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I Can't Let Go

Question:

About 6 months ago I left my husband of 8 years due to money problems. For the first 4 months I knew in my heart that he was the man for me…Then I met a new man who is kind and caring and gentle and treats me like gold. The problem is even though he and I have been together for 2 months, he is ready to propose to me. I’m not ready for that type of commitment. I am still very much in love with my ex. I often dream about what it would be like to be together again, and in my heart I wish it would happen. But I’m also very in love with the new man. As you can see I’m torn between a rock and a hard place. Could you help me please?! I’m losing a lot of sleep over this, and now my ex is starting to date again which is driving me nuts! Thank you very much!

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  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

Whew! What a whirlwind of relationships! It sounds like you need a little time to figure out where you stand. First of all, if your boyfriend is ready to spend the rest of his life with you, he shouldn’t have too much trouble waiting around a few months or years before he proposes, so tell him to hold off for a while. You’ve got your whole lives to be together (if that’s the way things pan out,) and if you start off your life together by answering the Big Question with a “well, yeah, I guess so, probably,” you’ll be left forever wondering what else could have been… Second, how realistic is it to get back with your ex? You say you left him because of money problems, but my guess is there is more to it than that–or else those are some pretty severe money problems. Either way, how do you know it won’t happen again? If there were other reasons for splitting up, are you willing to work them out with your ex before getting back together? Just as importantly, is he willing? Whether or not you decide to rekindle your relationship, I suggest you have a long talk with your ex-husband. Since he is dating again, he may be trying to put it behind him, and he may have some insights into your relationship that will help you decide if it’s worth fixing. If you decide to try to get back together with your ex, best of luck to you, and my condolences to your boyfriend. If, on the other hand, you choose to stay with your current boyfriend, you will finally be able to give the relationship the full attention it deserves, since you will have put your past behind you. Take care, – Anne

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