Hi. I am 18 years old, married, with a child and another on the way. I love my baby and my husband. However, I fear my depression has caused my husband to no longer love me. I feel as if he hates me. He says things like, “if I weren’t ‘this way’ maybe he would want to be around me. We barely spend any time together anymore, we used to be inseparable. Now I can’t even keep him around me for more than 2 hours when the day starts. The things that are going on between us on top of my stress and depression make me seriously consider killing myself to escape the heartache and pain.
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Is it any surprise that you are depressed and anxious? Here you are with one baby and another on the way and your husband acts like a jerk. I do not mean to be offensive but he appears to be very immature, insensitive and completely thoughtless. After all, what kind of father with one baby and another on the way acts like that towards his wife???
The only problems with your emotions, at the moment, is that your anger and frustration are turned against yourself instead of towards him. He blames you? Sorry, not so simple. It is difficult being a mom, pregnant and married to little boy instead of a real man.
I cannot blame you for wanting to escape the heartache and pain. However, he is the source of that pain. So, what about taking your child and leaving him? Assuming you have parents or siblings, you might be able to move in with them. Or, if you have a close girl friend, you could ask about doing that. Also, because he is going out instead of staying home and parenting, you could sue him for neglect and abuse. There are also women’s shelters for women in your situation. If he is verbally abusive, and especially if he is violent, you can call the police and have him arrested.
I do not know if any of these are the correct strategies for you and that does not matter. My real point is that it is healthier for you to be thinking about positive steps you can take instead of feeling helpless and hopeless. People feel better when they think about positive plans instead of feeling trapped. You also need to modify your thinking by understanding that he is playing a huge role in causing your anguish. Stop taking the “rap” for this marriage. When a man’s wife is pregnant (and he has a child already), he is expected to be kind, understanding and caring and you need to know that.
By the way, it might be a good idea to discuss your husband, your depression and his attitude with your GYN doctor.
Finally, perhaps you can get him to enter marriage counseling with you? If not, divorce might be your best option and, if so, do not keep this a secret from him.
I wish you the very best of luck.