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I Can't Trust

Question:

I am having a problem with not wanting to stay with my husband of 8 years. Three years ago I found out that he was having an affair on me. Before the affair, I put my whole heart into our marriage, now I have absolutely no trust in him. Since then we have split up several times, each time being initiated by me. When I start dating, I get so jealous, because I am afraid of them cheating on me. I then go right back to my husband for support. I feel my life is pretty screwed up, not to mention I have two children by him. I don’t want to take my children out of the atmosphere they are accustomed to by leaving him, and I could not afford the home that we have now by myself. Please give me any advice. All I want is someone that I can completely give myself to again – mind, body, and soul, while getting the same in return. I want to completely trust someone again with no doubts.

This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
  • ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
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Answer:

First of all, you should decide where you and your husband stand. You need to ask yourself some questions. Are you still in love with him? Can you forgive him? Do you just want to stay with him only because you have two kids with him? You shouldn’t stay with him for the wrong reasons. It is a tough situation when your husband has cheated on you. If you can not trust him anymore, how are you going to have a relationship with him. Unless you are able to forgive him, which it sounds like you are not, then you need to separate from him for a while. Maybe the two of you can work something out concerning finances. The environment you and your kids are living in now is not healthy. It sounds as though you are trying too hard to find someone. Take your time; you may not find that special person right away, but it will happen if you are patient. Trust is usually something that is earned. Let the men in your life earn your trust. Don’t jump to conclusions. Let the man that you’re dating know why you are finding it difficult to trust him. If he does not understand, then you know he is not the right person for you. I’m not suggesting that you dump all your hopes and fears on him all at once, but let him know how you feel if the relationship seems to be progressing. Not all men are dishonest! Sincerely, – Anne

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