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I Am An 18 Year Old Mom Diagnosed With Severe Depression And Anxiety

Question:

Hi. I am 18 years old, married, with a child and another on the way. I love my baby and my husband. However, I fear my depression has caused my husband to no longer love me. I feel as if he hates me. He says things like, “if I weren’t ‘this way’ maybe he would want to be around me. We barely spend any time together anymore, we used to be inseparable.  Now I can’t even keep him around me for more than 2 hours when the day starts. The things that are going on between us on top of my stress and depression make me seriously consider killing myself to escape the heartache and pain.

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Answer:

Is it any surprise that you are depressed and anxious? Here you are with one baby and another on the way and your husband acts like a jerk. I do not mean to be offensive but he appears to be very immature, insensitive and completely thoughtless. After all, what kind of father with one baby and another on the way acts like that towards his wife???

The only problems with your emotions, at the moment, is that your anger and frustration are turned against yourself instead of towards him. He blames you? Sorry, not so simple. It is difficult being a mom, pregnant and married to little boy instead of a real man.

I cannot blame you for wanting to escape the heartache and pain. However, he is the source of that pain. So, what about taking your child and leaving him? Assuming you have parents or siblings, you might be able to move in with them. Or, if you have a close girl friend, you could ask about doing that. Also, because he is going out instead of staying home and parenting, you could sue him for neglect and abuse. There are also women’s shelters for women in your situation. If he is verbally abusive, and especially if he is violent, you can call the police and have him arrested.

I do not know if any of these are the correct strategies for you and that does not matter. My real point is that it is healthier for you to be thinking about positive steps you can take instead of feeling helpless and hopeless. People feel better when they think about positive plans instead of feeling trapped. You also need to modify your thinking by understanding that he is playing a huge role in causing your anguish. Stop taking the “rap” for this marriage. When a man’s wife is pregnant (and he has a child already), he is expected to be kind, understanding and caring and you need to know that.

By the way, it might be a good idea to discuss your husband, your depression and his attitude with your GYN doctor.

Finally, perhaps you can get him to enter marriage counseling with you? If not, divorce might be your best option and, if so, do not keep this a secret from him.

I wish you the very best of luck.

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Comments
  • Anonymous-1

    I am not a professional. I am also not 18. However, your comments about suing and such are quite extreme. I would question your expertise at the least. I believe you are inflaming the situation instead of resolving an immature situation. These are obviously very young individuals.

  • helen

    i agree with the last statement. thinking about making any major changes while you are so depressed is a disaster waiting to happen. I have also suffered from severe depression and anxiety, and when in that state i felt as though my husband did not care about me, and that i was just a burden on him and my children. i felt that he felt that way too, but that was not the case at all. you interpret things people say all wrong when you are depressed. so maybe the best advice would be to firstly get some counciling and also maybe some mild medication. I agree that you should not blame yourself for this, because depression is REAL and it is just as bad, if not worse than having a broken bone. It needs treating and you need some tlc.

    Once you have had some treatment and you feel more stable you will be in a much better position to assess your situation and judge weather or not your husband is worthy of your time and effort.

    you are still so young, and have had a lot to deal with, so cut yourself some slack girl, you are not alone, and you are not abnormal. All the feelings you have been having I and thousands of women like me have also had. I have got through it, and you can too, but you need to focus on you and only you. Be selfish, you have to. dont think about your husbands feelings right now. he can look after himself. If you like you could leave some info lying around for him to read to try and get a better understanding of what you are going through, and maybe that will help him. It can be scary for the partner too, because they dont know what is going on or how to deal with it. so help him to help you.

    Finally, I would just like to say that right now you feel like you are in a dark hole and there is no way out. but i can promise you that one day soon you will find yourself laughing again, making plans. This is a real illness and like all other illnesses you have to learn how to deal with it. if one thing doesnt work, try something else, but dont put pressure on yourself to be 'NORMAL' who decides what that is anyway?? You wont get better overnight, you have to take one day at a time. if your having a bad day, think to yourself, tomorrow will be better. and if your feeling bad, dont appologise for it, its not your fault, and dont listen to any negativity. if your feeling panicky, try to burn off some of that excess adrenelin by cleaning or taking a walk. i thought this was silly but it really does work. one thing we feel with depression is that we are the only ones like this and we are different, weird. well i am here to tell you that we are not different or weird, we are normal and there are thousands of us out there. so dont feel alone or scared, your not. but you can get through this and you will. your children need and love you, so take a deep breath and hold your head high. you are ok x x x

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