve even conquered smoking. Now I have to get rid of porn, I believe I can do it but its bloody hard, when you work independently, from home using the net. A click of the mouse and its there. An hour later, and the fear and shame is back, who will see the net pages I’ve looked at? Why do I do this, waste this time and search for these unpleasant images.

    I’m not religious, but I understand good and evil and this is definitely often leaning towards a nasty side of life. These images are out there and so readily available. But it makes me get my kick, I need to re-learn my physical and mental processes. Break this habit which will be hard because it’s something I may have to do largely alone, though I have wonderful and open relationship with my very sexually attractive and also wonderful human being of a girlfriend.

    It’s getting beyond a simple, harmless bit of porn to hours on end looking at these endless images a sex and women. Its warping my perception of women and I want to get back to the truth of that. They are not sources of imagery for me to please myself, that is the modern world and easy access to porn confusing my natural need/urge to pro-create.

    I need to master this now. The urge will be there, but I choose not to spend my time wasting it on looking at these women, sometimes most probably taken advantage of, women who if I actually met would probably find very unattractive on a personal level.

    For my own good, to help me get to a truer version of human beings and life.

  • Allan N. Schwartz, PhD

    To Anon,

    There are twelve step programs to help people who are sexually addicted. I know that these types of programs are controversial for some people but, as a therapist for many years, I have found AA and others helpful for people who attended.

    It is not that what you are doing is "evil" but that it takes you away from your very beautiful girl friend. I agree that you need help with this and so, in addition to a self help program, I suggest that you consider psychotherapy for yourself. By the way, do a web search for sexual addiction programs in your area of the world.

    Dr. Schwartz

  • Young guy looking to help ones self and others

    After reading this very long list of posts, I'm sure you got one thing out of it, You've got to go cold turkey or its pointless.

    I'm a 19 year old who was sexually abused as a child and when I found porn sadly it was an escape that made me feel normal. Now that is very twisted when you think this about it, someone hurt me so badly that porn became "normal". I have many good friends how who are female and I know I'd never look at them in that way. Gosh, one of my male friends was like, "hey man, is ____your girl friend?" And I never saw how beautiful ____ really is because of porn. I completely over looked her. I'm thinking though that if I can have the discipline over porn that I may just be able to succeed in what I really need, and thats a close person in my life. All men long for this and I think that is really what porn over rides for us. It gives us the fake feelings of love that we need. Love your self and stop looking at porn, its damaging to the soul. I've escaped the abuse now and I'm trying to heal myself as I'm the one how wants to change.

    How am I going about breaking this? First off I'm still trying to break it, why else am I here? Some of the things I do is set some goals for my self, Like I've been working on a music CD for the last year. This alone has really helped because the music software is just as easy to get as porn. I think more than a distraction, its something to do that is much more rewarding in the end that I can enjoy doing in the mean time. Find this for your self, you have a computer and clearly money if your paying for porn. So take the money and time you'd spend on porn and do something with it. Buy a video camera and learn how to use it, edit down the shots on your computer. Build a web site for one of your hobbies. Start a small business. Hell, who cares if your 40, go to college. Start doing something that interests you. What have you always wanted to do? I know that I always wanted to race BMX bikes, so my new goal since my CD is almost done is to get a job leading to a car and a nice BMX bike and race my heart out cuz thats what I want to do. So what do you want to do, look at porn or something fulfilling?

    Ways of reminding your self of the goal. What I do now is I make a word file before I turn off my computer with all the things I did not get done that day and save it to the desk top. I take the file and put it right in the middle of the screen so that way when I turn on the computer, guess what I see? What I could be doing. I make the list like this...

    Finish song "Longing for food",

    Email Rachel,

    Add Andy on facebook,

    Record guitar for spinning plates sound effect,

    Research addictions and what I can do,

    Call ____ and ask about something in the bible she gave me,

    So on and so forth. What your doing is setting a to do list to get the things you need to get done, done first. Once your done and there is nothing left, find something else thats addictive and not porn. I use FaceBook. I get to chat with my friends and mess around as much as I want. Also Youtube.com, search for odd random things. Try unicycle stunts. I ride a unicycle now because I wanted to do some of these stunts, I can't do the stunts but the time was spent learning how to ride a unicycle, Not on porn and thats the ultimate goal right?

    I hope that sharing this helps other men in their quest to get out of the shadow of porn, it has been working for me and I was looking to see if anyone else was doing the same. I can't seem to find any posts so I'm going to share my knowledge with you so you may heal your self's.

  • Mawcot

    Big up to all who want porno to stop

  • Anonymous-10

    I m just any other guy in this forum. I start watching porn at age of 15 and those images and videos are still in my mind. It's like some one has embroied it in my mind. I can supress it but cant forget it.

    Since then here and there, i am watching porn. I never realized i will, as it has, take this shape. I have no other adiction. i dont drink , smoke rather i have got control of my life other than this shit porn. I driver me crazy thinkng i m addicted to it. I have stopped hardcore porn from around month but now get aroused by sexy models images.After reading here i have decided to STOP porn in what ever form it is. I will be tough, very tough but i will.

    I will come back to this forum and write what evr be result wheather i succed or fail in my decision.

  • Yanni Me Balonni

    Refreshing to see all of the post on here - sometimes humorous but definently much needed.

    It has become an epidemic I believe. It has morphed me into an almost "Gollum" like creature (Lord of the Rings). In fact i see many smilarities between my addiction to seeing women nude and his to the ring. It is all consuming, and honestly I think if I had to choose between a luxury like driving a car and my daily masterbation to porn - I would just like to give the car to the stripperof my choice - hoping for a reward.

    Thing i- I am also married - and this is where the crux of my guilt enters. This plus my previous association with God and his church. Not that I have anything against them- I just dont have a place there anymore. Which is also pretty strssing when I think of the potentials that may lie in wait...down below. (no pun intended for that comment)

    But at the same time I have had to learn to accept it for what it is 00 which is monstrousl controlling over my life. Like any drug addict - you know its bad - you know where its leading you - but you just cant say no. I know this from experience as I have struggled with multiple addictions in my life. Honestly, as of now this porn addiction is the only one I have not yet mastered. and I feel - just as Frodo and Gollum did in the movie - that I may never gain control - and that this may always serve my reminder of how weak I truly am.

    But I am always in battle with myself over this. I can never see myself without it now. Like a blood drunk vampire, after his first kill. Like the passing of the days - these which have become a known constant are as constant as my love and addiction to porn. No specifics. I love it all. No real sick shit - no peeing, or defication - no gay stuff for me. although I have recently wanted to watch my wife getting banged by someone else while I watch or interact. To have her return the favor with another cute girl.

    while on this subject - she is the best I could hope for. And at times I feel bad about what i do behind her back. She knows but doesnt want to - so she plays dumb - and likewise so do I whenever breaching the topic - if ever.

    Believe it or not - we both used to work in adult nightclub - she a stripper - me a bouncer. Now many years later - we've been away fro the industry for too long, except for me it seems like yesterday. And like a soft warm blanket that you yearn for on a cold night - I run to it whenevr I have the chance.

    So this is part of my hell. At least there is the act to look forward to. At least it continues to fire off the dopamine in my brain. At least I still enjoy it - but the hnger is always growing - and I fear becoming another sick old perveted man. At least ill try to retain my humor and try to make others laugh, in the mean time I gues I'll return to "my Precious"

  • Anonymous-11

    I am extremely pleased to see a place, where ppl have united against porn.

    I am an addict myself. I know it sucks the life and the goodness from you! I get pimples, lose hair , get severe stomach upsets , in short makes life a hell! I realized that porn cant be good by myself. But all over the internet , the majority of the people think or should I say want to think that porn is "harmless" and "natural", well its a grave mistake!

    I consulted a therapist and confessed that I had porn addiction, he was quick to reassure me that it was "normal". I raised my voice against him and said, I have experienced a lot of suffering because of this habbit. It should be called as SELF ABUSE.

    I have had patches of success in overcoming it.

    It is indeed a great threat to the society.

    I am very grateful for the concern showed by ppl for their strong posts on this issue.

    Thank you all.

  • Kevin

    I'm 23 and i've been watching porn since 17. At 18, i was once really glad that "now i can watch it legally"... but the more and more i watch, the more and more frequently i watch it the following days. One day i have 6 times. I accepted Christ at the age of 21. I stopped watching porn for a while and it come back. Recently, i have success keeping it clean for a month, but i start to pick up again. I'd never have a girlfriend, part of it due to i feel shameful looking at a woman and associate previouse porn i watch to it. I know it's been keeping me from a proper social life and walk with Christ. Thanks for the previose comments. I guess i'll start to go sit with another person if i have the drive, and if i'm alone and i'd try to walk outside. And avoid using computer for the rest of the day if i needed until i don't have the drive anymore...

    Help me and pray for me

  • Kevin

    I'm seeking an accountability partner, and we may be able to update each other every week or so.

    my email is kevincckevin (a) gmail.com

  • Overcomer (Will)

    I am over 40 and are too overcoming this trap. First of all to everyone that reads this and to those comments I've read YOU CAN DO IT AND YOU WILL DO IT. But one thing we all must realize is we have missed it Big. (Sinned) But as a believer I wasn't going to make it to heaven on my ability anyway no matter how good I am. It is written "By Grace through Faith are you saved" and that not of yourselves it is the Gift of God. Now you'll know I'm the least to try and preach but thank God It's not over until You and I win. Let's all agree for SUPERNATURAL help and a strong desire to quit. Along with all we can do, to Stop and help get others DELIVERED. ABUSED! yes as a child but I have overcome this and have forgiven the indiviual who did it. Believe it or not everybody, there are people or better put CHRISTIANS praying for us, ANOINTED ONES and if you are a Christian like myself, rememember we can do all things through CHRIST ( The ANOINTED ONE) who strengthens us. I RENOUNCE THIS EVIL THAT I HAVE DONE IN THE NAME OF JESUS, AND I AM BELIEVING FOR YOU'LL TO DO THE SAME. Not only will we OVERCOME,OVERWHELM AND OVERTHROW THIS UNCLEAN ACT AND (Spirit) We must call it what it is and renounce it. Lord please help us to help others get (sozo) delivered as we do our part first. I in know way consent,condone this evil , that I bit as a (lure,trap) but I declare now I WILL BY GRACE AND because I Want too stop. Win on purpose. NEVER SURRENDER There are many counting on YOU. We are in the GREATEST COUNTRY ON THE PLANET, LET'S ALL WORK ON BEING THE GREATEST CITIZENS, Decent,disciplined and doers of righteouness. I hope my honesty helps encourage someone and for those who will judge me because i fell into this trap I understand, but don't count me out yet, I CAN AND I WILL OVERCOME. (WILL)

  • HAJI

    IAM 26 YEAR OLD SINGLE MAN. I WATCHING AND DOING MASATURBATING SINCE I WAS 15 YEAR OLD TO TILL DATE. AFTER MASTURBATING I USED TO PASS URINE. AFTER MASTURBATING I FEEL WEAKNESS IN KNEES. WHATS THE REASON BEHIND THIS PLEASE CLEAR IT.

  • Anonymous-12

    Theology of the Body. (specifically, check out Christopher West)

  • Anonymous-13

    Reading this thread has really helped me feel better.

    I was starting to think that this problem was really rare and that it was just me and a handful of other people with this problem. But its definitely more widespread than i initially thought. Iv had this problem for over 10 years, im now 24.

    It started off with just naked images of women, then videos of sex. Now its bdsm, anal fisting lezbian pissing, gangbangs and scat. One thing is if left unchecked it will continue to get worse and il end up doing it with someone. Iv managed to resist the urge to start doing these things so far and really want to stop watching porn, and start being normal. I guess iv just always assumed that I was naturally born very sexually active than most people. I can tell you all that its really caused problems in my marrige too.

    Iv managed to stop all my other addictions but this one seems harder than anything iv ever had to do before.

    Getting my drinking under control was easyr, iv just managed to stop smoking after 10 years. I now just have the odd 1. But I cant stop watching porn and it really influences me into bad things. Like I end up wanting to do what I watch. I no its bad but this is how low iv gone. Doing some ass fisting on myself and scat. I ate a whole load of shit and the worse thing is I enjoyed feeling dirty. I soooooo need help in getting back to normal. What can I do?

  • sathoth

    It seems that the problem here is conflict conflict between sexual desires (conscious or otherwise) and your conscience. This conflict has been perpetuated by religion, who suppress sex. You've all heard of the saying "guilty pleasures". Trying to repress our urges too much will only make them stronger or manifest in other subtle ways (e.g. by using pornography). We are taught to "hide" sex. The media and advertising know all about this. "Sex sells". We may not use pornography, but we are still affected by this phenomenon. Fighting against any urge will only fuel the urge.

  • kim

    I have looked up articles about porn addiction for over a year and a half, trying to find where my boyfriend stands on the line of "addiction."

    He confesses that it is a problem and that he wants to overcome it but I see no progress. I love him to death, and am considered attractive, but that's not enough for him. I'm beginning to secretly hate him, and his addiction because I know he fantasizes about his "ideal."

    He fantasizes about skinny brunettes and i'm skinny, but not a brunette, and do not have the features which he generally desires in a woman.

    My self esteem is plummeting and I don't think I want to marry him after reading articles about how porn addiction continues after marriage.

    My advice: If you love a woman, find a way to replace porn addiction with another healthy habbit, or you'll find yourself single again, or divorced.

    P.S, kudos to all of you who are fighting this cultural degradation. If you want to retrain your habits retrain your thoughts.

    “Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
    Watch your words, for they become actions.
    Watch your actions, for they become habits.
    Watch your habits, for they become character.
    Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

    There is a sequence between your thought life and your active life, which translates over to your habits, and becomes addiction. Be careful of each thought and retrain your mind. That's the begining of being free from addiction, in my opinion.

  • kim

    Men may be turned on by looking at the female body, but that does not make it "acceptable," period. I'm currently in a relationship where I have great sex with my boyfriend, and love pleasing him, but he still uses porn, which is the greatest insult.

    I give him reason not to use porn, and yet he still does. Addiction is not the result of being with a frigid girlfriend/wife. Addictive personalities are more prone to addictions, which puts them at a disadvantage, but they have to learn to over come their issues, and get help, if they can't avoid activities which put them at risk for slipping back into addiction.

    I have a great body and I love monogamous sex. Addiction, and spefically porn addiction, is an emotional issue, along witih other issues.

    I view my boyfriends addiction as cheating. I've given him pics of myself, and yet he still browses 8-10 sites a day in search for other girls. How would you feel, if, as your girlfriend, I played around with 8-10 guys a day, while going out with you? Do you think that's fair?

    That's how it feels for me, anyway. It's not fair that I'm thinking only about him to turn me on, when he's clearly off thinking about other girls on the internet. I hate him because of this.

  • Anonymous-14

    I found this information very helpful. Thank you Dr. Dombeck.

  • Leo

    I am a 38 yr old man who has been masterbating since I can remember. Do I feel dirty? Nope. Am I ashmed? nope. People it feels good dammit or we male or female would not do it. I am sick and tired of hearing about it being dirty or unaccepted. Everyone does it they just wont admit it. Women and men are different that is a fact. We see sex diferently. When my exgirlfriend and I got together it was like wam bam thank you mam at times, slow and romantic other times. It varied naturally. However, I have come to find out later that it was all fake. She was just pleasing HER MAN. It was not her it was her alter ego. Well dam where do we go now. My ex and I spent so much time trying to please each other sexually ( or what we thought each other wanted) we never really got to know the real person. So yes I masterbated to internet porn. All the women on the internet say the same thing she said. You dont need to do that you have me. How can I really have you if I don't know you. In the begining threesomes, adult parties, nudity, pictures, oh yea she was a model type too. Hot very hot. She got me used to the hot and heavy part of our relationship. Then, yanked it away when ever she was not in the mood. Hey look at Tiger, Jessie James, obviously they loved their wives but needed more of them. got it elseware didnt they. Sex addiction what a croc. Men and women all over are getting what they need one way or another.

    Yea my ex and I are separated because of masterbation and porn. However, its not because I didn't want her or desire her. Dont listen to everybody who says they get ed from this. I've never had that problem and I'm 38. Their ED is from something else.

    Women

    I work a very stressful corporate job. I never cheated on my girl ever. What is wrong with a BJ after work or a quickie 3 or 4 times a week? And then after that slowing it down for a more romantic time? You have to give to get as the saying goes. We are still animals at heart. Just now american society is even more Puritanical than ever. Hey Tiger and Jessie are the devil right for cheating on ther wives right? What does that make their mistresses? Certainly not victims like they are portrayed.

    Women insted of freaking out when your men masterbate to porn join them. Im sure it wont hurt you!! Gee it might actually feel good. WOW what a revelation. Oh wow we would have a society of behind closed door materbators! god help us! Like its not like that now any way.

    How about this thought?

    The media and everyone else is so concerned about what women want and need sexually right? Thats all everone talks about on TV. What about what men want? Did you ever think to ask? and not assume? I think you would be suprised.

  • Yes

    Dear friend, I too had been strugling in such a tough battle. I tried different self helping / controlling methods and strategies. But all failed after few days.

    At last I found Jesus and I committed my life to him and he redeemed me from all such bondages. I am free from porn now. Thanks to Jesus.

    Dear friend... you too can be free like me . Come to Jesus. Accept him as your personal saviour and Lor. Read Bible daily and Pray to him daily.

    I too pray for your freedom.

    God Bless you

  • jbpmac

    Dear, Friend here is your answer....

    http://mychainsaregone.org/MCAG-article-p-addict.htm

    Jesus is a real answer.

    God is with us

  • Anonymous-15

    thank you kim i love your what u have to say qoute

    “Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
    Watch your words, for they become actions.
    Watch your actions, for they become habits.
    Watch your habits, for they become character.
    Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

    i too have a problem with internet porn im 17 years old have been looking at porn every chance i get since the age of 12 now and having being really disgusted with myself in the last 7 months since ive had my beautiful girl friend who dose have sex with me is very beautiful and couldn't be anymore kind gentle and caring towards me. And after reading your post im going to toughen the fuck up respect my girl and find better things to do then look at porn, because it isnt right i can see it is insulting and very disrespectful and there isnt a better way to fix it then being clear to myself that its going to stop and so when ever i do get a moment where porn is available im going to throw it out of my mind and remember to 'qoute'

    “Watch my thoughts, for they become words.

    Watch my words, for they become actions.
    Watch my actions, for they become habits.
    Watch my habits, for they become character.

    Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

  • You can break the cycle

    There are some products out there that do not block or filter sites (you know how to bypass it anyway) they actually help you break the cycle of relying on porn or other online addictions by taking the anonymity out of the cycle through the use of accountability partners. supportive people who can understand what you are going through.

    One great product is Saavi Accountability, it actually send a text message instantly once you access the porn. This allows someone to get in touch with you right at the moment of weakness to help you start the process of staying away from this material.

  • Anonymous-16

    I'm a 33 year old guy who has been dealing with the same issue for 10 years.

    Rather than arguing about the morality and depravity of porn, which is always a matter of perspective, the real issue is the addiction cycle.

    Our repetitive habits and behaviors have biochemical counterparts (peptides) that are released along with the behavior and create a sense of euphoria and become the addictive substance. They are created by the brain in tandem with the desired experience, in this case watching pornography.

    The cells create receptors for the peptides. The more we flood the body with certain biochemicals, like endorphins, caffeine, alcohol etc. the more receptors are created. The receptors basically "get hungry" and we're driven to the behaviors that will stimulate the production of the craved drug-like biochemicals in order to satisfy the craving. This is the case with any addiction. The body/mind of the individual experiences the craving to me a source of stress and moves to relieve the stress in whatever way is has become accustomed to relieving the stress. If the desired source of relief is unavailable then another is sought out or created, this is called cross-addiction.

    The compulsive use of pornography is essentially a psycho-physical addiction, where the drug is created internally by mental and visual stimulation.

    The addictive cycle always has at its core the assumption that engaging the habitual behavior will satisfy a perceived or felt need and it generally does for a period of time. Of course the need arises again and stronger as their is an increase of receptors in the cells of the body in other words, a tolerance to the drug develops and more of the drug is required to achieve the same high.

    As with any drug addiction there must be increased awareness about the nature of the addiction in order to stop. The addict must recognize his weakness in regards to his vice and seek some kind of assistance... God, therapy, 12 step program, peer group... whatever works. It's essential that he is able to open up and explore his feelings in a safe and non-judgmental environment. Shame is bound to be there already and needs to be allowed to express but not be reinforced. That's where I think many religious environments can actually stunt the healing process. Further shaming of an addict only brings repression and alienation of the individual and causes them to become repressed addicts rather than empowered members of society. It also gives way to cross-addiction.

    On an emotional level addiction includes a hunger and a void to be filled. This void is like a gravitational force that always draws one back to the addictive behavior. The physical action is only an attempt to fill that void and stop or avoid the painful feeling of hunger. In order for this to occur it is essential that the individual find nourishing ways to satisfy this inner hunger, which is why authentic human connections are so healing, whether they are found in churches, 12 step programs, sports teams or therapeutic relationships with peers or therapists. Addicts are in an abusive relationship with substances or materials like pornography and the relationship is deemed to be essential for happiness and/or survival. Until the relationship is recognized and destructive it will persist. Once it is seen as destructive the willingness to change must arise along with the desire to leave the abusive co-dependent relationship and engage in a healing process. The ability to create, recognize and enjoy authentically nourishing relationships must be strengthened and developed. The essential relationship being with ones own true self. Dependency on others is likely to be there in the beginning as one learns to walk without the addictive substance but will not necessarily be problematic so long as it is kept in check and not abused. We are in fact socially interdependent beings that need each other. Voids do not just disappear and they cannot be destroyed. They will always seek fulfillment. Better to consciously fulfill them with our authentic needs that try and fill up on self-destructive material.

    It's obvious that the porn industry thrives off of internet distribution but anything taken in excess can become the stimulus of addiction. The porn issue is certainly an important one but the issue of taking back our power to choose to take in what nourishes us and turn away from what depletes us is the real first step. We'll never be able to decide what's right for others and control them into what we believe, we're too far down the road of "freedom" for that to be a useful or plausible possibility. Surely we can offer our influence by becoming aware and working on our own issues but shaming and blaming is just a waste of time for educated adults.

    I'm a psychotherapist whose working on his own stuff and helping others work on their own issues. I've found the above to be useful in my own life and in the lives of my clients and friends. Maybe someone on here will also find it useful.

    All the best.

    W.

  • Anonymous-17

    Sell your computer the problem here is internet we have everything we want by a click of a button or try a slow speed internet plan where it takes for ever to load a page nothing can be more frastrating Get rid of everything in your possession that is even remotely related to porn.Try not to be alone in a room with the computer while connected to the Internet.

    I found this from another internet site:

    Chaste Berry Known botanically as Vitex the berries of the chaste tree received their nickname because of their effect on the libido when they are consumed. Long ago, monks began to consume chaste berries to subdue their natural sexual urges to remain pure. This practice earned the chaste berries another nickname: Monk's Pepper. Chaste berries are often used to rebalance hormones in women and give consistency to ovulation and menstruation

  • Mike

    I've had a problem with pornography since I was about 14 years old, and over the years it has gotten more frequent, however I feel that beginning a weekly blog on various forums will force myself to be accountable to everyone else on the forum. Today is day two since I have decided not to let pornography rule over me. And I know that through Jesus Christ I am more than a conqueror.

  • kommik

    porr är skadligt

    Note: Swedish for "porn is harmful" according to Google Translate.

  • samuel welsh

    my wife refuses intermacy despite a loving marriage shes simply too tired for sex.

    I fell into porn because of sexual frustruation help me

  • Stop

    As I skim through the seemingly endless cases of men disgusted with porn, troubled by masturbation and the overall impending sense of doom to stop the "evil" this causes many questions to arise in my mind.

    First, not one single case has stated their religion or their higher power was totally responsible for leading them to become 100% masturbation free for the last 20 years or more of their lives. Most cases cannot even boast of surviving sexual abstinence for 1-2 months without some type of release. This leads one to believe that their faith in the supernatural is not as strong as the natural human hormone--testosterone saturating the cells in their bodies.

    The comments by a psychotherapist about addiction and/or self-abuse theories were enlightening but they begged answers to many other unanswered questions about human sexuality. My guess would be the psychotherapist would think nocturnal emissions (ejaculations during sleep) are not addictive behaviors or self-abuse since they are an involuntary bodily process. Ok, fair enough. However, that fact alone would also make a strong case for nocturnal emissions or ejaculations being a biological human need much like breathing air, drinking water, eating food, etc. Sure, these biological needs can be controlled and some can be controlled longer than other needs but eventually the body will take corrective action against consistent denial through a “wet dream” (homeostasis) or some other consequence from denial of food, water or air will occur such as death.

    For the highly religious who would consider death before having a self-inflicted seminal emission, someone may suggest castration. This may eliminate the testosterone "problem" as an alternative to the death option. Yet, those who decide to keep their testicles will still have to face these biological demons and may opt to handcuff their hands behind their back when they find themselves alone.

    A more self-forgiving alternative to castration or "self-abuse" is for the strong willed self-righteous person to wear diapers to bed if they do not like to wake up to underwear soiled by semen stains from wet dreams (nocturnal emissions). Those who take the more aggressive castration route will soon discover the various undesirable health problems that follow having no testosterone in their bodies. The positive side is that their conscience will now be free from any lust or any need to ejaculate because their body will not demand sex or have a sex drive.

    The positive side of castration is that it is partially reversible with (HRT) Hormone Replacement Therapy. With HRT, men can resume their involuntary nocturnal emissions or voluntary masturbation practices if they choose to do so. Perhaps with a partner, voluntary sexual stimulation will seem less isolating and more socially acceptable. HRT will help prevent the harmful effects of having too little testosterone in their bodies. For those with perfectionist tendencies, castration may seem like the only route to escape a "dirty" sex drive.

    For those with no moderation of any kind, perhaps appearing on the TV show "Fear Factor" and eating killer bee feces would seem a safer route than following a progressively degrading route of sexual perversions, and destructive, deviant behaviors.If you fall into the last category, get help. If you are not an eunuch, try not to be too harsh or perfectionistic on your own human sexuality.If that is too liberal a position for you, then it is best to follow the strict biblical advice of Galations 5:12.

  • vera

    if i found out my boyfriend was using porn, i would end the relationship.

  • Anonymous-18

    in response to the above post that your daughter is in any danger because your husband was looking at barely legal porn is just crazy ott thinking, but im not condoning this.

    if you search for porn on the net the most pop feild will be teen porn, this is because its like going back to your first time ,there is an inoscence about it all and the pics or the clip is usually very bright happy and vibrant eyecatching colours,its made that way to draw you in and hook

    barely legal and teen or 18 -23 porn is all the same ,its just another hook to make it feel taboo and heighten the feeling of the high like a drug,and like a drug you get the comedown ,the feeling of self loathing because you have let yourself and the one you love down, you have cheated on her in her eyes.

    i have this problem to , i hate myself for being weak ,i also feel abnormal round company because i dont like myself when i have used porn.

    i have tried to fight it many times only to relapse every time ,even to the point of my partner leaving ,she is back again ,we have a daughter to age 5,who is in absolutely no danger whatsoever,the danger is only to my relationship and myself

  • Anonymous-18

    i stopped at harming my relationship and myself but would like to add more, i have read through every coment on here so i really want help ,i dont want to lose my family who i love so much ,it should be so easy to choose right but why is it not easy to give up.

    its a natural thing to masturbate and it makes you feel good ,but combine it with porn and it increases the feel good ,its very visually stimulating and easy ,but its wrong when its hidden and solo, you are being deceitfull and making your woman feel 2nd best and worthless .

    the best way forward for me is to expose my weaknesses and show the demon ,dont let it hide any more uncover it and it cant grow

  • Anonymous-18

    i know all the triggers for using porn ,bored lonely ,stress , feeling low ,also making up reasons to use,like your partner being out with freinds to a club and you are sitting, you start to convince yourself that she is up to no good so you got a reason to use porn .

    the lows am feeling after getting caught to many times now are heavily outweighing the high ,im determinened to stop this by finaly putting them first and being a man.

    they deserve way better than i have given and i will put things into practise to stop for our good.

    i will keep a diary of how i feel and when i feel weak , try not to be alone then ,talk more openly when av had a shit day at work,spend more time enjoying having fun with my daughter and get my high from this and the love and trust again of my partner. plz wish me luck.

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