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Huge Disapointment With My Husband

Question:

I have been married for 6 years. My husband has not been able to keep a job. In fact he has been unemployed for the past two years. The problem I have is that he doesn’t even try to make a effort to find one. In times where we are facing economic problems I understand the difficulty in getting one. It’s that he doesn’t try. This morning I had an argument with him because he was giving me a hard time about mailing out a bill for me while I was trying to feed our baby. I wanted to make sure our rent check got sent out. When I found out he lost his job we came to an agreement that he would at least try to get some job training in a field that would be hiring. He has not even made an effort to get information. I try to talk to him on how I feel and it always results in an argument and some way to blame me.

I do not know what to do?? I feel so frustrated. I am seriously trying for my three sons and family. I need some form of his help and he is not making any strives to help. He’s more committed to a video game on Facebook than he is to his own family. I am very hurt. I feel like this is not the man I fell in love with. I have had thoughts of filing for a divorce. I am very respectful towards the word of God and It says that would be wrong to divorce. I do not want to be disrespectful to him. I do not know what to do. Please help.I am afraid we are going to wind up homeless.

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Answer:

For some reason your husband refuses to take responsibility for both you and the children. It is nearly impossible to know why this is so. Possibly, he is depressed, lacks any work skills, has ADHD, uses drugs and drinks, etc. Whatever the reasons could be for inability to keep a job as well as look for one, you and the children are placed in an unviable situation.

You are no the first to discover that the individual you believe you married turns out to be very different. This problem afflicts both men and women. The problem with the early stages of love and romance is that we are blinded to reality. It’s easy to overlook problems when “head over heels in love.” I can fully understand that you are very disappointed in him and I can fully understand your wanting to sue for divorce.

I understand your religious beliefs about divorce. However, there are times when people are left with no choice even when they have to face going against deeply held beliefs and values. Nevertheless, you are responsible not only for yourself but for the well being of your children as well.

I do not know if you are working but is appears that finding a job for yourself and the children is something you will have to face if you do not already have something. I can appreciate the fact that you would not want your husband to care for the kids while you work because he has proven himself to be irresponsible. In many respects, leaving the marriage, finding a job and providing childcare for the children while you work, are all options open to you. If you have family living nearby perhaps they would be willing to help.

I am tempted to suggest marriage counseling for both of you but I am not optimistic about that. He won’t go for job training so, how could he go for marriage therapy. In addition, marriage therapy will not help him find a job or put food on the table.

It might be a good idea for you to seek counseling for yourself in getting the advice and support you need in going for divorce and employment.

I don’t know but, perhaps as a single working mother you will find assistance for you and the children.

Best of Luck

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