I think my husband has a personality disorder and it’s becoming unbearable to live with him. He is very short tempered and is always saying I treat him like I think he’s a child or stupid or that I don’t want to be with him or that I’m ignoring him or numerous other things. I perforated my eardrum a few years back and sometimes don’t hear him talk to me, when I tell him I didn’t hear, he loses his temper with me and says i’m ignoring him or that I think he’s boring etc. A lot of the time he’ll take something I say completely wrong and think I’ve insulted him or that I think he’s stupid etc. Even if I just ask him if he’s ok he’ll take it as if I’ve said he’s attacked me (no exaggeration!). I was talking to a friend on the phone about work when he came in once, after I hung up he asked if I enjoyed slagging him off to people! His mood switches at the drop of a hat and his paranoia about my disliking him is completely unfounded. I can’t rationaise or reason with him and don’t know what to do anymore.
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p>It is clear that something is bothering or upsetting your husband. However, whether or not he has a personality disorder is impossible for me to say. One thing I have learned after years of doing marriage therapy with couples is that issues in a marriage involve two people and not one. In other words, there are things going on between the two of you that is complicating your marriage. Certainly, if your husband has a personality disorder, is paranoid or is depressed, it would add to whatever problems exist between the two of you. Consequently, it is advisable that you see a good marriage therapist where you will each have the opportunity to identify the patterns of behavior in your marriage that create strain, anger and unhappiness.
p>Entering marriage therapy means that you each must be willing to admit to and discuss the things you do that annoy the other. Your husband seems to be complaining that you do not pay enough attention to him and that he does not believe that you respect him. It is entirely possible that there is some validity to his complaints. No one is perfect and marriage, at best, is difficult. Therefore, why not consider that you may not pay enough attention to your husband. You are convinced that you complaints about him are completely true and accurate. Well, he believes that his complaints are true and accurate. At the moment, neither one of you appears to be listening to the other. That is where marriage therapy is very helpful: in getting couples to begin listening to and responding to one another’s complaints.
p>Obviously, you have been married a few years. Try to avoid just dismissing your husband as someone with personality problems and get help for your marriage.