Need help breaking free from addiction?
1-888-993-3112
Call 24/7 for treatment options. Who Answers?

I Am An 18 Year Old Mom Diagnosed With Severe Depression And Anxiety

Question:

Hi. I am 18 years old, married, with a child and another on the way. I love my baby and my husband. However, I fear my depression has caused my husband to no longer love me. I feel as if he hates me. He says things like, “if I weren’t ‘this way’ maybe he would want to be around me. We barely spend any time together anymore, we used to be inseparable.  Now I can’t even keep him around me for more than 2 hours when the day starts. The things that are going on between us on top of my stress and depression make me seriously consider killing myself to escape the heartache and pain.

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
  • Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
  • Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:

Is it any surprise that you are depressed and anxious? Here you are with one baby and another on the way and your husband acts like a jerk. I do not mean to be offensive but he appears to be very immature, insensitive and completely thoughtless. After all, what kind of father with one baby and another on the way acts like that towards his wife???

The only problems with your emotions, at the moment, is that your anger and frustration are turned against yourself instead of towards him. He blames you? Sorry, not so simple. It is difficult being a mom, pregnant and married to little boy instead of a real man.

I cannot blame you for wanting to escape the heartache and pain. However, he is the source of that pain. So, what about taking your child and leaving him? Assuming you have parents or siblings, you might be able to move in with them. Or, if you have a close girl friend, you could ask about doing that. Also, because he is going out instead of staying home and parenting, you could sue him for neglect and abuse. There are also women’s shelters for women in your situation. If he is verbally abusive, and especially if he is violent, you can call the police and have him arrested.

I do not know if any of these are the correct strategies for you and that does not matter. My real point is that it is healthier for you to be thinking about positive steps you can take instead of feeling helpless and hopeless. People feel better when they think about positive plans instead of feeling trapped. You also need to modify your thinking by understanding that he is playing a huge role in causing your anguish. Stop taking the “rap” for this marriage. When a man’s wife is pregnant (and he has a child already), he is expected to be kind, understanding and caring and you need to know that.

By the way, it might be a good idea to discuss your husband, your depression and his attitude with your GYN doctor.

Finally, perhaps you can get him to enter marriage counseling with you? If not, divorce might be your best option and, if so, do not keep this a secret from him.

I wish you the very best of luck.

More "Ask Dr. Schwartz" View Columnists

Close

Call the Helpline Toll-FREE

To Get Treatment Options Now.

1-888-993-3112 Who Answers? 100% Confidential

Get Help For You or a Loved One Here...

Click Here for More Info.

Close

Call The Toll-FREE Helpline 24/7 To Get Treatment Options Now.

100% Confidential
Get Treatment Options From Your Phone... Tap to Expand